Obama Bans Wealthy From Hoarding Gold

SkinnyReporter ^ | by Justin Thyme

[Lazamataz]

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama today banned private ownership of more than a quarter ounce of gold, saying the move was necessary to revive the economy.

"Wealthy Americans are bailing out on the economy by taking their money out of circulation and hoarding gold," Obama said as he signed an executive order reminiscent of Depression-era President Franklin D. Roosevelt's ban on the possession of gold.

"The wealthy are violating their trust and abusing their position by investing in gold," Obama said. "My order will put an immediate end to this practice, which threatens to hijack the good efforts of Congress and my administration, which needs at least 3 trillion dollars of additional stimulus money to maintain an acceptable rate of growth of the federal government. My motto is 'If you're not getting bigger, you're not getting better.'"

Obama made the announcement at a dais set up in the White House Rose Garden and immediately left without taking questions, his customary practice in his ongoing effort to eliminate transparency in government.

[butlerweave]

Will Obama give up his Muslim ring ?

[Gunslingr3]

Why are you posting this?

[elcid1970]

Now, now, you forgot the mandatory `satire’ alert which prevents panic among jumpy FReepers.

;^)

[Lazamataz]

No, you

[Lazamataz]

O crap. Sorry.

[Leaning Right]

Laz, what are you trying to do, give all the gold bugs here fits?

It probably would have been better to say in the title Humor or Satire.

[Lazamataz]

It’s a thing.

[jonno]

You should have added the satire tag. Some will believe this is true...

[gaijin]

Recently it has become very difficult to tell the difference between a joke and actual reality.

[knarf]

THAT was fun ..... thanx

[Lazamataz]

I am so screwed.

[Hulka]

Better include “Satire” in the tile.

[Lazamataz]

I put it in the topics.

Now we're all gonna die.

[Lazamataz]

Too late.

Now I will never hit it.

[onyx]

Thankfully, this is TOTAL B.S. and today is NOT even April Fool's.

[Lazamataz]

I know. But it still gave me a goose. Right in the buttock area.

[E. Pluribus Unum]

Thanks for giving Obola ideas.

[Lazamataz]

Sorry.

[Lazamataz]

OH GAWD I SUCK!!!!