Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Young Blood Therapy Sparking Interest [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 April 2021 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/11/2021 10:35:56 AM PDT by John Semmens

An experiment demonstrating how injections of blood from young mice into older mice had miraculous rejuvenating effects on the brains and bodies of these older mice is sparking interest in trying this out on humans.Secretary of Health and Human Service Xavier Becerra called this experience “intriguing. It could be that the ‘fountain of youth’ has been within us all along. It may be possible for us to prolong the lives and heath of important members of our society by extracting blood from children and injecting it into worthy recipients.”

Becerra speculated that “a first beneficiary could very well be President Biden. He has spent nearly 50 years of his life serving in government. Now that he is in the most important and demanding job in the world the need to restore him to tip-top shape—both physically and mentally—is dire. What we need to do is develop a protocol for getting the blood out of young people and into his veins.”

“Just thinking off the top of my head, it seems like the blood from aborted fetuses would be an optimal solution,” Becerra said. “The younger the blood, the more invigorating it should be. Since aborted fetuses have no further need for their blood there would be no harm in extracting it. The main potential problem may be whether there is enough fetal blood to meet the needs of all the key members of government who need it.”

“We are batting around a few ideas for stimulating an increase in supply,” he added. “One is to offer bounties designed to increase the number of aborted fetuses. Another is to offer parents of young children a generous stipend for signing up these children as regular blood donors or if that proves insufficient making donations mandatory for children between certain ages. I mean, if we can require that all teenagers sign up for the military draft I believe we have the authority to require blood donations from whoever we need to meet the demand.”

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://libertyusa21.wordpress.com/2021/04/10/senator-calls-defense-of-economic-freedom-craven-political-stunt/


TOPICS: Government; Health/Medicine; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: becerra; biden; bounties; children; democrats; fetuses; satire; vampires

1 posted on 04/11/2021 10:35:56 AM PDT by John Semmens
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Vampires have known this for centuries.


2 posted on 04/11/2021 10:44:23 AM PDT by Captain Compassion (I'm just sayin')
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Captain Compassion

3 posted on 04/11/2021 10:54:28 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion, or satire. Or both.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Youth is wasted on children.


4 posted on 04/11/2021 12:13:02 PM PDT by Mr. Blond
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens
Countess Elizabeth Bathory comes to mind.

Along with those wild Adrenochrome rumors.

This is ghoulish, unethical, cannabalistic...

5 posted on 04/11/2021 1:11:55 PM PDT by ZOOKER (Until further notice the /s is implied...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson