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Report: Mueller To Release Results Of Investigation Day Before 2020 Election
The Babylon Bee ^ | December 4th, 2018

Posted on 12/06/2018 7:25:44 AM PST by Jeff Chandler

WASHINGTON, D.C.—On Tuesday, it was announced that Robert Mueller’s report regarding possible collusion between President Donald Trump and Russia will be made available the day before the 2020 presidential election.

"My team has spoken with every person of interest, reviewed all the relevant information, and we will be finalizing the report over the next 699 days," Mueller stated during a televised interview with NBC’s Todd Foley following the announcement.

When asked why the finalization process would take so long, Mueller’s eyes took on a distant look. He then began to smear white makeup across his face, and draw a crimson smile that stretched from ear to ear.

Foley asked again. As a flicker of light came back into Mueller’s far away eyes, he slowly turned his head toward the veteran journalist, and said: "Some people simply want to watch the world burn."

The interview concluded, and Mueller sauntered out of the studio.

With 699 days until the report is released, Democrats might have to find another issue on which to campaign in 2020.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: mueller; satire

1 posted on 12/06/2018 7:25:44 AM PST by Jeff Chandler
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To: Jeff Chandler

I love it.


2 posted on 12/06/2018 7:27:19 AM PST by HeadOn (Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. - John Wayne)
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To: Jeff Chandler

It’s a humor site, folks. Don’t get your knickers up in a bunch...


3 posted on 12/06/2018 7:28:29 AM PST by COBOL2Java (Marxism: Trendy theory, wrong species)
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To: Jeff Chandler

Humor


4 posted on 12/06/2018 7:29:39 AM PST by babble-on
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To: Jeff Chandler

He may as well. The so-called investigation has been looking suspicious in many ways.


5 posted on 12/06/2018 7:29:46 AM PST by familyop ("Welcome to Costco. I love you." - -Costco greeter in the movie, "Idiocracy")
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To: Jeff Chandler

WHAT OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh wait... its humor? WHO CAN TELL ANYMORE!?!?!?!?!?


6 posted on 12/06/2018 7:31:26 AM PST by Mr. K (No consequence of repealing Obamacare is worse than Obamacare itself.)
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To: Jeff Chandler
Asked why the finalization would take 699 days to complete, Mueller’s eyes took on a distant look.

"I wish I'd worn clean underwear---I hat getting caught with my pants down."

7 posted on 12/06/2018 7:33:59 AM PST by Liz (Our side has 8 trillion bullets; the other side doesn't know which bathroom to use.)
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To: Jeff Chandler
Babylon Bee is great. I loved this story:

Caravan

8 posted on 12/06/2018 7:42:38 AM PST by rjsimmon (The Tree of Liberty Thirsts)
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To: Jeff Chandler

When asked why the finalization process would take so long, Mueller said: “Some people simply want to watch the world burn.”

Yup


9 posted on 12/06/2018 7:57:30 AM PST by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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To: COBOL2Java
It’s a humor site, folks. Don’t get your knickers up in a bunch...

For a few brief moments, this "humor" was a click or two above what most of us felt when Clinton won a second term, O won a second term and Hillary was a slam dunk far into election night. Corrupting elections is what we expect of the Red Dems.

Therefore, just for laughs, the choking nightmare you will indeed have over the next few nights is me stuffing borrowed, unwashed snickers down your throat. Think about that before you go to sleep.

- {;^] -

10 posted on 12/06/2018 8:12:54 AM PST by frog in a pot (Result of many state bailouts? Taxpayers elsewhere in America get to finance the Left's growth.)
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To: Jeff Chandler

Love.
The.
Bee.


11 posted on 12/06/2018 8:17:39 AM PST by karnage
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To: Jeff Chandler

Funny and sad at the same time...if it weren’t for the corrupt DOJ and company, this satire wouldn’t have any roots to have developed.


12 posted on 12/06/2018 8:26:47 AM PST by trebb (Those who don't donate anything tend to be empty gasbags...no-value-added types)
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To: frog in a pot
Therefore, just for laughs, the choking nightmare you will indeed have over the next few nights is me stuffing borrowed, unwashed snickers down your throat. Think about that before you go to sleep.

Like the Baby Ruth that Carl found in the swimming pool? :0)


13 posted on 12/06/2018 8:30:31 AM PST by COBOL2Java (Marxism: Trendy theory, wrong species)
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To: Jeff Chandler

https://www.dailycrusader.com/2018/12/first-doj-indictments-unsealed-clinton-foundation-connected-bank-mossack-fonseca-tied-to-money-laundering/

Enjoy


14 posted on 12/06/2018 8:42:37 AM PST by ExTexasRedhead
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To: Jim Robinson; John Semmens

Whyizzit that John is required to post the word “satire” in his headlines, thereby destroying their impact, yet articles from the Bee are not?


15 posted on 12/06/2018 8:51:18 AM PST by Roccus (When you talk to a politician...ANY politician...always say, "Remember Ceausescu")
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To: Jeff Chandler

I read it twice and believed it thrice!


16 posted on 12/06/2018 9:40:39 AM PST by SES1066 (Happiness is a depressed Washington, DC housing market!)
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