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Biden Jumps into Race for Dem Nomination [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2019 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/26/2019 5:46:02 PM PDT by John Semmens

This week, former Vice-President Joe Biden announced "I am making myself available for voters to elect me the next president of the United States." Anxious to appeal to his Party's lunatic caucus, Biden unleashed an epic gaffe fest.

First among many bloopers, Biden asserted that "Trump is the worst thing to happen to the world in my lifetime." Well, World War II was in full swing in 1942 when Biden was born. Fifty million people died in that war. This was followed by several other wars in Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq in which hundreds of thousands were killed. Biden's lifespan has also encompassed the nuclear standoff of the Cuban missile crisis, the assassination of the Kennedys, and the 9/11 terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington, DC. Surely, at least one of these events has to be worse than the rising incomes and record low unemployment inflicted on Americans by Trump's economic policies.

Biden lurched from his "worst thing" claim to a recasting of Hillary Clinton's dismissal of Trump voters as "deplorables" to his own characterization of them as "the dregs of society. These are people who are so selfish that they object to paying higher taxes to cover the living expenses of the flood of newcomers crossing into this country yearning to eat free. We need these people to help elect Democrats who will continue the transformation of America promised by President Obama."

The ex-Veep went on to praise Antifa for "having the courage to fight for progressive ideals in our country. What the Republicans contend is unwarranted violence against innocent individuals is, in reality, focused force meant to instill a redistribution of wealth from those who have earned it to those who need it. Hopefully, the beatings, arson, and vandalism that have been necessitated by some people's continued resistance to social change will abate when their acquiescence becomes the norm."

The person most disappointed by Biden entering the competition for the 2020 presidential election is Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ). "I was hoping that he would designate me this generation's 'clean, articulate, and good looking guy,'" Booker lamented. "Maybe it's my own fault. I've already committed to a female running mate. So I can't pay Joe back like Obama did. But a possible win-win scenario might be for Joe to identify as female. Having a transgender running mate would be even better for me and it might neutralize the groping, nuzzling, and sniffing concerns about Joe since it would just be girl-on-girl action."

In related news, Sen. Mitt Romney reacted to President Trump's complaint that "if you'd hit Obama as hard as you hit me, you might have been president" by pointing out that "Obama was a clean, articulate and good looking guy. You're not."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/260211-2019-04-26-semi-news-semi-satire-april-28-2019-edition.htm


TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: antifa; biden; booker; dregs; election; exhibitionist; flasher; freak; groper; hairsmeller; handsy; kiddiediddler; metoo; molester; perv; pervert; plugs; romney; satire; sexfiend; sexualharasser; skinnydipping; trump; weirdo

1 posted on 04/26/2019 5:46:02 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 04/26/2019 5:47:30 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

: ) Good work, John Semmens. BUMP!


3 posted on 04/26/2019 5:58:40 PM PDT by PGalt
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To: John Semmens

Biden seems full of crap as usual.


4 posted on 04/27/2019 6:58:00 AM PDT by oldtech
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