Dems Call for Biden to Give Up Nuclear Launch Authority [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 Feb 2021 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

A group of Democrats in the House have called for President Joe Biden to give up his sole authority to authorize the launch of nuclear weapons. Rep. Jimmy Panetta (D-Calif) said "vesting one person with this authority entails real risks, especially when that person is manifestly cognitively impaired. We need to establish a process that involves a broader spectrum of participants who could discuss the matter before launching."

Panetta acknowledged the possible urgency issue of having only minutes to respond to an incoming nuclear missile attack, but maintained that "delay in mounting a counterattack is preferable to entrusting a mental incompetent to make the right decision. I mean, I tried to talk to the President about this, but couldn't break through to him. In response to me he asked 'what's a nuclear lunch? Why would I order one? Can't I just have my usual split pea soup?'"

Vice-President Kamala Harris called Panetta's concerns "overwrought. Joe's not going to do anything we don't tell him to do. He is the friendly face America needs to stay calm and unified. We already have a 'process' that involves a broader spectrum of participants. In fact, it was this broader spectrum that told the President to launch an air strike on Syria this week. As we saw, everything went off without a hitch. Congressman Panetta and his co-conspirators need to relax and get back to their real jobs of grabbing a piece of the COVID pork barrel spending for their home districts."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/300437-2021-02-27-semi-news-semi-satire-february-28-2021-edition.htm

[John Semmens]

ping

[pepsionice]

Joe keeps asking who the suitcase guy is that accompanies everywhere...can’t they find him an apartment or trailer? He keeps being told ‘codes’, and he thinks they are saying ‘coats’.

[clearcarbon]

"Joe keeps asking who the suitcase guy is that accompanies everywhere...can’t they find him an apartment or trailer? He keeps being told ‘codes’, and he thinks they are saying ‘coats’.

He'd better do his best to keep his day job because it's clear plugs won't be capable of learning to code.

[SunkenCiv]

Thanks John.

https://www.freerepublic.com/focus/bloggers/3936797/posts?page=37#37

[Oscar in Batangas]

Slo-jo should dispatch the nuclear codes guy to North Korea. Kim Johnny Un could then decide when is the best time to nuc hisself.
You know... Just cut out the middle man and save some money!

[Liz]

Obama, who still has his hands in the federal till, said, "Joe's not going to do anything I don't tell him to do.
Biden is the friendly know-nothing face America needs. The air strike 'process' involves a broader spectrum."

"It was this broader spectrum that got Biden to bombard Syria, b/c Michelle is hankering for a diamond necklace.....
and starting an endless war was the only way I could buy it for her w/ my cut of the war profiteering."

"Frankly," Obama said, "the Democrats in Congress noticing what's going on in the Biden WH was a shock."
"The suckers have been so busy skimming off a piece of Pelosi's COVID pork barrel for themselves."

[Starboard]

Joe keeps asking who the suitcase guy is that accompanies everywhere

**************

He needs two suitcases: one for the codes and one for meds.

[Seaplaner]

...Biden issued an executive order cancelling a prior executive order issued by Trump that limited China's access to American capital to help finance its military technology. Psaki explained that "the Trump policy stood as a barrier to unifying our two nations. If we allow them to get the weapons technology they want from us they will be less likely to attack our country because it would be nonsensical to cut its own supply line.

Okay, good reporting, John. (It could use a little satire, however.)

[TChad]

“I don’t want to hear your malarkey! Launch the, uh, the thing! I’m the president and I want you to launch it now!”