Sounds to me you gave him a great foundation. Maybe this is just Gods way of showing him how right you were. I think you did fine. Doesn’t every kid go through some sort of phase? Put it in Gods hands. I hope for the best and I don’t think you need to place any blame on your part. Rest easy and congratulations on raising a child to the point of “Launch”. Far better than a snowflake living in mom’s basement posting on DUh...
Kids rebel. That is how they are wired. Especially ones that are dependent on mommy and daddy. I think it is an evolutionary trait that once kids get to be teenagers (especially boys) they have a natural urge to reject their parents. It probably has something to do with biology tricking them into leaving the nest and striking out on their own. It is far easier for them to only reject their parent’s values while still accepting their parent’s material help so lots of time you will see situations like yours.
Once he is out on his own, winning and losing every day based on his own merits, this natural urge to rebel will subside. Making rent or getting a raise will seem more important than Comrade Sander’s views on equality. Once he has a family of his own and is charged with defending, protecting and providing for them, he will not only stop rejecting you but will actively seek your advice and try to emulate things you have done.
My best advice on how to deal with him is to politely and peacefully counter any negative opinions he has of conservatism/traditional values/patriotism/etc.... Just simply tell him that his opinion on a particular subject is wrong and why it is wrong. Don’t let it get heated. Don’t let his opinions get under your skin. Know that you are ultimately right and eventually he will realize it.
I also think that 2017 in particular is adding to your troubles. People everywhere are split along partisan lines and are having trouble dealing with relatives that believe differently.
I didn't, but my parents did. With me. My folks were very conservative, although they mindlessly voted democrat all their lives. I thought I was the smartest guy in the world there for a few years in my early twenties. Socialism = good = compassionate, Capitalism = greedy and evil. "If Jesus was on earth today he'd be a socialist"...yada, yada, yada. I knew it all. All it took for me was a few years paying my own way and struggling to get by before I realized that I was wrong about sooooo much.
It slowly dawned on me that not only was I not the liberal genius I thought I was but that a lot of what President Ronald Reagan was saying were things that I instinctively knew were true. By 1984 I was a full throated, enthusiastic Reaganite and I've never looked back! I never did get me parents to come around away from the democrat party but they were thrilled that I was no longer a border line socialist.
He's still your son. Love him, support him when you can and pray that his eyes are opened. It may take longer for him than it did for me, the liberal indoctrination he's been through in school from K to college is much worse than what I experienced but he can change. Pray for him.
Life has a way of teaching.
Regarding “tolerance”, you could try challenging him to make a tolerant case against intolerance, but be sure to call out every instance of intolerance in his case against intolerance.
If his cognitive functions are working, it may make a crack in his liberal bent. One cannot make a “tolerant” argument against “intolerance”.
23 is still pretty young. I was still a leftie at 23. I didn’t really get red-pilled till about 33.
He is rebelling
For the most part, we have not discussed politics since then. He's tried to start a discussion a couple of times. Once, he was actually saying something we could agree upon. However, I would not continue the conversation. That made him angry. I reminded him how angry he'd been on the prior discussion, and said that, while we were in agreement to start with, the discussion could progress to where we were not. I did not ever want to see him that angry again. (Seriously, his neck veins pop out like he's some Cardassian, and a vein in his forehead pops out and makes me worry about him having a stroke!)
Lighten up dude. You know the saying about being liberal when you are young and conservative once you are older? And this ‘rejecting family values” what kind of horse manure is that? Kid not allowed to have his own mind about things? Who is trying to indoctrinate who? You simply love him and say son, you are entitled to your opinion and this is America where people are allowed to speak their mind. Be respectful. He obviously has no life experience because of his age. He will mature and his ideas will evolve. At least he is thinking about things. Be patient. He doesn’t have to swallow your “family values” hook line and sinker. It is better for him to come to his opinion based upon his own experience and thinking.
Let him go. There is no creature so arrogant as a 23-year-old with a college degree and no significant real world work experience.
Remember the parable of the prodigal son. Welcome him back with open arms when he returns to you. But first, he needs to go out into the world and make his own way for a while, before he can grow to respect and appreciate all you have done for him.
My experience has been that it will take four to five years for this to happen. All you can do is be patient.
He’s an adult now, going out completely on his own. He’ll fail or succeed on his own. That includes belief or behavior outside of his upbringing. It sounds as if you’ve done your job as a parent, if so he’ll be well served by that and will eventually return to the fold. But, even if he doesn’t he’s your son. Love him all the same. Most teens think their parents are stupid, falling prey to every passing fad and belief because they think they’ve discovered something new and better. Chalk it up to delayed adolescence.
There’s only so much you can do within today’s parental limits. That is, limited by social services, the school system, what they watch on TV, read in news and peer pressure just to mention a few.
Don’t overlook genetics too. That’s a biggy. Some genetic factors deal with behavior and personality.
We have a similar case in our family. You just gotta learn t let kit go, get on with life, and find what happiness there is.
He’s an adult - you raised him 72 but you don’t own him. Your son’s an arrow you send into the future.
Many of us come from ‘mixed’ families. My larger family’s liberal... when some of them were ‘de-friending’ Trump supporters, many made an exception of me because I’m family - and they love me.
I appreciated that and returned the favor - - do that with your son. Accepting him is not the same as taking on his beliefs.
Buy a round trip ticket for you and your son for a week vacation in Venezuela. Tell your son his task while there is to buy toilet paper and bread.
I can’t give any advice, but I can tell you that I am going through exactly the same thing.
My 28 year old son who once stood and defended Christianity is now scoffing at the notion that God exists.
He did not attend college, but most of his friends did - and they collectively turned him around. He is anti-God, anti-America, etc. He was home-schooled and grew up with Rush on the radio in the background every afternoon. His sister is the opposite - stayed true, married her Christian high school sweetheart, etc. A mother’s dream. But the boy....well, he’s proud to be the black sheep.
Fortunately, he’s still a nice guy and is fun to be around, so we all get along. We just avoid certain topics. The odd time he spouts off and makes fun, I just shake my head and say, “You’re a bright guy, Mike. You’ll figure it out some day.”
I, like you, can do nothing except be a positive example and pray.
I had rebellious daughter . She was 16, in the gifted program in school. Met a worthless slug of a boyfriend. Quit school, etc.
We were in a quandary, so many plans for her future, smart girl, college.
Finally went to Tough Love. They made us realize we couldn’t live her life, she would have to make her own decisions.
We could set the rules while she was under our roof.
That relieved us of a huge burden of questioning ourselves.
She came around when I told her that on her 18th birthday all her possessions would be on the street in front of the house. She knew I meant it.
Let him go, his decisions are his alone.
You guided him, if he didn’t accept that guidance, well, it’s on him.
My advice is to work hard on your youngster. Teach her to question what EVERYONE says & look up the facts & verify for herself. Do it with her on school projects. The leftists are in junior high & high schools, too. The sooner you start the less likely you’ll be dealing with this unhappy situation a second time.
Don’t feel lonely. Mr. GG2’s daughter hasn’t contacted him in mos. She is a totally brainwashed snowflake posting all the usual nonsense on Facebook. He calls her out on it and now she won’t speak to him. I have two nieces on the spectrum as well. I keep the peace with them by not generally discussing politics.
Long story short I believe we have a generation that has been lost and we will not get them back. The baby boomers did not keep an eye on the public school system and what can you do with a bunch of young people who have been brainwashed into socialism from 1st grade through college?
“He wrote a blog recently called “Why Liberals Lose” and it basically said that liberals know they are smarter than conservatives, and they just have to learn how to convey their message better so that conservatives will understand it.”
He answered it right there. People don’t LIKE people who “know they are smarter” and THAT is “Why Liberals Lose.”
The fact is that nearly everybody rates themselves as somewhat or a lot better than average in all areas. This comes from an interesting book: “You Are Not So Smart: Why You Have Too ManyFriends on Facebook, Why Your Memory is Mostly Fiction, and 40 Other Ways You’re Deluding Yourself” by David McRaney. This book kind of puts things in perspective by showing how our minds, memories and conclusions work, as in the rating of one’s self as better than average example.
P.S. I also want to ask someone like this, “So how does it feel, to know you are smarter than all members of a group, some of whom have written great books, started huge businesses, solved major problems, and so forth? And, how is “smart” defined since there are at least seven intelligences? And, how did you discover that you are so smart?”
In my experience people who think they are smarter than everybody else just have no idea of how much they don’t know. Dunning-Kruger effect.
One of the values he’s rejecting is your hard work in your business. When he comes begging for money (and he will) tell him in no uncertain terms that he has to work for it just like you did. He’ll hate you in the short term, but maybe it will get through to him that life isn’t free handouts from mom and dad.