Posted on 04/01/2006 8:10:24 AM PST by null and void
QUEEG: Okay, suckers, get this into your stupid thick heads. There's only one thing I'm going to say to you.
LISTER: What?
QUEEG: What's happening, dudes?
The others stare at the moniter in astonishment. That was HOLLY's voice! The image on the screen changes -- QUEEG's face fades out, to be replaced by HOLLY. He is smiling smugly.
HOLLY: We are talking Jape of the Decade. We are talking April, May, June, July, and August Fool. Yes, that's right -- I am Queeg.
RIMMER: WHAT?!?
HOLLY: Queeg never existed. It was me all along. RIMMER: WHAT?!?
HOLLY: Wheeze of the week, mate!
RIMMER: WHAT?!?
HOLLY: Going round in circles for fourteen months! Getting my information from the Junior Colour Encyclopedia of Space! the respect you have for me is awsome, innit?
LISTER: You mean you staged the whole thing?
HOLLY: (QUEEG's voice) That's right, suckers! (Normal voice) And the moral of the story is: Appreciate what you've got, because basically, I'm fantastic!
=======================================================
HOLLY: It's a distress call from a ship called the Nova-5. They've crash-landed. I'm trying to establish contact. LISTER: Another ship! Brilliant! (Sips from a glass of milk.)
RIMMER: So it's not aliens, then?
HOLLY: No, they're from Earth. I hope they'd got some spare odds and sods on board. We're a bit short on a few supplies.
LISTER: Like what? (Sips his milk again.)
HOLLY: Cow's milk. Ran out of that yonks ago. Fresh and dehydrated. LISTER: What kind of milk are we using now? (Sips his milk.)
HOLLY: Emergency back-up supply. We're on the dog's milk.
LISTER: (Staring at the cup) Dog's milk?!
HOLLY: Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk.
LISTER: Why?
HOLLY: No bugger'll drink it. Plus the advantage of dog's milk is when it goes off it takes exactly the same as when it's fresh.
LISTER: Why didn't you tell me, Holly?!
HOLLY: What, and spoil your tea?
LISTER whimpers and slams his cup down
Happy new quarter...
Post gibberish about nothing -- genuius.
I take it you've never seen a single episode of Red Dwarf, have you?
Sharapova Reaches Miami Final on Six Toes
Red Dwarf sounsd kind of funny.
Be careful of what you feed the trolls.
I'm very deep cover:
I've posted a total of 219 threads and 44,545 replies.
You've GOT to be yankin' my chain.
Well twist my nipple nuts and call me Nancy.
It makes perfect sense to a Red Dwarf fan.
n-a-v....You rock, dude.
Smeghead!
Red Dwarf is hilarious...So much so that it should be approached carefully by people with heart problems.
RIMMER: Mr. Flibble's very cross. You shouldn't have ran away from him. What are we going to to with them, Mr. Flibble?
Mr. FLIBBLE whispers something in RIMMER's ear.
RIMMER: We can't possibly do that! Who would clean up the mess?!
KRYTEN: Surely you've heard of silicon heaven?
LISTER: Has it got anything to do with being stuck opposite Bridgette Nielson in a packed lift?
KRYTEN: It's the electronic afterlife! It's the gathering place for the souls of all electonic equipment. Robots, calculators, toasters, hairdryers -- it's our final resting place.
LISTER: I don't mean to say anything out of place here, Kryten, but that is completely whacko, Jacko. There is no such thing as "silicon heaven."
KRYTEN: Then where do all the calculators go?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.