Obama saves Earth from Apocalypse: what's next?

Washington Times ^ | 12-23-12 | Oleg Atbashian

[ReformationFan]

As we celebrate our narrow escape from the Mayan-Republican Apocalypse of December 21, 2012, the American media is living up to its reputation as the people's fearless truth-teller, by correctly attributing our miraculous collective salvation to Barack Obama. The consensus among the media experts and celebrities can be best expressed by this unbiased quote from CNN: "If you don't think Obama is god, you're just stupid."

According to an ancient prophecy, the Mayan calendar would end on 12/21/2012 with a big comet (or other large-caliber assault weapon that the NRA protects from government control) falling off a physical cliff and striking the United States in karmic retaliation for Bush's tax cuts and suppression of undocumented Mayan voters in swing states. Some experts estimated that, in addition to total death and destruction, this could result in the loss of all accrued Social Security benefits and free government-mandated health care, as well as a severe climate change as the planet would burn to a crisp.

As the dreaded date approached, the media downplayed the Doomsday prediction as some authentic New Age gibberish propagated by people using medical marijuana for non-medicinal purposes. Such moral and intellectual guidance helped to stave off panic among the middle class working families, which could lead to a scarcity of wait staff at bistros that media personalities patronize. Privately, however, they realized that the prophecy was true and that we were all doomed.

But, as members of the fourth estate heroically passed their final hours feasting on wine and cheese while cursing people who disagreed with them on Twitter, something wonderful happened: NOTHING! It was like the fiscal cliff negotiations writ large.

Suddenly, as if by magic, all top-shelf, professional, state-accredited journalists across the nation knew the truth: the reason for both nothings were the actions of

[ReformationFan]

Good satire. Although it reads like a real article from the usual suspects(ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, Washington Post, etc.).

[smoothsailing]

The People’s Cube, some of the best satirists on the web.

[TigersEye]

When his work is done here he is going to keep Andromeda from crashing into the Milky Way.

[null and void]

Obama? I thought it was Jello Pudding Cups that saved us!

[BlueDragon]

The Mayan calender thingy was quantitatively eased. Hey, no problem. Just make up more days. No worries.