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Ukraine Unveils New Missile Fueled By Burning U.S. Dollars
Babylon Bee ^ | 9/7/23 | Adam Yenser

Posted on 09/08/2023 8:21:16 PM PDT by EnderWiggin1970

KYIV — In a major breakthrough in the ongoing war with Russia, Ukraine has developed a new weapon powered by one of its most abundant renewable resources — American dollars.

The Kunis II Rocket (named in honor of the famous Ukrainian actress who starred with Danny Masterson on "That 70's Show") burns piles of U.S. currency to propel it toward its target. Green energy advocates are especially pleased with the new missile since the fuel it burns is literally green.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, with two y's, commented on the weapon saying, "Thanks to this powerful new tool we are sure to defeat Putin this year, or next year, or the year after that, or something." A top Ukrainian scientist explained how the system operates, saying, "Not to get too technical, but the money is crammed up the rocket's money hole and ignited with a cigarette. It can then travel up to 40 kilometers per billion dollars." Since no American is sure what a "kilometer" is, the Senate voted to keep sending Ukraine as much money as they need, forever.

Despite the consistent U.S. support, Ukraine has still not received enough money to propel the missile into Russian territory, so have thus far been using it to strategically blow up their own roads, bridges, and pipelines.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; humor; missile; ukraine

1 posted on 09/08/2023 8:21:16 PM PDT by EnderWiggin1970
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To: EnderWiggin1970

LOL The Bee hits a home run!


2 posted on 09/08/2023 8:25:53 PM PDT by TigersEye (Our Republic is under seige by globalist Marxists. Hold fast!)
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To: TigersEye

‼️💣💥


3 posted on 09/08/2023 8:27:29 PM PDT by aMorePerfectUnion (Fraud vitiates everything)
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To: EnderWiggin1970

Putin Poppers rejoice! The Bee finally gets it right!


4 posted on 09/08/2023 8:29:25 PM PDT by Chad C. Mulligan
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To: EnderWiggin1970

Don’t think about the money being spent, think instead about how many lives can be lost.


5 posted on 09/08/2023 8:30:15 PM PDT by Telepathic Intruder
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

That was a very violent post.

I like it! :)


6 posted on 09/08/2023 8:37:48 PM PDT by TigersEye (Our Republic is under seige by globalist Marxists. Hold fast!)
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To: EnderWiggin1970

Un, Kunis has a pocket rocket? I thought that was Danny Masterson’s problem not hers. Did she have an addadictome?


7 posted on 09/08/2023 9:31:12 PM PDT by MIchaelTArchangel
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To: EnderWiggin1970

Well, the writing is somewhat below the usual Bee standard.

But, then again, considering inflation, it may be cheaper to use actual US paper money to fuel the Ukies’ rockets, rather than rocket fuel.


8 posted on 09/09/2023 2:32:12 AM PDT by Paul R. (Bin Laden wanted Obama killed so the incompetent VP, Biden, would become President!)
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To: EnderWiggin1970

But we get to keep the ashes from it as a reminder of something that once was.


9 posted on 09/09/2023 8:06:55 AM PDT by Vaduz (....)
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