Posted on 04/12/2002 6:13:53 AM PDT by Tumbleweed_Connection
It takes a lot of patience to raise a kid without spanking, but I believe that the results are worth the extra effort.
WRONG, Dr. Alexander---your premise of "I think" is WRONG--you did not think! You daydreamed up some bilgewater liberal idea and regurgitated it to write a book.
...""Parents are spending less and less time with the children and often have turned to drugging the children to control their behavior," Alexander said"....
Well, DUH, Dr. Alexander--this idea certainly wasn't initiated nor enforced by parents at large--another liberal concept from head shrinkers such as yourself.
..."They don't provide the time, affection and love the children need. There is a basic need for that -- a concerned, close, affectionate, trusting relationship with parents. And you can't do that by hurting, by control, by rules, regulations and threats," he said"....
There are many parents who do not provide for their childrens' emotional needs--could a part of the problem be with fedgov's assertion of nannystate do all/be all/end all have anything to do with this crisis? Fedgov's nannystate where two parents aren't important to the health and well-being of children?
And finally, Dr. Alexander, you are simply full of shit if you think that 'hurting, control, rules, and regulations, and threats' aren't an important factor in child rearing......take your 'if it feels good, just do it attitude' and shove it--YOU ARE A BIG PART OF THE PROBLEM!
If she is genuinely strong-willed, good luck. You are still at the beginning of this particular road. Watch out for tight curves ahead.
Some of us have guided children all the way through the road to adulthood. Many of us also said, "I will never have to spank this child," and discovered otherwise. Others have said, "I will never spank this strong-willed child; there are better ways," and now regret the vow.
But you may beat the odds. Good luck.
We've probably all had the pleasure (not) of watching a timid, afraid to discipline parent trying to reason with their out-of-control, screaming brat-child in a store or restaraunt. As soon as I hear them speaking in that sing-songy "now sweetie, you don't want mommy (or daddy) to feel sad" type voice, my brain screams !! Of course the kid wants mommy or daddy to be sad, they want mommy to be sad enough to give in and buy them the toy or candy or whatever it is they want NOW !
Discipline and punishment should not be used interchangeably. Punishment inflicts pain - discipline builds character.
Both have a place in raising children. Punishment "imposes a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation". Whether that comes from a swat on the fanny, a "time out", or loss of privilege, it comes as a result of willful disobedience.
Every child is different. My daughter would utterly wilt when confronted with her disobedience. She only needed spanking 2 or 3 times.
My son was not as easy. He suffered a few more spankings.
Discipline is "training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character". My children were disciplined on an ongoing basis, and are now 2 of the finest people I know. At 18 and 21, I only wish I had been half the person they are now.
"I'll give you something to cry about".
That usually shut me up double time, but if not, I got more than a spanking.
And thets nootttttthing wong wiv me!
"San Francisco-based clinical psychologist Dr. Theron Alexander explains his theory of "connectedness" in the new book."
Yes, the men are always "connecting" with the boys in San Francisco.
Of course there is a lack of trust and confidence! Trust is earned by obedience. How can you trust a child or be confident that a child will do the right thing if you have not trained them to do so? You can't. Children come into this world with pure self interest and nothing else (If you doubt that man has a sin nature, observe two-year olds!)They have to be trained. And training sometimes requires correction. Willful defiance requires strong correction.
Unfortunately, most libs want to treat children like they're little adults. "If I can just explain it to my 3-year old, then they'll understand and do the right thing." Balderdash and popycock! I have seen some friends try to do just that and watch them then negotiate with the child before giving in and allowing the child to do what he wanted. They are training their child allright, but training him in defiance and rebellion.
With adults, action follows belief, so explaining to an adult may work. With small children, belief follows action, so you have to train their external actions to formulate their internal beliefs so that when they mature, you can then reason with them.
Training does require consistency on the part of the parents, however. Many parents only spank when they have had enough. Depending on the state of mind of the parent, the boundary moves, confusing the child. Children who have fluid boudaries are insecure and always testing those boundaries, because their world is also constantly changing. Children who have firm boundaries are secure in those boundaries and will only test them once in a while to make sure that they are still there and that their world has not changed.
Bill (father of 3).
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