Skip to comments.California Enacts Strict Water Rationing [semi-satire]
Posted on 06/12/2018 12:23:24 PM PDT by John Semmens
After years of drought, the California Legislature has enacted severe restrictions on household water consumption. Under the new law, by the year 2022 residents in California will be limited to 55 gallons per person, per day. An eight-minute shower uses about 17 gallons. A bath uses about 80 gallons. A load of wash uses about 40 gallons. Each toilet flush uses about 1.5 gallons. Fines for exceeding the daily 55 gallon limit can rise to $10,000 per violation for repeat offenders.
To enforce compliance, the state government will deploy surveillance systems to spy on all residents. Utility providers will be obligated to report on violators, and urban retail water suppliers are expected to use satellite imagery, site visits, or other best available technology to develop an accurate estimate of each person's water usage. A reward program to encourage neighbors to "rat out" each other is also under consideration.
While many residents wonder how they'll comply, Gov. Jerry Brown (D) assured them that "it's not so hard. I often go a week or more between showers. Americans have developed an unreasonable fetish regarding cleanliness. Europeans don't bathe as often as we do. Yet we regard them as fashionably chic. Just slap on a little more cologne. If you must wash up daily consider showering at the YMCA or go swimming in the ocean."
"Another trick you can use to conserve water is wait until your toilet is full before flushing," Brown continued. "I've found that by cutting back on dietary fiber I've been able to limit flushing to a maximum of once a day and have been able, with the aid of some air freshener to stretch that out to multiple days at a time. You could also use a public restroom in a government building or at a fast food restaurant whenever possible and let someone else bear the expense of disposing of your bodily waste."
"You know, the real heroes of conservation are the homeless," Brown contended. "They've shown us all that it is possible to live without showering, washing, or flushing. They live more naturally and have a far smaller environmental footprint than their more materialistic neighbors. If more of us were to choose that lifestyle it would solve a lot of our environmental problems."
Thankfully, the law exempts swimming pools, spas, and fountains. So there is no danger that the state's more important residentscelebrities, corporate executives, and high-ranking government officialswill be unduly inconvenienced by the rationing scheme.
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Another good one John. Hey, do you know if watering golf course is also exempt?
80 gallons for a bath. ?????
That’s way over the average of 43 gallons a bathtub holds. Less if there is a person in it.
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