Read one sailor’s incredible response to ‘What’s the laziest thing you’ve ever done?’ (Humor)

Yellow Hammer News.com ^ | 1/12/2015 | CLIFF SIMS

[Beave Meister]

Reddit users were asked “What’s the laziest thing you’ve ever done?” And one former sailor’s response is so incredible we had to share it.

We usually only write about Alabama-related things, so let’s just assume this took place aboard one of the Alabama-built Littoral Combat Ships.

I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he’s still half asleep, bleary eyed… basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a big bright-a** circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He’s squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It’s painful to watch.

But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I’m-still-totally-asleep voice, he says ‘heeeey. It’s OPS. Could you… shift our barpat… yeah, one six five. Thanks.’ And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting.

[Beave Meister]

Pretty funny....

[ClearCase_guy]

That’s epic.

[Still Thinking]

That has to be an all-time classic.

[GeronL]

lol

[Crim]

HEHEHE

[mozarky2]

And I thought I was sorry! Looks like I’ve got some catching up to do!

[Crim]

BTW that’s why when our guys are left alone we win wars...thinking outside the box....LOL

[CAluvdubya]

Awesome!

[mrsmith]

I am in awe.

[Veggie Todd]

...Littoral Combat Ships.

I read that first word wrong. I thought it was missing a "C".

[exit82]

I didn’t know Bill Murray was in the Navy. /s

[skr]

It’s good to be the OPS, lol!

[barmag25]

awesome.

[SunTzuWu]

He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I’m terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he’s not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel.

Outstanding.

[MarchonDC09122009]

“LCS”
I hear you - my adolescent mind radar reacts to that name, too.
LCS - an ill named and conceived ship...

[BBell]

That is hilarious in a way that only a prior service man could completely appreciate.

[Jet Jaguar]

Active Duty/Retiree ping.

[Beowulf9]

lol.

[Boogieman]

Some things are meant to be read littorally.

[Boogieman]

That’s great.

I can appreciate this, because I can be ridiculously lazy sometimes, when I do not feel like doing something (if I want to something, I can do it almost manically). However, I offset this by usually being able to do things at least three times faster than the other guy, when I finally get around to it. At least, I tell myself that is a pretty good justification :)

My other justification is: I’m not being lazy, I’m conserving energy. There is a limited supply, and I am doing my part to avoid another energy crisis!