Posted on 05/06/2002 7:14:12 PM PDT by cd jones
BUSH TO DUMP CHENEY, RUN WITH OZZY OSBOURNE IN '04
'No [Bleeping] Way!' Says Outraged Veep
G.O.P. strategists are urging President Bush to dump Vice-President Dick
Cheney from the 2004 Republican ticket and run with Ozzy Osbourne instead,
citing the addled rock star's superior poll numbers.
A new survey of likely voters shows that Mr. Osbourne is now the most
popular public figure in America, trouncing his nearest rival, Spider-man,
a fictitious comic-book character.
The poll results suggest that Americans have little or no concern about
Mr. Osbourne's fitness for the second-highest office in the land, despite
his apparent inability to operate a TV remote or replace a garbage can
liner.
But aides to Mr. Cheney say that the Vice-President is not about to be
replaced by the shuffling, dazed-looking rocker without a fight.
Mr. Cheney sprang into action on Monday, inviting MTV cameras into his
secure undisclosed location to film a new documentary-style series about
him and his family, "The Cheneys."
The footage shows the Cheney children exchanging volleys of raw expletives
with the Vice-President's wife Lynne V. Cheney, a Senior Fellow at the
American Enterprise Institute.
"We can [bleeping] drill for [bleeping] oil in Alaska if we [bleeping]
feel like it!" Mrs. Cheney can be heard saying at one point.
But the biggest surprise for viewers may be Dick Cheney himself, who
appears throughout the program in a sleeveless black vest, his biceps
tattooed with the corporate logo of the Halliburton Company, the petroleum
concern he used to head.
"I never thought I'd say this, but Dick Cheney is actually in better shape
than Ozzy," one aide said.
**** BOROWITZ ON CNN ****
Watch Andy Borowitz Tuesday morning on CNN's "American Morning" with Paula
Zahn.
Or not.
G.O.P. strategists are urging President Bush to dump Vice-President Dick Cheney from the 2004 Republican ticket and run with Ozzy Osbourne instead, citing the addled rock stars superior poll numbers.
A new survey of likely voters shows that Mr. Osbourne is now the most popular public figure in America, trouncing his nearest rival, Spider-man, a fictitious comic-book character.
The poll results suggest that Americans have little or no concern about Mr. Osbournes fitness for the second-highest office in the land, despite his apparent inability to operate a TV remote or replace a garbage can liner.
But aides to Mr. Cheney say that the Vice-President is not about to be replaced by the shuffling, dazed-looking rocker without a fight.
Mr. Cheney sprang into action on Monday, inviting MTV cameras into his secure undisclosed location to film a new documentary-style series about him and his family, The Cheneys.
The footage shows the Cheney children exchanging volleys of raw expletives with the Vice-Presidents wife Lynne V. Cheney, a Senior Fellow at the American Enterprise Institute.
We can [bleeping] drill for [bleeping] oil in Alaska if we [bleeping] feel like it! Mrs. Cheney can be heard saying at one point.
But the biggest surprise for viewers may be Dick Cheney himself, who appears throughout the program in a sleeveless black vest, his biceps tattooed with the corporate logo of the Halliburton Company, the petroleum concern he used to head.
I never thought Id say this, but Dick Cheney is actually in better shape than Ozzy, one aide said.
**** BOROWITZ ON CNN ****
This idea's so risky, I feel like biting the head off something.
President has to be native born American. Can't we find an American born Prince of Darkness?
Hiya girl!
How are you?
This sort of fits the story....
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