Posted on 05/04/2023 12:55:04 AM PDT by fieldmarshaldj
Hi, guys. Salamander needs our prayers, as she just lost her husband. Any words of comfort or anything positive are kindly solicited on her behalf.
Thanks and God Bless, --D.J.
I always recommend reading the Psalms.
I’d spend 20 minutes of my hour lunch doing that some days. Just to get through that day.
✝️🙏🛐
If he did not have a will at all, the surviving spouse is usually the one the court awards the estate to.
You’re in my prayers.
I live in Maryland too.
If you ever need my help let me know.
Prayers. Loss of a spouse is any spouses worst nightmare come true.
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”
And we are many more than 2 or 3, so He is going to hear our prayers.
I am so sorry for all your troubles. May the peace of the Lord reside in your heart today and every day and may all troubles be gone and forgotten.
Prayers for strength and faith, for our dear Salamander.
“ If he did not have a will at all, the surviving spouse is usually the one the court awards the estate to.”
****************************************************************
The courts almost always follow the law (except possibly in exceptional circumstances) of the state for intestate estates (I.e., no will). Not sure which state Salamander lives in but here are links for Maryland and West Virginia:
https://www.peoples-law.org/maryland-intestacy-law
It appears that Salamander will be entitled to at least half of the estate. Things like whether the deceased husband’s child(ren) are still minors apply.
More prayers being said for you
Please Shari, heed the advice here. Look to the Lord to give you strength. We cannot guarantee lack of pain, just the strength to endure it.
Cry out to Him. He can help you in your grief and difficulties.
You know, I heard that great song today. I don’t hear it much anymore though it was a big hit at the time. Mariah Carey, “Hero”. Perhaps this is a message for me to give to you.
Maryland and the son is quite well off but not likely to be benevolent.
Despite his mother cheating on his dad their entire time together, he flat out told me to get lost back in 1993 because I was “keeping his parents apart”.
Since his mom was shacked up with her illicit lover of decades, I was never sure how the son figured that was gonna work out whether I was around or not.
Ironically, I was faithful as a dog to him for 30 years, despite cardiac medications side effects that made it all “ platonic “ for 20 of those years but I really, finally got screwed in the end.
Now I wonder why I’ve even bothered to be a good, loyal and kind person at all because it sure didn’t pay off this time.
I feel so stupid, gullible and ashamed.
Tonight out of sheer habit and devotion I wandered into the supermarket deli section looking for the turkey subs or chicken wraps he loved.
Realized there was no point anymore and checked out crying.
I’m an oblivious, trusting idiot.
I hope so.
No house.
Terminal dog.
Car t boned by an idiot driver yet to be taken for an estimate because I’ve had to do literally everything due to his inability to even remember to pay bills anymore.
The once overly friendly dog is so traumatized by the loss of HIS beloved home too, has decided that *I* am “home” and must be defended at all costs, gotten snappy and has separation anxiety worse than I’ve ever seen in any dog, so much so that I had to run errands while hubby babysat him.
The dog who once loved to go everywhere with me happily and loved all people became a neurotic who went berserk if anyone came remotely close to the car.
Now he doesn’t even have his babysitter and I have God knows how many places I’ll have to go leaving him here alone.
All I can figure is that he watched strangers invade his home that day and never got to back so all strangers are enemies now.
In one day, he became a totally different dog.
The house fire set in motion a forced march through my own private hell.
Eventually cancer will win and I’ll lose him too.
I don’t know if I’ll survive that.
Already hanging by a thread.
:(
God bless ALL of you for taking such care of me.
If you only knew how much I cherish my FR family….
Saying Hail Marys. Wish I could do more.
Ok Shari, You’ve replied to 2 others and continue with the depression, gloom and doom and listing negative crap, NOW SNAP OUT OF IT !!!!!!!!!!
YOU HAVE NOT YET ANSWERED 3 QUESTIONS I ASKED YOU EARLIER !!!!
WHY NOT ????
I’M STILL WAITING...
AND YES I AM MAD AND “YELLING.”
XOXO
I’m sorry honey
Truly
“…Before that My Fiancé slid off the road in a rainstorm, the car flipped over landing in a creek and She drowned, still strapped in the seatbelt. She was an excellent swimmer but She was knocked unconscious and couldn't get out of the car. Stacey was 34 years old. I still think about Her every day. Next, shortly after Ken was my 2nd Wife who was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer shortly before we were married. After chemotherapy, a mastectomy and radiation it spread to Her brain and She died before our 1st anniversary. Deborah was 58. She's on the every day list also.”
I'm sorry, but I thought you were a woman. I apologize if I ever referred to you, wrongly.
Not a problem, happens regularly.
I equate it to My going out in the general public decoy plan.
“The dumb look on My face is just cover.”
Or
“Baffle them with bullshit or bedazzle them with brilliance.” (I like to use this on the British because they always use the word “Brilliant”)
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/brilliant
People think I look stupid so I can get away with just about anything, if needed. I just keep it in reserve.🤪
I’m sorry.
I’m having to post on an old iPad because the phone is just impossible and having a hard time with the onscreen keyboard being squirrelly and autocorrect constantly changing things or accidentally touching the screen wrong and erasing half of what I’d written.
Finding I have to force myself to eat the little I do, having panic and palpitations and just generally not coping so great.
My chest hurts often.
What 3 questions?
Forgive me but I’m so overwhelmed I’m getting lost in what I read.
I’m VERY WORRIED about the chest pains, palpitations and anxiety attacks. I think that You should go to ER and get checked out and see about getting some Valium (just a few) to let You relax a bit for a while.
Tell the Doc what’s happened in the recent past. If nothing else PLEASE at least get an EKG and some bloodwork done to make sure that You haven’t had a mild heart attack.
Have You tried using the Voice Typing option on the iPad ?
◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️🐾🐾
The questions:
Have You gathered up any of the Paperwork I told You that would be needed ? YES or NO ?
Have You made any NEW calls to any places on the List I sent to You ? YES or NO ?
Has this “son” actually tried to get ANYTHING or is this in Your head and You’re using it as a wall because Your give-a-shit factor is going further downhill ? The TRUTH in Your answer please.
◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️🐾🐾
❤️❤️❤️
I have found his DDR and discharge papers, our wedding license and his SS number.
So far I’ve not been able to get anyone at social services or SS to answer the phone.
Tried to get a duplicate driver’s license online because mine melted in the fire but the fact that he’s on vehicle titles shot that down.
No idea how to get him off of them.
Didn’t have money to bury him so the er people suggested science donation and did but then they called and said the living can’t donate the dead, the dead one had to have made arrangements themselves.
They told me to contact Rocky Gap veterans cemetery and I did.
Sent them photo of his discharge papers.
He’s in Baltimore at the Body Board place and I have to call them back Monday to see if he can be a special exception, or if they’ll cremate him or what.
Otherwise I have to pay for that and drive a long way to pick him up in a car that was t boned and leaks vital fluids now.
I can’t go to an ER because I have NO health insurance now.
He cancelled the payments from his state check that provided protection of any benefits for me after his death back in 2009 or so and didn’t tell me.
I can’t get medical care until I somehow get Medicaid or whatever.
No idea how long that’ll take and cannot be racking up any bills as I’m having to pay bills he owes now.
My dad bought this house for me in 1989 so I would never be homeless and kept it in his name but after he passed, hubby connived my mom and me into putting him on the deed too, so my dads plan to protect me was foiled.
He never got around to making a will, despite my mom constantly offering to pay a lawyer to have it done.
This is why I’m in panic mode.
Everything that was mine became his as well, by default of the deed and I might lose the house twice, first to the fire, then to probate.
I’m having a very hard time reckoning with the fact that the person I sheltered and took care of for 30 years and countless health issues, did not return the favor by making any plans for me if he died.
I am overwhelmed by all of it and am having a hard time keeping everything straight as so much info is overloading me.
Plus, I hurt badly that I was ultimately cared for so little.
Half my life was thrown away for this nightmare.
I don’t know how how process the grief of his death alongside the discovery that he intentionally stopped all the benefits I could have continued to receive.
I’m hoping my own heart issues right now are just anxiety.
He worked for the state prison in Hagerstown as a welder/maintenance worker.
They deducted an amount every month that paid for providing for me if he died.
Sometime around 2009 or so he simply stopped paying that deduction and I was no longer covered.
I have no idea how that was done or exactly when.
I was not aware he’d done that until years later, yet he claimed I knew he’d done it when I did find out and freaked.
I did not sign anything to the effect of stopping that protection.
*If* I ever “signed” anything it would have been done so because of income taxes and I thought it was just the general filing jointly paperwork.
I trusted him.
More the fool, I.
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