A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,” said Bob, “But we don’t have a ladder.”
The woman said, “Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox.”
She loosened a few bolts, and then laid the pole down.
She then took a tape measure from their toolbox took a measurement and announced, “Eighteen feet, six inches” and walked away.
Ray shook his head and laughed, “Well, ain’t that just like a ‘Miss-know-it-all woman’" he said, “We need the height and she gives us the length!”
Ray and Bob are still working for the government. But now they are congressmen.
LOL!
Thank you!
Most those are very funny jokes. They deserve a drum roll and a high hat cymbal sound. I can see a Borscht Belt comedian like Henny Youngman in a well tailored suit and carrying his violin telling those jokes at some famous man’s ‘Roast’.
Don Rickles too, if alcohol is being served.
Rodney Dangerfield, another stand comic genius.
He didn’t get no respect either!
Two women were tourists in the city. They asked a man directions to the museum. He said, “Go south 3 blocks and turn left.”
She asked him, “Which way is south?”
He answered, “It`s to your left.”
She asked her lady friend, “Which way is left?”
Rule Two: If her mother is a bitch, do not marry her. Sooner or later, most of use more or less turn into our parents.
Rule Three: If she has a history of dating jerks, steer clear. You'll always be on trial.
Rule Four: Don't be a jerk.
Since we’re telling husband-wife jokes:
Bill Clinton is starting to have - shall we say - difficulties while in bed with Hillary. So Bill goes to his good friend Jesse Jackson for advice.
“The secret”, Jesse tells Bill, “is to start by roaring like a lion. It will give you all the confidence you need.”
That night Bill and Hillary are in bed. It’s 2 AM, the lights are off, and Bill is feeling amorous. So he roars like a lion.
“Is that you, Jesse?” Hillary asks.
bkmk
A Boy Baby and a Girl Baby are sitting on the Floor playing.
The Boy Baby pulls open his Diaper, points down and says, you don’t have one of these.
The Girl Baby pulls open her Diaper, points down and says, with one of these I can get a hundred of those.
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven
The angel said: “Unfortunately, there’s only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: “Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said: “Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”
Stormy was outraged and asked, “What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”
“Sorry, Stormy,” said the Angel, “but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are.”