Skip to comments.Sanders Brandishes Progressive Credentials [semi-satire]
Posted on 05/12/2019 11:03:01 AM PDT by John Semmens
Irked by rival contender for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination former Vice-President Joe Bidens claim to be the most progressive candidate in the race, Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) advised voters to look at our comparative actions. Claims should be backed up by deeds.
I have been advocating for socialism for decades, Sanders boasted. Meanwhile, Joe has been groping and sniffing every female he can get close to. I ask: which of these behaviors is the more progressive?
For his part, Biden pointed out that free love has long been an integral part of progressive doctrine. By taking the initiative to show my love for those humans within my reach I am in step with this doctrine. I am not ashamed of this and I urge voters to compare my style of progressivism with Bernies insistence that murderers and rapists in prison be given the right to vote.
Sanders characterized Bidens view as self-serving and exploitive. My love for all of humanity, even those who stray from moral norms is more Christ-like than anything Joe has done in his entire life. Not only do I think that felons should be able to vote for who shall govern America, I have also hired one as a senior campaign adviser. The felon hired by Sanders is Charles Rocha, was convicted for embezzling money from the United Steelworkers Union. Rocha used the money to buy to buy hockey tickets and golf trips, expenses he asserted were necessary for his mental well-being.
In related news, Biden asserts that the US has a moral obligation to provide health care for everyone who needs itincluding those in the country illegally. I know Republicans will claim that this is fiscally beyond ours means, but they lie. America is the richest nation in the world. Our citizens spend a lot of their money on non-necessities. They could easily get by with a lot less. What I am suggesting is that we repeal the Trump tax cuts and take peoples excess income and use it for the nobler purpose of healing the sick regardless of where they came from or how they got here.
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
Sanders has moved from socialist to progressive.
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