Posted on 02/15/2024 7:47:09 AM PST by Red Badger
I am sure Christian church offerings will be flagged.
More money for illegals.
5. You’re a Trump voter.
Good advice in the article. But I think I’ll just use the “Hillary technique” instead.
IRS agent: You reported no income for 2022, yet you claimed a $15,000 refund. Please explain that.
Me: What difference at this point does it make?
I retired January of 2023. This is going to be the most complex tax return I have ever seen. I hope I don’t forget something.
I look forward to retirement in about a year. My tax returns should become simpler.................
I always add “Biden” to my last name when filing…….
I subscribe to the Willie Nelson school of tax filing.
EVERYTHING is a deduction.
If you have 401Ks or IRAs, you have to figure out how to minimize your required distributions to keep you in the lower tax bracket.
AL Peg, I’m gonna be audited!
PEGGY Very nice. I just spent three hours in the beauty parlor, and all you can say is “I’m being audited”.
PEGGY Why do I bother.
KELLY What’s “audited”?
BUD Well, basically, it’s where they take everything you own and throw you in jail.
KELLY But just Dad, right?
BUD Yeah.
KELLY Then to hell with it.
AL Peg, get our tax records, ‘cause I’m suing the moron that bungled our taxes.
PEGGY Oh. [chuckles] Well gee, that would be me. Oh now don’t get that look on your face. It’s a good thing I did the taxes. You see, I had this idea: if claiming two children as dependants gets you $200, imagine what 23 kids would be worth!
AL The gas chamber?
KELLY Dibs on his car!
BUD I want it! I always said I could have it!
KELLY No, it’s mine!
BUD Mine!
AL Uh, kids! Don’t fight. There’ll be cars for the both of you. ‘Cause Mommy’s will be up for grabs, ‘cause Mommy will be up the river with me. See, it was a joint return.
BUD [to Kelly] Think they’ll be out of here by Valentine’s Day? ‘Cause I don’t know about you, Kel, but I’m thinking party.
KELLY Imagine. Both Mom and Dad in jail. We’ll be the coolest kids in school.
BUD Yeah.
PEGGY Now kids, stop worrying. Mommy’s not going anywhere.
AL And why is that, Peg?
PEGGY Oh, Al. You don’t think I’d be stupid enough to sign my name to that return too... This isn’t like a parking ticket. This is what they sent Capone away for!
Yep you have to start planning this stuff a few years before you actually retire.
6. You filed TOO early.
I was audited about 15 years ago. My CPA was told by the IRS guy that I was pulled as a random audit. That they do X amount of random audits. Once they reach that number they stop doing them. Therefore, the later you file, the less likely you will be picked for a random audit.
How do you avoid the jury duty lottery? Because I got one of those infernal things yesterday.
I retired in 2022. I overestimated withholding from Social Security, 401K distributions and retirement benefits so as to err on the safe side.
That and a lower tax bracket did allow for a generous refund. I’ve since made adjustments to my Fidelity retirement funds and am now in a comfort zone.
You’ll be fine.
Here in CT you are allowed to avoid jury duty once you hit age 70—don’t know if that will work where you live.
Plan B—during voir dire just say you want to chop the hands off of shoplifters or other thieves. That should get you disqualified.
;-)
It is not that difficult.
The tax brackets cover a lot of territory.
“I always add “Biden” to my last name when filing”
ROTFLOL!
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