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"Biden Unifier" Weapon Announced [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 November 2022 | John Semmens

Posted on 11/21/2022 10:10:38 AM PST by John Semmens

Encouraged by the successful deployment of a Long-Range Acoustic Device (LRAD) for crowd control in Australia and Canada, US Secretary for Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas touted "its perfect fit for dealing with threats to our democracy. The sounds are invisible, inaudible and fully controllable in respect to target, direction and range. The sound waves can temporarily debilitate and sicken anti-government demonstrators when set at low intensity. At higher intensity it can scramble brains. Because these waves are undetectable the intended victims have no idea the weapon is being used on them until it's too late. It is the perfect stealth weapon."

Mayorkas boasted that "such a device completely neutralizes the danger of an armed citizenry. It is a technological trump of the Second Amendment. It can also be used to keep the First Amendment right of freedom of speech within acceptable limits. The so-called Trump rallies that have polluted the country with anti-government propaganda could be silenced at the flick of a switch."

The Secretary suggested that the weapon "be designated the 'Biden Unifier,' in honor of the man who has saved our country from the MAGA menace. For generations to come the American people will get down on their knees and give thanks to the greatest President this nation has ever had."

Outgoing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) seconded Mayorkas' suggestion and added "Joe Biden has been a great President. He has accomplished so much. He's put money in people's pockets, vaccines in their arms, masks on their faces, weapons in the hands of Ukrainians, and saved our democracy. Not only should the new weapon be named after him, but the Twenty-Second Amendment should be repealed so he can continue to be president for as long as he lives."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,485163.0.html


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Military/Veterans; Politics
KEYWORDS: disobedience; dissent; disunity; maga; mayorkas; pelosi; satire; tyranny

1 posted on 11/21/2022 10:10:38 AM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

https://youtu.be/7G_mbRiEooI


2 posted on 11/21/2022 10:14:51 AM PST by Segovia
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To: John Semmens

Where’s the barf mega alert?

Since this employs sound waves, which are in essence frequencies, they can be detected with the proper equipment.


3 posted on 11/21/2022 10:19:08 AM PST by LastDayz (A blunt and brazen Texan. I will not be assimilated.)
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To: John Semmens
Long-Range Acoustic Device (LRAD) for crowd control>

The only agency that should issued these is the US Border Patrol.

4 posted on 11/21/2022 10:21:10 AM PST by usurper
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To: usurper
The only agency that should issued these is the US Border Patrol.

Good idea! Might I add, "Issued in large numbers"?

5 posted on 11/21/2022 10:28:27 AM PST by sima_yi ( Reporting live from the far North)
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To: John Semmens

When do the war crimes tribunals begin? These people are enemies of the populace and need to be removed, tried and imprisoned. ASAP


6 posted on 11/21/2022 10:55:41 AM PST by Conservative4Life (thy merchants were great men of the earth; for by thy sorceries were all nations deceived. Rev18:23)
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To: John Semmens

Hmmm, sounds like what they are using in Havana. Did we sell them a license?


7 posted on 11/21/2022 1:35:47 PM PST by RetiredTexasVet (Biden not only suffers fools and criminals, he appoints them to positions of responsibility. )
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