Bush to Create "Great Gated Community"

Counterjab ^ | 01/16/2004 | Chris Davis

[writer33]

In a bold new plan, rumors surfaced, that Bush is planning to create a “Great Gated Community” across the Mexican and Canadian borders. Through an unnamed email and at CBS, Counterjab learned Bush had resolved to take major strides in immigration reform. Rather than proceed with stricter immigration enforcement, Bush has instead, decided to seal up everything, keeping us safe from terrorists.

“This is utterly ridiculous. There’s no way we could get this proposal past the House of Representatives,” said an unnamed source at the White House. “This is a complete red herring. In fact, this email is highly questionable. We’re going to get to the bottom of this.”

Unfortunately, that isn’t the end of it.

Counterjab has also been informed of the recent release of memos and telephone transcripts, detailing the “Gated Community” plan. Speaking with a former unnamed producer at CBS, we were able to nail Bush to the wall. “We’ve got him on the run,” said the former unnamed producer. “This will cost the taxpayers a fortune. It’s only a matter of time before impeachment proceedings begin.”

The plan calls for a total construction of a great wall, resembling the Great Wall of China. According to the unsubstantiated memos and transcripts, the cost to the project totals a whopping 500 trillion dollars. That would reportedly require the immediate repeal of all tax cuts, with an additional tripling of tax increases to pay for the project. The idea comes in the wake of the failure in Iraq. The wall is said to be constructed of concrete, reinforced with rebar and splashed with brick veneer, giving it that ever so subtle hint of style.

“It’s a masterpiece,” said an unnamed former first lady. “I’d have it constructed at my home. I think the plan is brilliant.”

“If you can’t win the war, then we’ll just hunker down, build a wall and take a trip back to the nineties. After all, we were better off then anyway. With this economy, you’d be a fool not to," said a former unnamed great president, through unsubstantiated phone transcripts.

A statement released shortly afterwards by the White House, says that the plan is “appalling.” “This would require the immediate withdraw of all troops in Iraq to protect the borders during the building phase. We have no intention of doing that. We don’t know where these kinds of things surface. We have learned it came from somewhere in Texas.”

The troubling rumors, memos and phone transcripts suggest that the building phase begins in Arizona. Counterjab dug deeper with the unnamed former producer. “I don’t why they’re starting there instead of California. But quite frankly, you can’t blame them. No one wants to bother with California anymore.” She…I mean the unnamed producer giggled. “Even the Governator can’t save it.”

Counterjab also spoke with an unnamed Canadian Prime Minister. “I think this is a wonderful plan. Why bother with fighting the war on terror? Just build a wall. Of course we’ll have to talk with Bush. I hope this doesn’t affect outsourcing.”

“All indications are that outsourcing will continue. It will just leave America sealed up. Much like a bottle of 1996 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild wine, a most appropriate year,” said the unnamed Canadian Prime Minister.

We are pleased to bring this report to you, using the most informative and accurate information. Even though the email, memos and phone transcripts are unsubstantiated, we are going to regard them as accurate. We will, however, keep an open mind when reporting further on this story. We think it deserves all of our attention in the future.

In the opinion of Counterjab, it’s high time that Bush sobered up and acted responsibly in protecting the American people. After all, we shouldn’t be bothering with immigration reform when a wall will suffice. With the building of this wall, it’s only a matter of time before we have the recall of troops throughout the world.

“We’ll keep on top of that report, or we won’t call ourselves journalists,” said the Managing Editor at Counterjab. “I think this is a wonderful way to reach out to liberals…become non partisan as it were.”

[writer33]

SATIRE ALERT!

[writer33]

Satire Ping!

[writer33]

Satire Ping!

[writer33]

Satire Ping!

[cyborg]

excellent piece

[Theresawithanh]

Aw nutz, can't get to the website linked. I want to see more!

Very funny!

[John Lenin]

Is this suppossed to be funny ?

[Cicero]

Actually not a bad idea, except for the cost.

[Lion in Winter]

Sarcastic AGAINST President Bush... but not funny. :^ {

IMVHO.

[John Lenin]

We don't need a fence with all the high tech we have, we just need more border agents.

[mammer]

Maybe we can get the criminals we catch coming across the border to build it, go to jail or build the wall?

[Mudboy Slim]

"Is this suppossed to be funny ?"

Yep...didn't you git it?!

FReegards...MUD

[perfect stranger]

This is not your best work. The references in it seem dated like you wrote it when some of the subjects were more in the "fore front" of the news and didn't release it until now.

I'd rate it a 6.5-7.0 because I like your previous work.

[Mudboy Slim]

"Sarcastic AGAINST President Bush..."

I disagree...I believe it is sarcastic AGAINST the President's ill-conceived Immigration Policy.

IMVHO...MUD

[John Lenin]

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[Victoria Delsoul]

The plan calls for a total construction of a great wall, resembling the Great Wall of China. According to the unsubstantiated memos and transcripts, the cost to the project totals a whopping 500 trillion dollars. That would reportedly require the immediate repeal of all tax cuts, with an additional tripling of tax increases to pay for the project. The idea comes in the wake of the failure in Iraq. The wall is said to be constructed of concrete, reinforced with rebar and splashed with brick veneer, giving it that ever so subtle hint of style.

LOL!!! Oh man, what a brilliant idea. Who could be against it?

[StarCMC]

“It’s a masterpiece,” said an unnamed former first lady.

ROFL!!!

[b4its2late]

Speaking with a former unnamed producer at CBS

[Texaggie79]

You ruin the fun. You are supposed to post and not comment. Then watch the circus. It's always a blast.

Heck, after I read the article, I was ready to go get some popcorn and sit back and LMAO at the incomming flames.

[Texaggie79]

I'm sending back my tax refund as we speak....