Posted on 10/30/2020 7:48:43 AM PDT by Colonial35
Good Morning! She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!” My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!” Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then Gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?” She explained, “The egg timer’s broken.”
The Husband Store
A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at
the entrance:- ‘You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the
value of the products increase as you ascend the flights.
You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up
to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
The 1st floor sign reads::
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework
and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Did you know what happened to Helena Rubinstein?
Max Factor
Foamy The Squirrel drops some Halloween truth: https://youtu.be/H3VUjHSycpI
Wonderful. Thank you for the ping! HAPPY FRIDAY!
stolen !
“16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.”
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That’s my favorite one!!!
I have to admit I just howled except for one...the moles and the honey and maple syrup. I just DID NOT get ‘molasses’. I tried and tried. G....a...d...s..I am dense!
Thanks for the great laughs! I cried laughing at many of these pitiful attempts at humor!! I would, indeed, read more if you provide it!! I am sure my decorum will be much better! o)___|\~”
Nemaste
I resemble that!
Self-ping.
Excellent, except for the apostrophes.
Numerous Fokker aircraft are Fokkers.
A horse belonging to Freddy Fokker is Fokker’s horse.
At the same time I will steal your superior way of telling this joke!
Sadly I doubt many Americans know what Fokkers, Junkers, or Messerschmitts are anymore.
If we lose this damned election it will be because THEY HAVE THE SCHOOLS AND THE MEDIA.
I winder where they got that idea?
All in all a brilliant thread.
Based on yard signs, Biden is in third place, right behind Trump and some guy named Garage Sale.
The smaller mole could only smell the other ‘ mole’s asses ‘.
Is that you Hal?
Restroom stall polls have Trump 2 to 0.
It Was Election Time And A Politician Decided To Go Out To The Local Reservation.
It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. “I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!”
The crowd went wild, shouting “Hoya! Hoya!” The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. “I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!”
“Hoya! Hoya!” cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
“I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!” The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting “Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!”
After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.
“Sure,” the Chief said, “but be careful not to step in the hoya.”
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