Skip to comments.Santa's Martian Adventure
Posted on 12/22/2016 8:33:39 AM PST by Oldpuppymax
(with apologies to Clement Moore)
'Twas the night before Christmas and all 'cross the planet The children were playing, 'til their folks said to can it, And sent them, excited, to snuggle in bed With visions of Santa Claus inside their heads. 'Cause this was the night that St. Nick would come by In his pressurized sled, swooping down from the sky And entering Marsport through the air exhaust shaft Would give out the presents he'd brought in his craft. Bright toys for the kiddies, parcels from home, Memories of Earth, where they'd no longer roam. And after he left all the presents and things To the bright rings of Saturn his way would then wing; Where once more old Santa'd deliver the toys For all of that colony's good girls and boys. Then, finally finished, he'd head back to Earth And land at the North Pole's own rocket ship berth. But back here on Mars, though we didn't all know; There was one nasty person with something to show; Her name was Fitzsimmons, and nothing could faze her (Cause she'd just assembled a powerful laser!) And she hated Christmas 'cause she got no presents From the miserable Marsmen she thought were all peasants. "And this year," she vowed, "I'll make them have fits By blowing their Santa to laser-charged bits!" (And I know she meant it, cause I was nearby At a viewport, computer scanning the sky For that telltale blip that I knew would mean That Santa Claus' sled had come onto the screen) And out of my viewport, I saw with a shock . A space suited figure emerge from the lock Carrying equipment out onto the land Where it set up a tripod on ruddy-hued sand. Then it mounted the hardware (I didn't know what, But it looked like some weapon lined up for clear shot). Then from my computer I heard a loud blip And back to the screen I let my eyes slip. And wouldn't you know, to my eyes did appear A fast-moving object that really looked queer! And tracking its course I knew (after a pause) That it came here from Earth, and it must be S. Claus! And swooping down low over top the domed city Came that pressurized sled, looking ever so pretty. I looked out the viewport, St. Nick waved his hand And, turning around, he descended to land. Then that space suited cad gave away its foul game As it swung 'round that weapon and started to aim Right up there at Santa, who noticed at last But didn't seem bothered by impending blast! Then the laser gun fired a bright, shiny beam Like the powers of hell from some very bad dream. And the light was aimed true, right between Santa's eyes, And Christmas, it seemed, would be blown from the skies! But by some kind of magic not quickly detected The beam bounced off Santa, completely reflected Right back at Fitzsimmons, who stood there in shock And was blasted to bits on the cold, Martian rock! So Christmas came after all, happy and gay As truly befitted the specialest day And Santa Claus left us all beautiful things like Ganymede turquoise and Lunar rock rings. Then he went up the air shaft and back on this trip Heading for space at a really fast clip. And his sled left a trail of incredible light Spelling out "Happy Christmas to all, and good night!"
Now for something completely different:
Post and run
Even Mars has paragraphs.
Features a ten-year old Pia Zadora.
This movie should have won an Academy Award (well, more decent than the crap they make now).
It was the "Citizen Kane" of Santa Claus/alien encounter movies.
“Santa Claus vs The Martians” is a classic.
But, nothing compares to the MST3K treatment of “Santa Claus.”
Apologies to Henry Livingston, Jr., not Clement Moore. Accepted.
Shakespearean scholar MacDonald Jackson spent two solid years proving with statistical analysis that Clement Moore didn’t write the poem. Henry Livingston, of Poughkeepsie NY, did.
But irregardless of original author, a great current variant!
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