Posted on 12/24/2010 6:00:11 AM PST by PJ-Comix
I used to love to hand the Sci-Fi novel, "Venus On The Half Shell" by Kilgore Trout, off to people and act like it was a serious work. Then wait for their reactions as they read about space aliens who communicated by tap dancing and farting. A lot of them would take it completely seriously which really made me laugh. Anyway, the DUmmies have wandered into speculations about "If Aliens Were to Land. What would You Do?" as you can see in this THREAD. The results are equally hilarious. So let us now watch the DUmmies speculate about aliens landing on Terra in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if those aliens that the DUmmies spy in the sky aren't really Santa Claus and his reindeer, is in the [brackets]:
If Aliens Were to Land, What would You Do?
[Remove my Obama bumper sticker?]
Take up arms?
[Justice Breyer channeled James Madison and imagined that you DON'T have that right.]
Run and hide?
[In Ben Burch's rear cave?]
Get down on your knees and beg for mercy?
[Too late. Intergalactic forces have determined that all DUmmies in the universe MUST be wiped out.]
I welcome them to Earth then ask them to ZAP conservatives with their DEATH RAY!
[Until that time just have the FCC ZAP conservatives off the airwaves...and now from the internet.]
What if In their eyes, we are all too conservative?
[Invasion of the Bolshevik Aliens!!!]
If they turn out to be benevolent, I would ask them
1. what was up with all the cat and mouse over the years?
2. Do you have a "God"?
3. Why does everything exist? (maybe answered by #2)
[4. Is there life after birth?]
Make sure my ass is well-lubricated so their anal probes won't hurt so much.
[That MUST be Ben Burch.]
Apologize for the mess, and warn them about religious nuts who may feel compelled to attack, simply because they are so f*cking ignorant and faith based.
[And of course those religious nuts you are referring to are NOT Muslims who are really causing the problems.]
Wet my pants.
[Depends...on their intentions.]
Thank whatever deity deemed deserving for the chance that help to put down the PTB has arrived!
[Go for Goddess Gaia!]
They already did and I sang like a canary. Sold out the entire human race.
[LOL! You get credit for an INTENTIONALLY FUnnie line.]
... I would likely shit myself.
[But only AFTER wetting your pants. Proper etiquette must be observed.]
"Take me with you!"
[Sorry. Your spot on the spaceship has already been taken by Roy Neary.]
beg them to remove me from this shithole.
[No problem. They will gladly relocate you to North Korea.]
See what Michael Rennie had to say...then take it from there.
["Klatu DUmmie Nikto."]
Wonder how long it will take for their viruses to wipe us out.
[The reverse happened in "War of the Worlds."]
what if they turned out to be famous alien porn stars looking for some seriously strange?
[Then direct them to Ron "Hedgehog" Jeremy.]
Ther benburch approach.
Klaatu, take me away!
Well obviously I would hit them in the head with rock to see what would happen....
(Line from a Tim Allen movie)
Winnuh!
Send them back to Mexico, Guatemala, Ecuador, wherever they came from...
Back in the Eighties there was a science fiction story called “Saint Theresa of the Aliens” which had the premise that when the aliens showed up, they landed in Russia, declared the Commies had it right all along. The DUmmies probably expect something very similar to happen if the space brothers show up, only they’ll land in Berkeley.
Are these Aliens with Green Cards, or without Green Cards?
Best post of the thread!
Since this is his first thought, do we even wonder how and with whom (and how many at a time) this DUmmie does the Horizontal Mambo, AKA "The Dance With No Steps?"
When I saw the picture you posted, and compared it with the picture at the top of the thread, I kept wondering if what we see in Michelle is really an “oversuit,” her hair is long to cover a ziper up the back of her neck, and she is really one of “them?”
1) Ask them if they work cheaper than the Chinese, Bangladeshis, et al. (Have we got a trade deal for you!)
2) Accept their offer of $24 for Manhattan. (in gold)
3) DO NOT send anyone named Montezuma to greet them. (Our legends tell us . . .)
4) Ask to see their recipe books first. (Translated)
5) Ask whose side they are on. (Supposed question by a supposed govt. agent via a supposed clairvoyant who supposedly claimed he was in contact with the supposed aliens, some years ago. Then again, that would be typical of the govt.)
How do I get some of those Fusion razors from you? Those are a good shave.
"Hey, I'm just here on vacation -- solve your own problems!"
Cranberry juice? Your kidneys thank you.
Fusion Proglide razors. First thing you would need to do is move Southeast from Utah. BTW, I think I will be able to get my choice of power and manual on those razors. What's the difference?
I didn’t know they had power Fusion razors. I just used the Fusion that came as a freebie with the newspaper. The blades lasted long time and gave a really close shave.
Apparently, the Power razor oscillates. It’s still a wet razor, but the jiggling “micropulses” are supposed to give you an even smoother shave.
Or a severed carotid.
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