Posted on 05/06/2002 7:14:12 PM PDT by cd jones
BUSH TO DUMP CHENEY, RUN WITH OZZY OSBOURNE IN '04
'No [Bleeping] Way!' Says Outraged Veep
G.O.P. strategists are urging President Bush to dump Vice-President Dick
Cheney from the 2004 Republican ticket and run with Ozzy Osbourne instead,
citing the addled rock star's superior poll numbers.
A new survey of likely voters shows that Mr. Osbourne is now the most
popular public figure in America, trouncing his nearest rival, Spider-man,
a fictitious comic-book character.
The poll results suggest that Americans have little or no concern about
Mr. Osbourne's fitness for the second-highest office in the land, despite
his apparent inability to operate a TV remote or replace a garbage can
liner.
But aides to Mr. Cheney say that the Vice-President is not about to be
replaced by the shuffling, dazed-looking rocker without a fight.
Mr. Cheney sprang into action on Monday, inviting MTV cameras into his
secure undisclosed location to film a new documentary-style series about
him and his family, "The Cheneys."
The footage shows the Cheney children exchanging volleys of raw expletives
with the Vice-President's wife Lynne V. Cheney, a Senior Fellow at the
American Enterprise Institute.
"We can [bleeping] drill for [bleeping] oil in Alaska if we [bleeping]
feel like it!" Mrs. Cheney can be heard saying at one point.
But the biggest surprise for viewers may be Dick Cheney himself, who
appears throughout the program in a sleeveless black vest, his biceps
tattooed with the corporate logo of the Halliburton Company, the petroleum
concern he used to head.
"I never thought I'd say this, but Dick Cheney is actually in better shape
than Ozzy," one aide said.
**** BOROWITZ ON CNN ****
Watch Andy Borowitz Tuesday morning on CNN's "American Morning" with Paula
Zahn.
Non-starter...Not %*#%ing native born.
Cheney retires from the ticket in 2004, Rice gets VP nod. In 2008, The Nuge gets tapped for the Veep slot, and the Rice/Nugent ticket sweeps all 50 states.
Or maybe if Cheney could go down to the Alamo and urinate on it, he may possibly have a chance.....
You made me choke on my water from laughing so hard.
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