Bush to dump Cheney, run with Ozzy in '04

www.borowitz.com ^ | 5-6-02 | andy borowitz

[PennsylvaniaMom]

President has to be native born American. Can't we find an American born Prince of Darkness?

Paging Alice Cooper.

Actually Alice (Vincent Fournier) would probably have to get out of shape to rival the Oz. AC golfs (so much for pasty whiteness and out of shape biceps)...but he is about the right age, and probably sports several tatoos under his LaCoste golf shirts.

[jackliberty]

Great post. I'm still laughing.

[Revolting cat!]

What if he's serious? I'm serious. Look, here's how the calculation went. They counted the sales of the stupid Black Sabbath band and compare them to the voting participation of the brainy buyers of those awful albums: result megamillions to zero! What have they got to lose? Black Sabbath fans will turn out in droves to vote, the Republicans will have no choice and the Gorons will vote for Hitlery one way or another. Bottom line is the net gain of the Black Sabbath album buyers all of whom are now voting age (and beyond, to be sure.)

[RamsNo1]

Yeh, and the next thing would be for the WH to show Ozzy looking through the peep hole into the Oval Office. Of course Ozzy would probably be looking for the Clinton stain on the carpet.

[CounterCounterCulture]

BUSH INAUGURATION 2004?

[Cagey]

Thanks for the {bleeping} ping to one of the funniest {bleeping} threads I've seen in a while.

Excuse me, I have to go kill the {bleeping} dog.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Hey, while you're at it, go get a bleepin Halliburton tatoo, ok?.......I almost bleepin wet my pants when I bleepin read that...........bleepin LOL........

[maxwell]

Bwahaha... DAMN I wish I had cable... Wasn't there some episode where Mrs Ozzy throws a ham in the neighbor's yard or something... And one of the dogs got lost so they put up a $100 reward or something...

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Yes - the "ham toss" was pretty funny.......I can't believe the neighbor didn't sue them! lol

The entire show is a riot......there is a radio station here in Philly, that does a contest once a week - they play some garbled line that Ozzy said during that week's show, and people call in and attempt to guess what he said!

It is the funniest thing you have ever heard.......and usually the DJ will admit that if he didn't have the transcript in front of him, he would have no clue either!

[maxwell]

Okay that's it, I'm gettin' cable. That, and Fox News, and Six Feet Under, and Skin-emax-- I am all about it.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

I can't believe you don't have cable! Uh, there's this "new thing" called a microwave.....you might want to check into one of those too........!

[TADSLOS]

I don't think America's ready to watch Ozzie's dysfunctional family operate from the Vice President's quarters at Fort McNair. Can you imagine those pets roaming around the place messing it up or Ozzie throwing a ham into the yard of the Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff for partying too loud? I think not. Hollyweird is the perfect spot for Ozzie.

[MotleyGirl70]

See #25

[maxwell]

I can't believe you don't have cable!

Harhar... $30/mo? That's a carton of smokes right there, chickie... D'ya know how much physics graduate students make these days?! After boozin' and smokin' and rent, there ain't much left.

I'll be out in a year though, and look out, I got my lil' shopping list made out for when I get me some cushy job at Lockheed or NASA or somethin'-- extended cab pickup (Ford or Dodge), Harley (standard 883), lots o' leather so I look real bad-ass on the Harley... And cable.

Microwave? That's low energy electromagnetic radiation, right?

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Microwave? That's low energy electromagnetic radiation, right?

Uh, it's a box thingy with a door and I push buttons.......stuff gets hot.........(does that sound blonde enough? lol)

[Argh]

stuff gets hot

Hmmmm, I've had some girlfriends I could have used one of those thingies on...

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

You mean you read this article and all you could comment on was a microwave? lol

[Senator Goldwater]

I thought the piece was great satire. And I love both Ozzy and the current Vice President.

[Billy_bob_bob]

How about Alice Cooper? Another plus, he is actually pretty conservative and he supposedly plays a good round of golf.

[Billy_bob_bob]

Aw heck. You beat me. I should have read the rest of the thread.