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Keyword: sarcasm

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  • Top Ten Left-Wing Goals of the Obama Administration in Its Remaining Two Years

    12/28/2014 4:01:53 PM PST · by Delacon · 38 replies ^ | 17 Dec 2014 | Virgil
    Now that President Barack Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry have launched their new friendship initiative with Cuba, progressives are thinking more optimistically about what else might be possible in the remainder of the president’s term. After all, since the November 2014 elections, Obama has moved sharply left on immigration, climate change, and net neutrality. So why shouldn’t the Left hope for more? What might be next on the Obama agenda? Breitbart News has obtained one such to-do list: 10. Marijuana to be completely decriminalized under the ever-expanding doctrine of “prosecutorial discretion.” In the meantime, the administration will push...
  • Pelosi Agrees With President On Travel Ban (satire)

    10/23/2014 6:49:56 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    Retired Texas Vet | 10-23-14 | Retired Texas Vet
    Today, Nancy Pelosi announced her support for the President's rejection of a travel ban for West African nations experiencing the Ebola epidemic. Pelosi explained her support for rejection of the travel ban because of the jobs Ebola saved or created in the U.S. She pointed out that for every Ebola patient 50 medical personnel were required for their treatment. Additionally, thousands of dollars of supplies and medicines and wrist band thingies were required for each patient. Pelosi stated that although unemployment was good for the encomomy, an Ebola epidemic had the possibility setting the economy on fire. If the EPA...
  • When communism sounds good on paper...

    10/20/2014 8:55:26 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 5 replies
    CRASHR ^ | 10-20-14 | The Looking Spoon
    When your an...
  • Now Trending: I H8 People Who H8′: Try these #DemocratTShirts on for size

    09/15/2014 2:56:41 PM PDT · by Lucky9teen · 17 replies
    We didn’t think anything could top the excitement of voting for the next Democrat car magnet, but some givers on Twitter have stepped up with some #DemocratTShirts that really need to be mass-produced. #BoycottCoke Save a Child Urban Outfitters #IfIWokeUpWithAmnesia Scotland Bob Geldof #MadeInAus #DemocratTShirts James Nathaniel ‏@JNathaniel12 1m #DemocratTShirts Jeremy Rivkin ‏@SodasCat 1m Morals? Values? We got drums dude. #DemocratTShirts crazylarry ‏@Madcap62Larry 1m #DemocratTShirts So you voted for Bush? Your opinions are invalid. @ShareThis Jami ‏@Jami_USA 1m #DemocratTshirts "Mom! You shrunk the new shirt you bought me! That's it, I'm going to turn my music...
  • Hillary Clinton reveals what it's like to be poor in America

    06/26/2014 8:41:24 AM PDT · by laotzu · 28 replies
    The Peoples Cube ^ | 6/9/14 | Opiate of the People
    Hillary Clinton has served America for decades; in January 1993, she made history as she became the country's first co-president along with her husband, Bill. After her tour in the White House ended, she answered the call from her adopted state of New York and voluntarily gave up a lucrative career trading cattle futures to act as one of only two US senators from that state. In 2008, after tirelessly devoting herself to helping Barack Obama become America's best president, she looked forward to retiring to a quiet life in a small cottage somewhere. Once again her country called, pleading...
  • US Secret Service seeks sarcasm-spotter for Twitter

    06/04/2014 2:17:09 AM PDT · by markomalley · 20 replies
    The Register ^ | 6/4/2014 | Darren Pauli
    The US Secret Service wants to identify sarcastic tweeters from the serious in a bid that will surely cause its software to sink and buckle.A tender issued by the security agency sought a way to determine sentiment, identify influencers and section off those exercising the lowest form of wit across the twitter sphere.In what appears to reveal the agency's tight upgrade regime and security requirements, the Twitter trawler would need to be compatible with the dust-clad Internet Explorer 8, first released five years ago.The agency also wants to geo-locate users based on tweets while displaying results in "user friendly" coloured...

    06/03/2014 11:53:16 AM PDT · by MeshugeMikey · 112 replies
    Reuters ^ | June 3 2014 | No Attribution
    The Secret Service is purchasing software to watch users of social networks in real time, according to contract documents. In a work order posted on Monday, the agency details information the tool will collect -- ranging from emotions of Internet users to old Twitter messages. Its capabilities will include sentiment analysis,
  • Washington Redskins To Change Name

    05/28/2014 7:32:53 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 45 replies
    5-28-14 | Retired Texas Vet
    The owners of the Washington Redskins, NFL and Senator Elizabeth (Herring) Warren have come to a compromise in renaming the team. The new team name, effective this fall, will be: Washington Red Herrings. Senator Warren, a princess in the Red Herring tribe of Massachusetts, suggested the Red Herring name instead of the racist Redskins moniker. Senator Warren stated that the Red Herring tribe had a proud heritage going all the way back to the original settlement of the country. Chief Herring Bone and his band were present and participated in the first Thanksgiving festivities. The tribe invented salted pumpkin seeds...
  • Robert Gates Selected As President Of Boy Scouts

    05/25/2014 6:05:55 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 15 replies
    5-25-14 | Retired Texas Vet
    Robert Gates as selected as the new president of the Boy Scouts of America. Robert, an Eagle Scout in his youth and former Secretary of Defense, was elated with the selection. Robert stated that he was pleased that queers were welcomed in the boy scouts but was severely displeased that adult predatory queers were not allowed to serve as scout masters and leaders. During his tenure as Secretary of Defense, Robert has queerified the military which he counted as one of his major accomplishments which he would like to replicate with the Boy Scouts. Robert noted that with many predatory...
  • Donald Sterling Should be Flayed Alive

    05/05/2014 9:31:29 AM PDT · by Kaslin · 49 replies ^ | May 5, 2014 | Matt Barber
    A $2.5 million fine, a lifetime ban from the NBA and potential confiscation of his personal property through the forced sale of the L.A. Clippers? Are you kidding? Thats it? Donald Sterling is a racist pig. First stone first shmone. This thing aint over by a long shot. As CBS reports, Donald Sterlings lifetime ban from the NBA isnt enough, NAACP says. Al Sharpton agrees, adding, No one should be allowed to own a team if they have in fact engaged in this kind of racial language. Sharpton warns that he is prepared to rally in front of the...
  • DC region cleans up after winter snow storm [Hillary victim found?]

    02/14/2014 9:57:27 AM PST · by topher · 4 replies ^ | Feb 14, 2014 5:38 AM CST | FoxNews
    It's time to clean up the mess! Snow-blowers and shovels are sure to be out in full force Friday after round two of snow Thursday night. Road crews are warning motorists to drive cautiously and to beware of slippery conditions. Road crews hope to continue their work on area side streets. It is a snow day once again for school kids in the D.C. Region as most major systems are closed Friday.
  • When Obama adm. says "Benghazi attack not core Al-Qaeda" do they mean Outer/Inner, Mantle or Crust?

    01/16/2014 7:07:25 AM PST · by Laissez-faire capitalist · 12 replies
    1/16/2014 | Laissez-Faire Capitalist
    Breaking... Obama administration confirms that it was not Inner core or Outer core Al-Qaeda, but more likely Mantle (most likely rigid, not stiffer) or crustal elements --- possibly even sedimentary in nature. /sarcasm. Honestly, does anyone buy this attempt by the Obama administration to try and differentiate without making a difference in regards to the attack on the U.S. compounds in Benghazi, Libya? Not "Core" Al-Qaeda. Please... Breaking News... 2 minutes ago: "Hillary: What difference does it make if it was inner or outer core?"
  • Professor Responds with Sarcasm to Left-Wing Boycott

    12/22/2013 8:50:52 PM PST · by Eleutheria5 · 2 replies
    Arutz Sheva ^ | 22/12/13 | Maayana Miskin
    Professor Yisrael (Robert) Aumann reacted Saturday night to the news that Haifa Universitys Executive Committee has decided not to award him an honorary doctorate due to his right-wing political views. Aumann is a Nobel Prize winner in the field of economics. Speaking to Channel 1s program Roim Olam, Aumann joked : Ive prayed and aspired to getting an honorary doctorate from Haifa University for my whole life. Im very disappointed, he added, sarcastically. Aumann linked the issue to academic boycotts against Israeli schools. I have to say that we create this issue of boycotts ourselves, he said. Former Member of...
  • ObamaCare Current Truth: 11/12 Truth Replaces 10/31 Truth

    11/13/2013 12:58:34 PM PST · by tcrlaf · 5 replies
    People's Cube ^ | 11-12-13 | Minister of Truth
    As we Progressives have always known, The Current Truth always is our Current Truth ad infinitum because our commitment to Modernity requires that it ALWAYS be completely up-to-date. This is a sound principle that baffles the slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging Tea-Partiers. Fortunately for us, our media understands the importance of this principle and are fully capable of the awesome intellectual gymnastics, making it easier for the low-information voters to understand that keeping the Current Truth up-to-date requires everyone to pretend that there is no such a thing as Static Truth - there is only the modern, dynamic version known as the Current...
  • The 10 Rules In The Establishment Republican Handbook

    10/22/2013 4:03:55 AM PDT · by Kaslin · 13 replies ^ | Octrober 22, 2013 | John Hawkins
    1) There is nothing ever worth fighting for except Democrat policies: If you're going to fight for something, make sure you're fighting your own base to help the Democrats achieve some policy goal that makes Tea Partiers want to stab themselves in their eyes. This makes you appear reasonable to the mainstream media and the howls of outrage from your base make it more likely that the New York Times will say nice things about you. 2) You must systematically destroy any person, place, or thing that excites conservatives: Nothing good ever comes from conservatives getting excited; so make sure...
  • This Finally Gives Conservatives A Reason To "Like" Obama's Logo

    07/03/2013 10:47:22 AM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 10 replies
    The Looking Spoon ^ | 7-3-13 | The Looking Spoon
    I did a cursory image search, and I didn't see this idea taken yet...which as simple as it is was REALLY surprising!
  • Texas Capital Abortion Supporters chant "Hail Satan"

    07/03/2013 7:16:34 AM PDT · by Sopater · 37 replies
    Cahnman's Musings ^ | July 02, 2013
    It's been a very interesting day at the Texas State Capitol. Cahnman's Musings hasn't been following the hearing. Instead, we've been participating in the surrounding events. LetTexasSpeak has been doing a live broadcast from the rotunda where women have been sharing their abortion related testimonies. The pro-abortion crowd has responded with repeated chants of "hail Satan." It's taken us all day to get a video recording, but here it is.
  • Supreme Court Rules For Gay Marriages (Chief Justice Roberts Holds It Is A Tax-JK!)

    06/20/2013 2:16:39 PM PDT · by nickcarraway · 25 replies
    Just Kidding. But it could happen... wait for it...
  • Obama Loves America (pic)

    11/14/2012 4:14:17 PM PST · by The Looking Spoon · 2 replies
    The Looking Spoon ^ | 11-14-12 | The Looking Spoon
    Just ask him...
  • A Racist Anti-Obama Sign?

    07/05/2012 1:00:50 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 9 replies
    The Looking Spoon ^ | 7-5-12 | The Looking Spoon
  • Krauthammer On Obama's Algae Policy: "I Think He's On To Something"

    02/23/2012 6:00:07 PM PST · by Nachum · 59 replies
    Real Clear Politics ^ | 2/23/12 | staff
    Charles Krauthammer responds to President Obama's suggestion that the U.S. turn to algae for energy production. After making his case, Krauthammer goes head-to-head with Washington Post columnist Charles Lane who defends Obama's energy policy. "I was impressed by the president's analysis of this situation where we have no control over the global price of oil," Charles Krauthammer said. "We're dependent on oil from unfriendlies. And he says, as we heard, drilling for oil to relieve our dependency is not a solution, it's not a plan. He said we have to go to clean energy. He talks about something really revolutionary...
  • CPAC 2012: Newt Gingrich hits the reset button.

    02/11/2012 10:49:12 PM PST · by true believer forever · 143 replies · 1+ views
    Human Events ^ | February 11, 2012 | John Hayward
    No one can say they dont know what Newt Gingrich will do after his inauguration. Hes got big plans He pledged to have a full list of his proposed executive orders and presidential findings published online by October, so that every voter will know exactly what theyre getting. He wants every Republican candidate to campaign with him on a pledge to hit the next Congress in a monster jam session that repeals the job-killing centralized corruption of ObamaCare, Dodd-Frank, and Sarbanes-Oxley by the time hes sworn in and thats just an appetizer. Within two hours of plopping his Dilbert...
  • Obama Says He Deserves a Second Term; Let's Consider

    02/07/2012 4:20:52 AM PST · by Kaslin · 20 replies ^ | February 7, 2012 | David Limbaugh
    President Obama told NBC's Matt Lauer in an interview Sunday, "I deserve a second term." Well, let's see. He had the courage to tell the Supreme Court off for daring to defy him in its campaign finance law ruling. And he did it during his State of the Union speech, when they weren't in a position to object, showing just what a marvelous tactician he is. He was not about to be stymied by an obstructionist Republican House that didn't buy into his Euro-fashionable idea that we're all going to die from catastrophic man-made global warming. So when those knuckleheads...
  • Education: Waiting For Lewis Black

    01/16/2012 4:15:43 PM PST · by BruceDeitrickPrice · 13 replies ^ | Jan. 6, 2012 | Bruce Deitrick Price
    [This is the entire article:] According to a movie and book that came out in 2010, everyone is Waiting For Superman. That would be the heroic, miraculous, too-good-to-be-true school that will swoop down into even the worst neighborhoods and rescue all those bad-luck kids. Me, Im not counting on Superman. Public schools are too weird. The Man of Steel will look foolish fighting to the death against silly putty. To speak truth about this demented demimonde, we need a voice, a mind, a way of thinking as deranged as the system itself. We need Lewis Black. You know him, of...
  • Mitt Romney files lawsuit against Free Republic. Claims Jim Robinson has "abused" him for years.

    11/18/2011 12:58:25 PM PST · by ken5050 · 95 replies · 1+ views
    one man's opinion....
    GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney today filed suit in Madison, Wisconsin small claims court against Free Republic founder Jim Robinson, claiming that Robinson has engaged in a pattern and practice of vehement abuse against (Romney) for years.
  • You can legally vote twice! Here's how:

    09/23/2011 5:44:03 AM PDT · by Halfmanhalfamazing · 101 replies
    A republican friend of mine is pissed off at me because I told them straight up that if Romney got the nomination, he won't get my vote. I'm not cutting off my nose to spite my face. So then the usual lecture came out "if you vote third party or stay home, what you're really doing is voting for obama". I thought to myself about this prospect. Really? If I vote zero times for Romney, I'm really voting once for Obama? So then obviously, if I vote once for Obama, I'm really voting twice for Obama? This is truely interesting...
  • Obama to hold a press conference shortly (Birthday Boy to read TOTUS)

    08/05/2011 8:23:25 AM PDT · by TonyInOhio · 163 replies
    The Wall Street Journal ^ | 08/05/11 | Unattributed
    Just a crawl at present.
  • Rick Perry : one of the most conservative Republican candidates

    07/19/2011 7:37:30 PM PDT · by Clairity · 109 replies
    UK Telegraph ^ | July 19, 2011 | UK Telegraph
    Should Rick Perry conclude that voter discontent has left him an opening to enter the presidential race, the Texas governor would be among the Republican field's most conservative candidates. Rick Perry rejects the idea of global warming and the theory of evolution, arguing for natural climate variations and intelligent design of the universe. He branded Social Security and other New Deal safety net programmes "the second big step in the march of socialism," according to a book published last year. The "first step" was a national income tax, which he has said stands alongside the direct election of US senators...
  • Spend It Like Bush

    07/19/2011 1:32:37 PM PDT · by rhema · 26 replies
    American Thinker ^ | July 19, 2011 | Randall Hoven
    What if, over the next decade, the federal government spends as irresponsibly as President George W. Bush did? Compare two things: the 2012-2021 federal budget as proposed by President Obama in February (and as scored by the Congressional Budget Office in April), and the actual average spending level from 2001 through 2008 as a fraction of Gross Domestic Product. We'll keep the CBO's predictions of revenues and GDP untouched so that only spending differences are compared. The CBO scored Obama's proposed budget as costing $46.2 trillion over 2012-2021, or 23.5% of GDP on average. Since the CBO expects $36.7 trillion...
  • Deepak Chopra: Sarah Palin, My President

    06/18/2011 10:23:02 PM PDT · by 2ndDivisionVet · 85 replies
    Deepak Chopra's Website ^ | June 16, 2011 | Deepak Chopra
    It will be a devastating loss if Sarah Palin peddles enough books and visits enough gun shows that she has no incentive to run for President. There would be many chances for unique moments in the White House if she won. How about Sarah on horseback, riding through the Potomac basin like Paul Revere, ringing bells like he did and shouting, The Democrats are coming! That would give folks ample warning to quickly cling to their guns and religion before the left wing snatches them away. I know that she suffered ridicule for her version of Paul Reveres ride, but...
  • Pelosi Wants Weiner Probe

    06/11/2011 7:41:49 PM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 50 replies
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 06/09/11 | Kip Hooker
    Washington- In a week that could hardly have used anymore bad news for New York Representative Anthony Weiner it would appear that such bad news has come. Today in Washington his, one time, greatest champion has come full semi-circle and decided to not only withdraw her support but to pursue an aggressive coarse of action in investigating what has come to be known, at least colloquially, as Weinergate. In an exclusive interview with The Vitamin Press former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi made it very clear that she is displeased with the situation going so far as to say...
  • Winning with Weiner

    06/09/2011 5:54:35 PM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 4 replies
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 06/09/11 | Kip Hooker
    Washington DC- With the sort of week that the congressional representative from New York has had many in DC, and across the nation, have been quick to wash their hands of Weiner. Not so fast say those closest to the congressman. They remind us that although this man named Weiner might rub people the wrong way he has a long history of coming from behind for the win. As his close personal man friend Jon Stewart put it You know Im just gonna say it. Dont touch Weiner. You know unless of course it is in the interest of health...
  • American Pride is Back Out of the Closet!

    05/03/2011 7:45:01 AM PDT · by ctpsb · 46 replies ^ | 05/03/2011 | David Burge
    As much as I am now embarrassed to admit it, if you had asked me 48 hours ago whether Osama Bin Laden would ever brought to justice I would have probably answered "no." Like many Americans I had all but abandoned hope that we would ever capture or kill the 9/11 mastermind,......
  • CNN Quotes Rush: "Thank God for Obama"

    05/02/2011 3:02:29 PM PDT · by NELSON111 · 23 replies
    CNN | 2 May 2011 | Nelson111
    Today CNN quoted Rush Limbaugh, who said "Thank God for President Obama." What CNN did not make clear, however, was Rush was being HIGHLY sarcastic during his monologue and was thanking him for saying one thing and doing another. This is, of course, a fine example of what we are fighting in terms of MSM bias. CNN basically lied to their entire viewing public without actually lying. The implication is that Rush was thankful for Obama and what he did in terms of bringing Osama to justice...which anyone who actually heard the monologue can tell you is not true.
  • Four words on bin Laden

    05/02/2011 6:40:34 AM PDT · by grey_whiskers · 27 replies
    grey_whiskers ^ | 05-02-2011 | grey_whiskers
    "Where's the Death Certificate?"
  • Why The Rush To War In Libya? (Tongue firmly in cheek)

    03/18/2011 8:16:04 AM PDT · by icwhatudo · 32 replies
    I don't understand why our war criminal president, fresh off of massacring 38 people in Pakistan, is in such a hurry to kill more people in Libya. Why don't we give sanctions more time to work? Why aren't we trying to get UN inspectors to go in and assess the situation? Maybe he is upset that his policy of assassinating US citizens without a trial has not produced as many dead bodies as he planned. Or maybe he doesn't think tripling the number of dead US soldiers in Afghanistan (From 155 under Bush in 2008 to 499 under Obama in...
  • President Obama Uses Teleprompter At Family Dinner

    Sources close to the Obama family have leaked word that President Obama has become so reliant on his teleprompter that he wont attend a family dinner without one. In addition to some protein with a side of carbs, the presidential teleprompter has become a staple of the Obama dinner table. Luke Snood, an Obama speechwriter, has stated that part of his daily writings includes questions and conversation topics for Barack to use during his evening dinner. Luke starts each dinner with, How was everyones day? He says, Its a simple opener but really starts the conversations flowing. From there, Luke...
  • Android Lloyd Webbers Review of the Movie Fair Game (Satire Alert)

    12/18/2010 3:23:46 PM PST · by TheVitaminPress · 1+ views | 12/18/2010 | Android Lloyd Webber
    air Game is a movie. It stars Yul Brenner and Ethel Merman. It was directed by Russ Meyer and is based on an original screenplay written by that kid from the television series Different Strokes. Not the one that ran for governor of California and died. The other kid. The red headed one that Mr. Drummond inherited after marrying a gol-digging mail order bride from Canada. He was only in four episodes. Fair Game is the true story of Valerie Plame. Plame was an administrative assistant working out of the Beverly Hills branch of the CIA. Plame also had this...
  • Children of the African Continent to Santa Claus: All we want for Christmas is some DDT

    12/17/2010 6:26:20 PM PST · by TheVitaminPress · 42 replies
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 12/17/2010 | Kip Hooker
    Africa- All across the mother continent this month there has been a hush. A deep reverence. And finally a heartfelt, but quite plea. From the mouths of babes and this lands most diminutive inhabitants have come the whispers, the pronouncement, the improbable imploring pleas. They have lifted up with one voice. Given utterance with one hope. And laid their request with one intention. That for Christmas this year when the jolly old man in red is bringing new Wiis and bicycles and easy bake ovens to good little children the world over- they would as well be remembered. That...
  • TSA Patdown of Barney Frank Revealed nothing significant

    12/03/2010 7:28:13 PM PST · by TheVitaminPress · 24 replies · 1+ views
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 12/03/10 | Kip Hooker
    Washington- Looking to ease some concerns over the TSAs new interrogation methods Congressman Barney Frank has offered up his talents in sorting things out. The 52 term representative from Massachusetts has sworn not to give up until he has determined if these proceedings are -in fact- a violation of Fourth Amendment rights or merely a necessary step in protecting us from rogue printer cartridges and other assortments of nefarious office supplies. To this end Frank has traveled to dozens of cities and subjected himself to hundreds of the pat downs. According to Frank these investigations of his crotch have turned...
  • John Stewart Announces the formation of Friends Against Speech Crime In Society Today

    11/02/2010 6:25:12 PM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 41 replies · 1+ views
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 11/02/2010 | Kip Hooker
    Washington - Capitalizing on the quasi-success of his recent Restoring Sanitation Rally in the capital city part-time funny man (and partial human being) John Stewart has expressed interest in creating a political action group which -he hopes- will restore decorum to the public discourse. Citing an ever increasing tension between the right and left in this country Stewart feels that, now more than ever, people of conscience must commit to the worthy cause of restoring restrictions on what free men and women are allowed to say. In keeping with this hypothesis Stewart -this morning- announced the formation of Friends Against...
  • One Trillion Attend One Nation Rally

    10/02/2010 11:07:29 PM PDT · by Nachum · 70 replies
    Human Events ^ | 10/3/10 | Connie Hair
    A crowd of about one trillion people attended the hard-left progressive One Nation rally on the Mall Saturday in Washington, D.C. Leave aside for a moment that there are around seven billion people inhabiting the entire planet, attendees came from as far away as Alpha Centauri and Uranus to attend the rally in support of Barack Obama and his big government agenda. All of these people want free health care (they already got the free lunch and T-shirt when they were bused in). In all seriousness, if you weren't watching MSNBC's kind coverage
  • Administration Confirms, Middle Class Will be Expected to Pay for Tax Hikes on the Rich

    09/21/2010 6:14:57 PM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 2 replies
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 091710 | Kip Hooker
    Washington- This is a time for hard choices. This is an age in which the tough decisions must be made. With those words White House Press Secretary opened todays presser. Barry Gibbs continued. Now a lot of those guys out there on the other side are going to tell you that we just cant afford tax hikes on the rich right now. They will tell you that the middle class just cant afford the jobs or patronage that will be lost. They will tell you that the middle class just cant afford the further downturn in the economy that such...
  • White House: Obama obviously not a Muslim, Muslims dont like pork

    08/23/2010 8:45:13 AM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 23 replies
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 08/21/2010 | Kip Hooker
    Washington- Responding to a shocking new poll, in which it was revealed that nearly 25 percent of Americans believe President Buraq Hussein Mohammed Ayatollah Obama is a closet Muslim, White House Press Secretary Barry Gibbs advised the Washington Press Corpse-men, Look guys it is pretty obvious Obama is not a Muslim . . . we all know that Muslims dont like pork. As it became clear to Gibbs that his statement had failed to sway cumulative opinion within the room the beleaguered administration mouthpiece attempted a different tact. Besides remember that book was sworn in on at the second ceremony...
  • Mr. Orszag goes to Hollywood

    08/21/2010 5:19:36 PM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 6 replies
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 08/20/2010 | Kip Hooker
    Washington- After a highly successful term as director of the official Office of Management and Budget famous economist -and part time human being- Peter Dick Orszag has announced that he will be vacating the position by the end of the month. Industry insiders and associated policy wonks are divided over their analysis of this news. Many are privately expressing their fear that all the impressive gains the economy has made over the last 18 months will disappear with the departure of Orszag. As noted economist and commentator Oliver Wendall Homeless explained it to The Vitamin Press: These are tough times...
  • Barack Obama, 'Muslim' President (Obama Is a Terrible 'Muslim President')

    08/20/2010 11:45:09 AM PDT · by nickcarraway · 65 replies · 1+ views
    Guardian ^ | Friday 20 August 2010 | Wajahat Ali
    Like many Muslim Americans, I had high hopes now dashed: our brother drinks beer, eats pork and won't fast at RamadanOne wonders why only 20% of Americans believe President Barack Obama is a Muslim, considering the overwhelming evidence conclusively proving his slavish allegiance to Islam and utter disregard for Christianity. After Obama's wishy-washy defence of Muslim Americans' freedom to build a community centre, which includes a mosque, two blocks away from Ground Zero, a poll from the Pew Research Centre reveals that nearly 20% of Americans up from 11% a year ago consider him a Muslim, and...
  • Under New Health Insurance Rules Blue Cross Blue Shield Forced to Change Name

    08/04/2010 10:55:12 AM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 28 replies
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 08/01/2010 | Kip Hooker
    The law of unintended consequences has struck again as mega health insurance provider Blue Cross Blue Shield was informed today by government lawyers that they will have to change the name of their company if they wish to remain in compliance with the new health care reform legislation. This decision is based largely on a recent landmark lawsuit against the United States in which the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals agreed that plaintiff -famous atheist and part time human being- Michael Newdows civil rights had been violated by Blue Cross Blue Shields use of Christian imagery in their company name...
  • Mississippi Ordered to Remove Barrier Islands

    07/03/2010 10:29:25 AM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 25 replies
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 07/02/2010 | Kip Hooker
    Gulfport, MS- After the conclusion of a seventy four day study on the relationship between the ecological devastation deodorant-wearing-transvestites can cause to the natural habitat of arctic penguins in regard to the mating habits of hairless chupacabras attending university in Syracuse New York it has been determined that states like Louisiana will not be allowed to build sand berms to protect their shores from an ocean of black death that has been -and continues to be- washing up and into their homes. Furthermore all states boasting natural barrier islands will have 30 days to remove such structures so as to...
  • Unemployment to Reach 0 by November, Just Like the Dow

    06/05/2010 5:11:57 AM PDT · by Texas Peartree · 15 replies · 576+ views
    The Voice of Reason ^ | June 5, 2010 | Texas Peartree
    The stock market was rocked Friday by the dismal May job report. The newest numbers showed that roughly 450,000 of the 500,000 "new jobs" created in May were government jobs. Yes, 90% of the new jobs were phony. The average new job created was a part time census taker, while the burdened private sector created only about 50,000 jobs. This strategic manipulation of the job market points to a trend that we will see more of as the mid-term elections approach. The ultimate goal seems to be to create phony-baloney jobs that hide the Obama Recession, no matter the impact...
  • Column: NC woman linked to Gore divorce

    06/03/2010 9:10:40 PM PDT · by bkopto · 57 replies · 4,854+ views
    ENC Today ^ | 2010-06-03 07:04:49 | Jon Dawson
    Apparently, the box is locked: Al and Tipper Gore are getting a divorce. The official word from the Gore camp is that the divorce was a mutual decision and that there was no hanky panky, no shenanigans, no side action, nothing on the schnide, no skullduggery, no nuttin just a good ol American divorce. While the spin doctors and nurses are acting like nothing went on, an air conditioner repairman who worked exclusively for the Gores said Mr. Global Warming has been inhaling too many carbon credits. First off, Gore isnt fat he keeps all the dough from...