8 Handy Tricks Women Can Use To Beat Trans Athletes

The Bee ^ | April26, 2024 | Staff

[Navy Patriot]

It's the dawn of a new era in women's athletics, as they are now open to dudes! While the playing field may seem tilted unfairly, there are some foolproof tactics women can use to make things more even.

The Babylon Bee is here to help female athletes gain an advantage with the following list of useful tricks:

1. Punch them in the Adam's apple: If he can't breathe, he can't physically dominate you.

2. Throw them off their game by saying J.K. Rowling is your favorite author: It may make them angry, but they'll become so unhinged that they'll lose focus.

3. Hold up a copy of a Biology 101 textbook: They'll hiss and recoil in terror, giving you the upper hand.

4. Misquote lines from The Lord of the Rings: No man will be able to resist correcting you.

5. Distract them with a pan of sizzling bacon: It's the Kryptonite of every man.

6. Pull their beard hair: You have no idea how much that hurts.

7. Start playing Tombstone on the Jumbotron: The movie has a naturally hypnotic effect on men.

8. Kick them in the nuts: Game over.

[Navy Patriot]

Timely advice!

[EvilCapitalist]

Number 5 is spot on.

[GreyFriar]

Start with # 8 followed by # 1. game over

[Libloather]

Ra ra ree
Kick him in the knee
Ra ra rass
Kick him in the berries

[nickcarraway]

I doubt trans athletes can beat women at women’s gymnastics. What other sports can women dominate?

[GOPJ]

Punch them in the Adam's apple: If he can't breathe, he can't physically dominate you.

Throw them off their game by saying J.K. Rowling is your favorite author: It may make them angry, but they'll become so unhinged that they'll lose focus.

Say you "self identify" as a peaceful person then knee the guy. While he's rolling around on the ground in pain, remind him YOU self identify as a peaceful person and he's to address you as Mother Teresa...

[Navy Patriot]

You would be wrong Nick, muscle strength is critical in women's gymnastics.

But it would be fun to watch one split the beam.

[maddog55]

#8. Recommend a tampon for their prostate cancer.

[Navy Patriot]

LOL!

[Rummyfan]

A Louisville Slugger?!

[Zathras]

Liquid Heat in their jocks

[Chode]

yeah, like the Tonya Harding 6000...

[KarlInOhio]

I think the bacon is more of the sirens’ song than Kryptonite. I’d run the Argo onto the shore to get a few pieces.

[Pollard]

First thing I thought of was #8, Kick them in the nuts.

What surprises me about all of this is that there’s evidently no young men these days to take care of these freak boys. You would think they would do it for the girls. One dude could have his choice of dating any one of most of the female athletes.

[Mr. K]

#1 should be “kick her in the balls”

[EvilCapitalist]

I sometimes worry about islam really catching on here in the States, but then I realize if the American public realized they would have to give up dogs, and bacon, I think they would soundly reject islam.

[Disambiguator]

As a (mostly) former firearms instructor, I can say that women make good marks, uh, persons. They tend to have better fine motor skills than men, for the most part.

Men also sometimes bring the wrong attitude. They think that watching Rambo movies teaches them “skillz,” and they’re wrong.

[SunkenCiv]

#1 Elect and support people who oppose ******* trans policies, and #2 remove from power all who do.

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[SunkenCiv]

Whoops, editing brain fart -- s/b #1 Elect and support people who oppose ******* trans policies, and #2 remove from power all who try to implement them.

[lepton]

Ah, I thought it would be to use tools.