Posted on 08/27/2022 9:37:11 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
BOCA RATON, FL — Authorities responded to a level 5 event in Boca Raton Friday after Ben Shapiro casually strolled through a Whole Foods Market, resulting in the death of thousands.
The popular political commentator and founder of The Daily Wire had a "hankering for some peaches" when he stopped by earlier in the day, say survivors who witnessed the horrific event.
"He walked in like it was no big deal — like he wasn't the Jewish face of white supremacy!" wailed Julia Lacrosse, a 23-year-old twin-spirit dragonkin who had been shopping for her cat. "I could feel it in my bones as I was being triggered. Like he was raping me by just being on the other side of the store!"
According to sources, hundreds in the store that day dropped dead as Shapiro walked by them. Others fled the store in a panic but their escape would be only temporary. Whole Foods was only the epicenter of what turned out to be a massacre along a three-mile radius. Chaos spread down the streets of the once peaceful city. Distracted drivers pancaked into each other, driven by a maddened panic that invaded their hearts. Metal tore through flesh and bone, glass shattered, and there arose a great cry throughout all Boca Raton, such as was not like it before, nor shall be like it again.
Whole Foods has since apologized for the incident with a heartfelt tweet in which they stated, "We are very sorry. Ben Shapiro briefly visited our store to buy some food. Though we do not control his actions, we take full responsibility for the thousands of lives lost."
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Classic!!
“… 23-year-old twin-spirit dragonkin who had been shopping for her cat.”
Gotta love the Bee!
“Metal tore through flesh and bone, glass shattered, and there arose a great cry throughout all Boca Raton, such as was not like it before, nor shall be like it again.”
One of the best yet.
OH NOES NOT WHOLE FOODS..how will people buy their no antibiotics beef when it actually turns out there IS antibiotics in them how will we all go on
Ooh, thats going to leave a mark!
Counting down to the Bee’s next time out on the asocial media!
p
Just when I think the Bee can’t get any better.....lol
I’d have to research what twin-spirit dragonkins prefer as a pronoun before I could attempt to speak to one.
Hilarious! Dragonkin!
The Florida Democratic Party has officially complained that “This is yet another blatant example of voter disenfranchisement, to steal the votes of the elderly by killing them, then interfering with their re-registration in time for the election.”
This needs to be made into some type of wall art or framed in some way for Ben’s office, or better yet, his entryway!! Absolutely priceless!
Whole Foods = Whole Paycheck plus the A$$holes of our society posing as clerks to insult the rest of us.
Meal worm and cricket steak doesn’t have antibiotics in it. It probably should though.
Isn't that called telerape?
Well, it’s not RAPE rape.
Gads, the bee 'gets' the MSM's ways of lying.
LOL!
That over the top headline alone is worth a good chuckle.
It would be printed in a huge font with 15 exclamation points!!
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