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Posted on 04/10/2003 1:27:32 PM PDT by Feiny
Ben & Jerry's Release New Wartime Flavors
By Corey Pieratt Phrawd
BSNN.net
Headline News
LARDASS, VERMONT – Ben and Jerry, everyone's favorite wartime profiteers, announced today that five new fantastic flavors will make their debut in an all-new socially conscious marketing scheme to kick off the company's Peacenik Pops™ line.
"Consumers will find the bitter taste and political hypocrisy they love and expect from Ben & Jerry's," said Ms. Holly Wood, Director of Peacenik Marketing and Wartime Profiteering. "Our flavor developers have really outdone themselves this time."
The Peacenik Pops™
flavors are:
Ramsberry Clark: Named in honor of Ben and Jerry's favorite Attorney General/Leftist Nutcase, the Ramsberry Clark Pop is a tasteless combination of vanilla ice cream and sourpuss raspberries smothered in Ben & Jerry's own Hershey Highway Fudge Coating.
Saddams'mores: Named in honor of Ben and Jerry's favorite Arab despot, the Saddams'mores Pop takes you back to those Bedouin campfire days with chocolate ice cream whirled with swirls of marshmallow and graham cracker wedges shaped like cluster bomb shrapnel.
Castro Crumble: Named in honor of Ben and Jerry's favorite Latino despot, the Castro Crumble Pop is a delightful blend of Cuban brown sugar and green leaf tobacco covered with a unique streusel made from the bearings of a '56 Chevy.
Creamy Carter Chunk: Named in honor of Ben and Jerry's favorite despot lover, the Creamy Carter Chunk Pop combines sweat cream ice cream with Iranian Saffron and North Korean Chocolate chunks to create a unique flavor that is guaranteed to leave a bad taste in your mouth for years to come.
Meanwhile, in New York City, hundreds of anti-anti-war protesters chanting "Fat, corporate whores blow, Ben and Jerry's has got to go," lined the entrance to the 5th Avenue Ben & Jerry's while dozens lay down in front of the Peacenik Pops™
display in a rare display of planned civil disobedience actions. Anti-anti-war activists outraged by Ben & Jerry's actions called for a day of widespread civil disobedience to protest corporate "profiteering from the fledgling peace movement.''
But Ben and Jerry remain unfazed, hoping to make as much money as possible off the suffering of innocent Iraqis and Coalition forces. To this end, Ben & Jerry's plans to release several other new Peacenik Pops™ before the war is over, including Cherry Marion Barry, Bitter Blair Batter, Michael Moore's Moosedroppings, and the much anticipated Dubya Killed Your Daddy and Burned Down the Rainforest Crunch.
© 2003 www.BSNN.net All Rights Reserved. Reposting to message boards or discussion forums permitted only with this message intact. Any other reposting or use is strictly prohibited.
© Copyright 2002 BSNN.net/Nathan Porter
anyone. 4) If we seem to be disparaging a particular person then we probably are. 5) When in doubt, refer to #1, above.
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FreeRepublic , LLC PO BOX 9771 FRESNO, CA 93794
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It is in the breaking news sidebar! |
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And from the tie in with Monty Python Inc., Anthrax Ripple
What? No peanuts?
Red
LOL...I actually heard about a website on the radio that calls itself the conservative's answer to Ben & Jerrys...
CURRENT FLAVORS:
I Hate the French Vanilla
Iraqi Road
Smaller Governmint
Nutty Environmentalist
MORE FLAVORS THEY HOPE TO INTRODUCE SOON
Cowardly German Chocolate
Irrelevant Belgian Chocolate
Dutch (Reagan) Chocolate
Donald Rum Raisin
US Army Tank Crunch
US Navy Battle-Chip
US Air Force Over-The-Rainbow Sherbet
US Marine Tough Cookies & Cream
School Prayerleens & Crème
Gun Nut
VINTAGE FLAVORS
Clinton Im-Peach
White House Fundraiser Coffee
Peanut Malaise
DISCONTINUED FLAVOR
KerryBerry (ketchup-flavored ice cream) - the public just won't buy it!
It has a section on the comments page where you can suggest new flavors...maybe you should submit yours! They say 10% of the proceeds go to charities that support the Armed Forces.
Disclaimer: I just heard about this on the radio and have no connections whatsoever to this company, I just thought it was funny!
For all those Baghdad Bobs and peacenicks to enjoy after eating there hats.
Shouldn't that read fanatic flavors? LOL!
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