Posted on 06/29/2020 1:19:37 PM PDT by John Semmens
Alarmed by the 120 million COVID-19 fatalities since the beginning of the pandemic, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden promised "I will use the unconstrained powers of the presidency to ensure maximum protection for everyone who is still alive after I am elected. I only hope I am not too late."
Among the protective equipment Biden says he intends to distribute are face masks and hazmat suits. "This equipment combined with a nationwide lockdown barring all nonessential activity will give our people the best chance of surviving the virus," he said. "There will be no need for anyone to venture out and take unnecessary risks. The government will deliver food and medicine for however long it takes for an effective vaccine to emerge."
"Over the longer term, I will implement measures to help repopulate the country," Biden added. "These will include open borders, birthing bonuses, and total economic support for every woman who is willing to be a full time parent. This will include food, housing, clothing, and recreation."
"The one thing I fear most is that there might not be any people left come November," Biden admitted. "With 120 million killed over the last three months and the COVID infection rate accelerating to new peaks every day the survival of a sufficient breeding contingent seems very iffy. We may need our military to depose Trump before November if we hope to avoid such a dismal future."
Speaking of health, the Biden Cancer Initiative spends nearly 80% of the donations it receives on salaries conferences, conventions, and meetings. The benchmark for a well-run charity is for these expenses to consume 25% or less of donations. Joe Biden rebuffed the contention that there is anything wrong with his charity by pointing out that "a lot of good people got good jobs working for the Cancer Initiative" and "the Clinton Foundation has a similar breakdown for its expenditures."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=406625.0
Correction: Among the protective equipment Biden says he intends to distribute are "Hunter Biden" brand face masks and hazmat suits.
I wear I full body condom, meself.
Biden also intends to fire the entire CDC staff and make Hunter the COVID-19 Czar. Hunter is now an expert on personal protective equipment after knocking up a stripper in a bout of condomless sex.
How about face shields?
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