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Jussie Smollett Claims He Can’t Be Tried Because Last Night While Walking Home He Was Murdered
BabylonBee.com ^ | 12-2-2021 | BabylonBee.com

Posted on 12/02/2021 11:34:40 AM PST by servo1969

CHICAGO, IL—In a bombshell statement during his court case today, Jussie Smollett declared he can no longer be tried as he was murdered by racists while walking home last night and is now dead.

"I am now dead, so I can't stand trial," said Smollett, in tears. "While I was walking home last night, a gang of white Republicans surrounded me and said 'Let's go Brandon!' and then they shot me. It was terrifying."

The defense team backed up Smollett's statement. "Our client has clearly been murdered by racists, your honor, as he so eloquently stated today. We request that you drop this case, so that his spirit may rest in piece."

In her own statement, Vice President sent her condolences to Smollett's family. "I was heartbroken to hear of Jussie's untimely death at the hands of Trump voters," she said. "This goes to show what a deeply evil and racist country I am a Vice President of. We must be better, by voting for me in 2024."

Jussie Smollett is survived by his friends, his family, and himself.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: abelosundario; abimbolaosundairo; babylonbee; chicago; donlemon; illinois; jussie; jussiesmollett; olabinjoosundairo; olaosundario; satire; smollett

1 posted on 12/02/2021 11:34:40 AM PST by servo1969
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To: servo1969

It’s easy to see why the libs hate the Bee so much


2 posted on 12/02/2021 11:38:17 AM PST by billyboy15
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To: billyboy15

...And why we love it.


3 posted on 12/02/2021 11:42:23 AM PST by Bullish (This is the most bloated and most inept govt in history.)
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To: billyboy15

KToe needs to be locked up.


4 posted on 12/02/2021 11:43:14 AM PST by Paladin2 (Critical Marx Theory is The SOLUTION....)
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To: servo1969

Insanity plea coming right up...


5 posted on 12/02/2021 11:46:52 AM PST by unixfox (Abolish Slavery, Repeal the 16th Amendment)
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To: servo1969

Or at least he identifies as dead, which is just as good.


6 posted on 12/02/2021 11:56:43 AM PST by Romulus
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To: servo1969
then they shot me. It was terrifying."

And like Alec Baldwin, they didn't pull the trigger, the gun shot him.

7 posted on 12/02/2021 11:57:55 AM PST by 1Old Pro (Let's make crime illegal again!)
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To: servo1969

It’s a better defense than what Jussie’s lawyers are putting on.


8 posted on 12/02/2021 12:01:23 PM PST by o-n-money (Not my president: WRONG Not the president: RIGHT)
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To: servo1969

So he is playing the ‘Braindead’ card, then?


9 posted on 12/02/2021 12:29:51 PM PST by Scrambler Bob (My /s is more true than your /science (or you might mean /seance))
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To: servo1969

He got better.


10 posted on 12/02/2021 12:31:18 PM PST by Overtaxed (Stiff the Fed)
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