I Guess I’m an Angry White Man

Taki's Magazine ^ | 17 Jan, 2017 | Joe Bob Briggs

[MtnClimber]

JUPITER, Fla.—The plastic remote on my Sunbeam Electric Heated Fleece Blanket went haywire last night and made me oversleep, so I spent the day in my spaghetti-strap T-shirt and my favorite pair of wind pants from the Adidas outlet store out on Interstate 95 binge-watching the Death Wish series because I couldn’t remember which movie had the scene where Charles Bronson blows away Laurence Fishburne with a perfect American Sniper-style long-distance kill shot that goes through the giant boom box Laurence is holding on his shoulder and into the lowlife gangbanger’s skull.

It turned out to be in Death Wish II, but by the time I found it I was in the grip of Angry White Man Syndrome and so I had to watch all the way through to the vastly underrated Death Wish V: The Face of Death because I had fond memories of the cyanide-laced-cannoli scene.

That’s what we Angry White Men do.

When we’re not beating up our wives and girlfriends or killing Meskin illegals with our concealed-carry Glocks purchased at the Tactical Knife and Gun Wholesale Megamarket in Lumberton, North Carolina, we’re pretty much leading normal lives hanging around the Waffle House so the process server can’t find us and extradite us to southern Alabama to face charges on the 47 months of back child-support payments we never paid because we “just forgot, Your Honor.”

[MtnClimber]

I did not realize I was an angry white guy until I read all those articles about Trump voters.

[RegulatorCountry]

Funny he’d choose Lumberton, NC. Not exactly the whitest place on the planet, lol.

[Theoria]

Joe isn't always angry.

[patro]

Ha! No kidding. My first reaction too. Lots of Lumbee around there too, and Lake Wacamaw.

[lastchance]

This guy does movie reviews too. I had no idea he lived so close by. I’d love to see him on stage, if he does that.

[Undecided 2012]

As soon as I read arrested for 47 months back child support I didn’t need to finish. If you are a man you raise your child very much preferably as a married husband, or if it doesn’t work out, you raise them responsibly

[MtnClimber]

As soon as I read arrested for 47 months back child support I didn’t need to finish. He was trying to make fun of how the liberal elites portray southern white men.

[Tallguy]

It’s satire. Taki was the editor of the NYPress before it was sold off and became a glorified coupon-clipper mag. He has written some good stuff. Probably PO’s most New Yorkers.