Posted on 07/03/2018 9:36:34 PM PDT by Lean-Right
No I don’t enable his alcohol
or drug use. He’s very good at hiding
his “ stash” and bottles. My only
hope in this regard, is that his abuse
doesn’t escalate.
I understand.
I watched my brother die of alcoholism at age 50 because the rest of my family didn’t want to see him homeless and suffering. They literally “loved” him to death. He died 12 years ago...I will never get over it.
I suggest counseling for you and perhaps your wife. This is about getting HIM to get the help he needs, not making you feel better by “helping him not suffer”.
I know that seems harsh. I saw it all up very close and very personal and held my brothers hand as he took his last breath. That was much harsher than anything I’ve said to you here. It did not have to happen and it doesn’t have to happen to your son.
God bless you and your family and your son. I will put you all in my prayers which I greatly believe in. YOU see a counselor, hopefully a tough one.
From what you write, there was a physical brain injury. I wish the psychs would separate that from mentions of PTSD, which is often described as being purely mental. Some of the linguistic activism in medical rackets is nauseating.
He needs to see someone who specializes in physical head injuries, even if it was a shock injury without any apparent skull wounds (shock wave from explosion, etc.; still physical injuries).
He might need a structured environment (impatient or full time facility) for a while. It’s not always a permanent situation. I’ve known several men who recovered from physical brain injuries to really be themselves again for all practical purposes.
It’s getting tiresome with the greedy, lazy, brutal medical rackets refusing to have manage and direct funding to full time facilities for people who need them. Such human conditions shouldn’t be relegated to families and neighbors (us) without related educations, training and facilities. The medical and insurance racket crooks are focusing their efforts more on where the money is (favorite pet demographics, helping rich folks to live forever, etc.).
Remember that you can only do so much, and that it’s best to try not to worry beyond what problem solving can be done and what actions can be taken. And if you can pray...well, pray.
Your letter & what you shared is priceless; very grateful you took the time.
I will pray for this wounded person and the whole family.
Capito. Your son is suffering. He does not belong in your house. He belongs in a home for the disabled.
Yes, lots of suffering. He needs disability insurance and a social worker to place him in a home. Talk to the department of mental health in your area to get the ball rolling.
Dear Lean-Right, praying for your son, your wife, and whole family. I hope some of the experience and suggestions others shared help your son, and give you some hope & encouragement. I am grateful for your son’s service and very sad that he’s suffering as a result, and ask God to relieve and heal him.
Maybe a special type of pet dog would help him?
Prayers going up.
Look at it this way: alcohol and pot ARE his meds.
I think it’s important that alcoholics and potheads eat right. Make sure he gets a salad every day. No hot dogs or cold cuts. It’s important to eat grounding vegetables like beets and carrots (tubors) and other vegetables. Even a hamburger now and then. I’ve seen it happen before. My Viet Vet friend died in 1998; only ate hot dogs, corn pops and ziti. And lots of beer. We still miss him.
May God bless.
PTSD is horrible. Have a male cousin with it that is living with me. He was sexually molested as a child. Therapy and a good medical team who understands that the alcohol is the self medication to lessen the pain. (They now have medicine that removes the desire to drink. It’s been very helpful)
Your son needs a safe place to feel the emotions he has stuffed. Being emotionally constipated is no way to go through life
Prayers and meditation helps
We will include you and yours in ours ! With God all things are possible!
Perhaps you might wish to reach out to Point Man International Ministries (PMIM).
From the PMIM info page: “Point Man International Ministries was founded by Bill Landreth in 1984. Bill was a Vietnam veteran who served with the Americal Division. For years he had suffered from what is known as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Having many symptoms of PTSD, Bill couldn’t get all of his needs met by the Veterans Administration (VA). We believe VA provides a very necessary and important role on the road to most veterans recovery, but the concentration does not target the “spiritual” part of man. “
If you are interested, here is a content page for the Coos Bay, Oregon chapter: http://pointman101.org/PMIM.htm
and here is an information page on International ministries:
http://www.pointman101.org/PM.Ministries.htm
I know the pain...so very well. It was my husband who suffered a severe concussion due to a fall.
The man that I adored “died” that night on the floor; it took five years of bruises, broken bones, horrific verbal abuse & a gun held to my head to finally realize that I needed to save myself:(
I also quit speaking to my family for a time because that would really set him off. He would not work much after the accident, so the financial burden was also on me.
He would NEVER admit that he had changed and he most certainly did not think that he needed help..apparently that’s common depending on the area of the brain affected. It’s like they have no idea who you are or why they are somehow stuck with you. On my end...there was this man with the same face, same beloved voice, etc...but “he” wasn’t in there.
As several posters have said above, he may find help with serious therapy...if you can get him there.
Guess my main point in posting is to ask you to REALLY consider the toll that it is taking on you (clear from your post), but also the other family members. Bless you & your hero son; I hope he can one day make it “back” to the family.
Tough love is your only hope. Your son cannot be allowed to continue living with you.
My heart goes out to you, your wife and your son as it is a terrible situation to be in.
Go to your local American Legion and set up an appointment with the Service Officer. The Legion has contacts with sources nationwide that can offer assistance.
Start here:
https://www.legion.org/serviceofficers
Good luck, FRiend
Prayers done for All involved.
I know others are going to say use the VA. I’m going to say be careful with the VA. They have a tendency to just stuff one full of drugs and send them out the door.
I say this as I have watched it happen to a Loved one. It didn’t end well.
Prayer (((PING)))
Often, young folks with these issues need to be firmly told what to do. They are often seeking solutions ( like alcohol/pot you describe) but are doing so w/o wisdom or knowledge. Get him alone, in a quiet time and simply tell him to get his act together. Give him a firm but softly spoken “direct order”.
Seek out counsel for yourselves too. Maybe do that first.
Been there/done that.
My faith in Jesus as my healer and savior and Lord made my life possible. Often we survivors have issues in dealing with the guilt of having survived.
I am greatful to my God that men like your son felt so committed to doing the right thing they threw themselves into the fray so hard to protect that which they loved so much back in the real world.
Strong prayers up for your son and entire family.
Praying for you all.
Wrong poster
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