Posted on 01/19/2019 11:33:40 AM PST by Salvation
Second marriages The Church does not gauge the validity of a union by the happiness of the people who have entered it Msgr. Charles Pope 1/9/2019
Question: Jesus says if you divorce your wife and marry another, you commit adultery. But we see many seemingly happy people in their second marriage. What is your perspective on this?
— Paul VanHoudt, Erie, Colorado
Answer: The implied premise of your question is that happiness and joy are determining criteria for what is right and wrong. Such a premise is flawed. Doing what is right does not always bring immediate happiness. Sometimes what is right is challenging and irksome, and we must trust in the ultimate happiness of doing what is right, not simply the passing happiness that may come from doing what is wrong. Jesus summons us to take up our cross and follow him, not our pillow. He further warns, “Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep” (Lk 6:25).
A second problematic premise of your observation is a rather personalized understanding of happiness. People in second marriages may manifest happiness, but it is often not such a happy reality in the eyes of their children or other family members, who may have very mixed feelings, including sorrow. Many children of divorced families carry hurts and scars from the experience. They had to process the tragic reality that Mom and Dad don’t love each other anymore and, apparently, I am not a good enough reason for them to stay together. This may harm their trust in people and their own moral, spiritual and emotional formation. They may have to spend time at different homes and navigate confusing relationships if their parents go on to date and marry others. Even as they become adults, these complexities and ambiguities remain. When the parents put down the cross of working at their marriage, it is usually the children who must pick it up. Thus, when it comes to happiness, more must be considered than the couple.
All that said, noting that some people go on to great fulfillment in second marriages and even come into the Church or grow in holiness, cannot be wholly disregarded. There may be indications that God is offering blessings in what is objectively problematic. For this pastoral reason and others, the Church is willing to look into the questions of prior marriages and see if there are causes for the nullity of that first marriage. A declaration of nullity is a judgment of the Church that some essential aspect of marriage was lacking in the prior marriage and that it was not “what God has joined together.” There is not space here to fully explain nullity. However, it should be added that the mere happiness of spouses in a current marriage is not a consideration in granting annulments for a prior marriage. Only data regarding the prior marriage are considered.
Monsignor Pope column from OSV ping!
We see many seemingly happy people who molest children, rob banks, and defraud investors. What is this guy's perspective on this?
Msgr. Pope is so amazing, he is so clear, so full of light.
He addresses this horrible trend and dilemma of society with rock-solid moral teaching and logic but in a gentle yet firm manner that we can imagine Jesus, Himself would administer.
This one is worth more than bookmarking, it deserves printing out and framing for the wall.
Saved May 24, 1971.
Marriage ended in 1972 with man's Court divorce decree.
A marriage, sad or happy, once consummated, lasts as long as both shall live, ends only when death parts them.
Never committed the sin of remarriage adultery.
The Lord Jesus and The Holy Ghost are my intimate Comforters, forever.
Never alone.
Sorry, but I grew up in a fundamentally flawed marriage/family that suffered horribly for years until my very ethical and religious father finally realized that divorce would be better for us children, rather than trying to keep it together. I was already gone by that time but my (late) younger brother was massively scarred and paid for it his entire life. My father actually contemplated the possibility that she was possessed. It sure as hell seemed like it at the time.
My older brother and I have plenty of scars, but we were able to get away before it ruined our lives. His wife sadly passed away recently after 50 years of marriage. My wife & I will have our 42nd anniversary this June. There has been NO infidelity in either of our marriages.
The abuses inflicted upon us by our mentally ill, alcoholic mother were a crime, not the divorce. Unless you have lived it, you have no right to judge it. NO ONE can ever tell me that ending that nightmare was wrong. I forgave my mother before she died in the hope that she would die in peace, but I can never forget.
The mental illness of my ex wife has damaged to some degree all her children
To this day her demonic behavior causes pain and mayhem for all
It’s a sickness
Makes one understand why Rochester kept Bertha Antionetta locked in the attic
Sadly that was not an option for me although husband number five...I was number two....tried to kill her and was caught in a one in a billion happenstance
Only in the RCC tradition is it a sin for my wife to marry me and considered to live in adultery after she divorced her monster of a first husband who beat her daily, was a drunk and whoremonger...she married him stupidly when she was 19 and in a bad home situation...
Oh...we have been very happily married for 38 years....
Thankfully, she was not raised a RC inspite of her father being one...
I’m not Catholic, but I think they allow remarriage when the first marriage had adultery and physical abuse by the other partner.
I know the damage to us kids, especially my younger brother, haunted my father.
Many years later we asked him why he didn’t get a divorce much sooner. He told us that in the 50s & 60s no judge would award a father custody, regardless of the mother’s actions and he felt he could at least be there to protect us to some degree. He paid a high price for caring for us children.
“Only in the RCC tradition is it a sin for my wife to marry me and considered to live in adultery after she divorced “
Not true. Evangelicals believe that as well. After her first husband dies, then the adultery ends. And it’s not a “tradition”; it’s Biblical.
——I’m not Catholic, but I think they allow remarriage when the first marriage had adultery and physical abuse by the other partner.-——
I think anulllment is the only solution in that situation (after a small fee to the church)
Then you are free to remarry. The RCC does not allow for a civil divorce.
Someone correct me if I am wrong...
-——Not true. Evangelicals believe that as well. After her first husband dies, then the adultery ends. And it’s not a “tradition”; it’s Biblical.-——
Wrong....get back to me when you understand scripture....
And take the wife’s money or vice versa.
God bless you for never remarrying.
The Catholic Church grants annulments in the case of adultery, abuse and abandonment.
The RCC does “allow” civil divorce. What it does not allow is taking another lover when your partner through marriage is alive.
An annulment is a call made by the church (after investigation of the facts) that a marriage was never made in the first place (that is, it lacked complete self gift, or lacked fidelity, or lacked openness to children, or was coerced). Thus the “small fee.”
So if the 19 yo in a “marriage” that’s abusive gets a civil divorce, the RCC doesn’t say that can’t happen. If the 19 yo wants a church wedding/marriage after said civil divorce, she must seek to have her first union declared “never has been.”
Unless you have lived it, you have no right to judge it.
Bullshit. That is a tactic to shut down debate.
“Only in the RCC tradition is it a sin for my wife to marry me and considered to live in adultery after she divorced her monster of a first husband who beat her daily, was a drunk and whoremonger...she married him stupidly when she was 19 and in a bad home situation...”
Glad you found each other.
Catholics would have gotten a marriage termination - annulment - in this situation.
Since you were not Catholic, it is a non-issue. Christ allowed divorce for adultery.
Go and be blessed.
Did your younger brother or you and your older brother ever seek out Al-Anon or any of the connected programs?
It sounds as though that was not a choice for you diseased mother.
In my case, as my husband downed a 6 pack of beer every night, I took the advantage of attending Al-Anon and took my kids to Ala-teen.
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