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Gov Orders Gardens Torn Out [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 May 2020 | John Semmens

Posted on 05/10/2020 3:20:22 PM PDT by John Semmens

Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (D-Mich) ordered state police to “investigate and exterminate unauthorized gardens” that have popped up in the increasingly warm spring weather in her state.

“Look, I outlawed the purchase of seeds as part of my stay-at-home directive,” she explained. “The appearance of well-tended gardens raises suspicion that the homeowner has either illegally bought seeds, gone outside for nonessential activity, or both. If we allow some individuals to flout the law like this people will tend to lose confidence in my governance.”

“I have instructed law enforcement to act on either on their own initiative or in response to a tip from a citizen snitch to approach suspected violators and interrogate them,” Whitmer said. “If those residing in homes with a garden cannot persuade the investigating officer that they had nothing to do with the flowers or vegetables growing in their yards they will be given seven days to tear out the illegal garden or face a fine of $1,000 or 30 days in jail.”

Meanwhile in Kansas City, Mayor Quinton Lucas ordered that churches in the jurisdiction “turn over the names and addresses of anyone attending services. Worshipping a nonexistent deity is the very definition of a nonessential activity. Violators must not be allowed to cloak their illegal activity behind a claim of constitution privilege. During this emergency it is my responsibility to protect everyone from being endangered by the irresponsible behavior of others. I will not be deterred by fanatics waving an out-dated piece of paper at me.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://azconservative.org/2020/05/09/gov-vetoes-telemedicine-bill/


TOPICS: Government; Health/Medicine; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: flowers; lockdown; michigan; satire; tyranny; vegetables; whitmer

1 posted on 05/10/2020 3:20:22 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

"I give zee orders. You vill obey or elze Fritzl here vill putz you on zee midnight t-r-r-r-ain to reeducazion camp."

2 posted on 05/10/2020 3:27:58 PM PDT by Liz (Our side has 8 trillion bullets; the other side doesn't know which bathroom to use.)
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To: John Semmens

Where’s the satire?


3 posted on 05/10/2020 3:28:20 PM PDT by Hugh the Scot ("We are domed!" - V V Camp Enari 67-68)
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To: Liz

What exactly is she wearing in that picture?


4 posted on 05/10/2020 3:29:46 PM PDT by independentmind (Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt m)
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To: independentmind

A scowl.


5 posted on 05/10/2020 3:39:11 PM PDT by Kirkwood (Follow your Inner Trump)
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To: independentmind

A brown shirt——vaht elze?


6 posted on 05/10/2020 3:39:17 PM PDT by Liz (Our side has 8 trillion bullets; the other side doesn't know which bathroom to use.)
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To: Liz

It looks like a leather jumper with a blouse underneath.

If I recall, leather sheath dresses were in a few years ago.

The blouse underneath does not work at all.


7 posted on 05/10/2020 3:44:31 PM PDT by independentmind (Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt m)
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To: John Semmens

How Stalinist.
Kill the kulaks!


8 posted on 05/10/2020 3:44:38 PM PDT by Fred Hayek (The Democratic Party is now the operational arm of the CPUSA)
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To: independentmind

Khakis


9 posted on 05/10/2020 3:46:51 PM PDT by rktman ( #My2ndAmend! ----- Enlisted in the Navy in '67 to protect folks rights to strip my rights. WTH?)
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To: Liz

This outfit is the Aufseherin. Women guards in the camps wore this type of outfit. She is the Chef Oberaufseherin, “Chief Senior Overseer“ part of the
Nazi Volksgemeinschaft.


10 posted on 05/10/2020 3:49:33 PM PDT by ofcrob2237
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To: ofcrob2237

I forgot look up Irma Grese (AKA “The Hyena of Auschwitz”) you will see that same outfit


11 posted on 05/10/2020 3:54:18 PM PDT by ofcrob2237
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To: ofcrob2237

LOL......nice title, Gretch......cackle.


12 posted on 05/10/2020 3:55:43 PM PDT by Liz (Our side has 8 trillion bullets; the other side doesn't know which bathroom to use.)
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To: independentmind

Looks like a vinyl bus seat cover.


13 posted on 05/10/2020 4:09:08 PM PDT by fluorescence
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To: ofcrob2237

There really is a resemblance of Irma to Gretchen.


14 posted on 05/10/2020 4:12:20 PM PDT by Polynikes ( Hakkaa paalle)
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To: fluorescence

LOL!

Pretty sure it is leather.


15 posted on 05/10/2020 4:12:48 PM PDT by independentmind (Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt m)
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To: Liz

She hasn’t aged well since appearing in the movie “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”... Only her name has changed...


16 posted on 05/10/2020 4:49:04 PM PDT by SuperLuminal (Where is Sam Adams now that we desperately need him)
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To: independentmind

“What exactly is she wearing in that picture?

A bullet-proof vest made from the skin of a lockdown protester.


17 posted on 05/10/2020 5:49:06 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: Liz

Looks like a concentration camp guard.


18 posted on 05/10/2020 6:01:44 PM PDT by SkyDancer (~ Just Consider Me A Random Fact Generator ~ Eat Sleep Fly Repeat ~)
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To: John Semmens

Now don’t put ideas in the Witchmer’s head she might just do this


19 posted on 05/10/2020 6:10:02 PM PDT by hondact200 (Lincoln Freed the Slaves. Obama Enslaves the Free. Trump 2020 - Keep America Great)
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