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Humor (General/Chat)

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  • (Bleep, bleep) Russkies hacked Instagram & Facebook? Lindsay Lohan is furious ... in Russian!

    03/14/2019 11:28:22 AM PDT · by dynachrome · 17 replies
    Russia Today ^ | 3-14-19 | RT
    Lindsay Lohan is sure the big bad Russians hacked Facebook and Instagram, which were both down for a while beginning Wednesday. So what’s the best way to battle them? Curse in their native language, of course, under a tweet by RT. “Not when russia hacks you. it is not funny kids. this is the real world (sic.),” the ‘Mean Girls’ actress wrote in a comment to a lighthearted gif posted by RT on Twitter during the worst outage Facebook has suffered in a decade. Lohan followed up her bizarre tirade by commenting on another RT tweet on the social media...
  • Exasperated Olive Garden Waitress Asks Bernie Sanders If He's Gonna Free Breadsticks (Sat)

    03/13/2019 5:37:41 PM PDT · by Gamecock · 38 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 3/12/2019
    Full Title: Exasperated Olive Garden Waitress Asks Bernie Sanders If He's Just Gonna Sit There Eating Free Breadsticks All Night HYATTSVILLE, MD—An exasperated waitress at a local Olive Garden restaurant was forced to ask Senator Bernie Sanders if he was just gonna sit there all night eating free breadsticks or if he was going to order something, sources confirmed Monday. evening. Sanders walked in and the waitress asked if she could bring him a basket of breadsticks while he thought about what he wanted to order. Sanders' eyes went wild. "Free bread? Oh, I think I would like that very...
  • Boyhood, the bridge and the beach: Chris Christie's new book offers many New Jersey details

    03/13/2019 2:03:36 PM PDT · by Coleus · 12 replies
    the record ^ | 01.30.19 | Dustin Racioppi
    Boyhood, the bridge and the beach: Chris Christie's new book offers many New Jersey details
  • Woolly mammoth cells brought back to life in shocking scientific achievement

    03/12/2019 2:02:38 PM PDT · by ETL · 51 replies
    FoxNews.com/Science ^ | Mar 12, 2019 | Chris Ciaccia | Fox News
    Cells from a woolly mammoth that died 28,000 years ago have begun to show "signs of biological [activity]" after they were implanted in mouse cells. However, researchers caution that it's unlikely the extinct creatures will walk the Earth again anytime soon. The research, published in Scientific Reports, details how a well-preserved woolly mammoth, found in 2011 in the Siberian permafrost, has begun to show some activity. "Until now many studies have focused on analyzing fossil DNA and not whether they still function," Miyamoto added. The study's abstract reveals "[i]n the reconstructed oocytes, the mammoth nuclei showed the spindle assembly, histone...
  • Das Feuerzeug (Wow! enormous eyes!)

    03/13/2019 4:40:42 AM PDT · by vannrox · 12 replies
    50cents ^ | April 2012 | Editorial staff
    llustrations by Heinrich Strub for Das Feuerzeug (The Tinderbox / Fyrtøiet) by H. C. Andersen (Switzerland, 1956) Michael at Stopping Off Place kindly donated these scans, and then the actual (eye-popping) book. If you are wondering what it could possibly be about, read the plot on wikipedia. Illustrator bio by Atlantis-Verlag ["Heinrich" is a pseudonym]:Heiri Strub was born in 1916 and trained as a typesetter, then becoming a graphic designer and a painter. From 1945, he was working as a freelance artist. He illustrated books for young adults, and modern fiction. His colourful picture books, allowing a fresh view of...
  • ‘It Was Pretty Scary’: Hordes Of Vultures Taking Over South Jersey Town

    03/11/2019 5:43:44 PM PDT · by RedMonqey · 78 replies
    Philadelphia CBS ^ | March 8, 2019 | Cleve Bryan
    Menacing-looking vultures are taking over a town in South Jersey and residents want them to buzz off. Hordes of vultures have been hanging around in Mount Holly. Residents want them gone but not everybody feels that way as environmentalists say the vultures are an important part of the ecosystem.
  • Yankee or Dixie Quiz

    To find out how much Southern blood your speech shows, simply choose the words you use below, then press "Compute My Score!" at the end. alphaDictionary will compute your score and tell you where you're coming from: are y'all speaking Bubbaese or are youse guys Yankee Doodle Dandies? The higher your score, the deeper from the South you are coming.
  • Exclusive! Buddy Hackett Estate Sues Jerry Nadler Over Bastard Son Claims! (Satire)

    03/10/2019 4:32:33 PM PDT · by rexthecat · 15 replies
    VERY ERSATZ NEWS ^ | March 10, 2019 | Editorial Board
    Disgraced Congressman and Carvel Ice-Cream Cake mogul Jerry Nadler is being sued in the Civil Court of the City of New York for $25,000,000.00 by the family of deceased funny man Buddy Hackett, after Mr Nadler repeatably violated a cease and desist order preventing him from claiming — as he did recently on the Today Show — that he is the late comedian’s love child, and was conceived during an alleged drunken tryst in the lobby of the Sir Francis Drake hotel in San Fransisco in 1962 while Mr Hackett and then housewife Phyllis Diller were celebrating the opening of...
  • Iowa has zero interest in de Blasio as presidential candidate: poll

    03/10/2019 1:15:28 PM PDT · by DUMBGRUNT · 21 replies
    New York Post ^ | 10 mar 2019 | Laura Italiano VIEW AUTHOR ARCHIVE EMAIL THE AUTHOR FOLLOW ON TWITTER GET AUTHOR RSS FEED March 10,
    The poll showed de Blasio tied for last place in popularity with Eric Swalwell, Marianne Williamson and Andrew Yang.
  • Mayor of Bologna says he's sick of tourists ordering spaghetti bolognaise

    03/10/2019 12:23:11 PM PDT · by dennisw · 117 replies
    UK DAILY MAIL ^ | 10 March 2019 | Leigh Mcmanus
    Mayor of Bologna says he's sick of tourists ordering spaghetti bolognaise in his city because the pasta dish 'doesn't actually exist' Virginio Merola wants his northern Italian city to wash its hands of the dish He said it 'doesn't exist' and went as far as to call the pasta dish 'fake news' The 64-year-old democrat is leading his vehment campaign on social media The mayor of Bologna is on a passionate crusade against spaghetti bolognese, condemning it as 'fake news'. Despite it being famous the world over, Virginio Merola wants his northern Italian city to wash its hands of the...
  • The Arabian Prophet goes Live at 2:30 est.

    03/10/2019 11:23:21 AM PDT · by Zeneta · 30 replies
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08fFnsl1Rqg | 03/10/19 | Me
    The Arabian Prophet, AKA, Christian Prince is a Christian and native Arab language destroyer of ISLAM. He goes live on Youtube virtually every day on a number of channels. This is the upcoming live Topic. Why this verse Made Muslims so angry? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08fFnsl1Rqg Typically gets 1000+ live viewers. His live streams can run from 1 to 8 hours long as he takes calls from Muslims from all over the world. He only uses the Koran, Hadiths and Muslim Scholars to destroy ISLAM and Mohammad and expose this Satanic Cult. I've been following him for a few months and it's hilarious....
  • Really Bad African Paratroops Demonstrate Every Jump Ramp Error in One Jump

    03/09/2019 1:29:21 PM PST · by ameribbean expat · 39 replies
    This video appeared on social media early this week from the Flintlock 2019 military exercise in the Sahel region of Africa. Whoever the unit is in the video- and no one is giving them credit (or blame…), they demonstrate about every aircraft exit mistake a static line parachutist can make short of actually forgetting to hook up their static line. The video has disappeared from social media, but we managed to make a video of the video before it disappeared. ***** Jumper nine defies description. He apparently deduces that using his butt as a kind of braking device upon exit...
  • Prank Call To Navy Recruiter

    Roy D. Mercer prank phone call to a Navy Recruiter. Roy D. Mercer is a fictional character created by disc jockeys Brent Douglas and Phil Stone on radio station KMOD-FM in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Brent Douglas, who performs Mercer's voice, uses the character as a vehicle for comedy sketches in which he performs prank calls.
  • Survey: 100% Of People Participating In Women's March Were Not Aborted Satire

    03/09/2019 5:55:11 AM PST · by gattaca · 11 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | January 21, 2017 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a survey conducted in the nation’s capital Saturday, a full 100% of the people marching on the nation’s capital for abortion rights as part of the Women’s March were found to have not been aborted by their mothers when they were yet to be born. The controversial study indicates that there may be a connection between participating in any kind of protest, and having a mother willing to carry you to term beforehand. “There seems to be a very strong correlation between your biological mother choosing not to end your life in the womb, and your chances of...
  • Need a Smile?

    03/08/2019 2:24:15 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 23 replies
    email | 3/8/2019 | unknown
    A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado. When we...
  • Opinion Rhapsody (YouTube Video)

    03/08/2019 8:40:24 AM PST · by savedbygrace · 8 replies
    YouTube ^ | Nov 6, 2018 | Dustin & Genevieve
    This is hilarious. You have to sit through a couple of ads first, but it's worth it. It makes fun of online arguing and debating. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IABRgZH12YA&feature=youtu.be
  • Friday Fun

    03/08/2019 4:22:39 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 10 replies
    email | 3/8/2019 | unknown
    A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle....
  • SATIRE Calvinist Church Hosts Bingo Night, Just Selects Winners Ahead Of Time

    03/07/2019 2:40:21 PM PST · by OddLane · 10 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 3/7/19 | Babylon Bee
    Sovereign Grace First Reformed Church hosts a bingo night every few months to reach out to the surrounding community of seniors and provide a fun night for its own elderly church members. But it's not a typical bingo night. Instead of picking winners at random, the pastor simply elects a chosen few to win the night beforehand and informs the winners upfront. "Rather than going through the motions of so-called 'random selection' of bingo numbers, we will simply inform you when you arrive whether or not you were chosen to win," Pastor John McDavies said...
  • IRS Still Waiting For Liberals To Voluntarily Mail Their Refund Checks Back

    03/07/2019 10:52:40 AM PST · by gattaca · 8 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | March 7, 2019 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the nation’s tax refund checks begin making their way back to Americans, sources at the Internal Revenue Service confirmed Wednesday that IRS agents are still waiting for liberals who complain about any kind of tax cut to voluntarily mail their checks back to the federal government. After gauging progressives’ disdain for paying lower taxes under the new GOP plan, the federal agency had assumed any refunds of over-payments to the federal government would be sent back to them at once by the country’s left-leaning taxpayers. “Any second now,” one office assistant said as she checked the mail yet...
  • These hilarious church signs in N.J. will have you praying for more

    03/07/2019 10:37:43 AM PST · by Coleus · 14 replies
    The Star Ledger of Newark ^ | 01.28.19 | Tim Hawk
    praying for more By Tim Hawk | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com and Lori M. Nichols | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com | Posted January 27, 2019 at 07:00 AM | Updated January 28, 2019 at 10:22 AM 0 shares 19 Comments Mullica Hill Baptist Church, Mullica Hill. (Tim Hawk | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com) I was looking for a sign from God. Not a literal sign from the Almighty, though if He happened to enlighten me with something I wouldn't mind. No, I was looking for an actual sign -- in front of a church. Most church signs...