DUmmie FUnnies 06-09-05 ("How is Andy doing?")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | June 9, 2005 | Andy Stephenson, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

The first thing I did when I saw this DUmmie THREAD titled, “How is Andy doing?” at 6:50 AM this morning was enter “cancer” into the FIND function and guess what? NO mention of cancer at all on the entire page. You know if Scamdy had pancreatic CANCER it would have been mentioned at least ONCE (although they might toss that word in the thread AFTER reading this edition of the DUFUs). Therefore, if Scamdy did NOT have cancer what was the reason he went to Johns Hopkins in the first place? He could have had regular pancreatic surgery done in his home state of Washington without any need to shill for $50,000+. I put the PLUS sign in there because since Skinner had absolutely NO ACCOUNTING of the Scamdy money taken in, that figure could be well in excess of $50,000. Since Scamdy had his appeal going on OVER a hundred other Leftist websites, it is a good chance that he pocketed a SIZABLE chunk of change over and above what it cost him for mere (non-cancerous) pancreatic surgery. One interesting thing about this thread is not ONE word from Sknner or Pied Piper Pitt since they are both hoping that Scamdy just go away. Somehow Scamdy seems to have a bizarre hold over both of them. So let us now enter this Dummieland thread where all thought of Scamdy’s supposed cancer is tossed down the Memory Pitt in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who thinks Scamdy is just $10 away from mentioning “cancer,” is in the [brackets]:

How is Andy doing?

[Wonderfully. Scamdy is recuperating quickly from ROUTINE non-cancerous pancreatic surgery. Thanks to all the money he raked in over and above what was needed for the unnecessary Johns Hopkins operation, Scamdy has more than enough to enjoy a great recuperation period in the Caribbean.]

I assume we are allowed to ask that again. How is he feeling?

[Be careful how you ask that. If you ask why he went to Johns Hopkins unnecessarily because he did NOT have pancreatic cancer, you will probably be tombstoned.]

Well lets see...The incision is still tender...but my appetite is coming back and I am regaining more of my strength every day. I got back home late last night and it was awesome to sleep in my own bed again. Thanks for asking and for the concern! It has meant so much to me what DU has done for me. You all rock. I still have another pahse of treatment but the doctor is confident I will make a full recovery. Mentally I am in that space and truly, I am feeling better everyday.

[Recuperation from NON-CANCEROUS pancreatic surgery is fairly rapid, Scamdy. BTW, why no thank you to all the suckers you conned for a Johns Hopkins pancreatic cancer operation that you did NOT need?]

Hey, man, you oughta be in bed asleep, regaining your strength. It's great to hear from you, and I'm thrilled you're posting. Keep up with vitamins and good fruits and veggies, and drink only distilled water. I am so serious about this. We all love ya, dear. Keep posting, you make us all feel so good inside.

[Make us feel so good inside and let us believe that you really did need that money we wasted on you to go to Johns Hopkins for a pancreatic cancer operation that you did NOT need.]

I have slept alot over the last 2 weeks. today I felt the best I have since surgery. Like I say my strength is coming back more and more each day.

[You’ve certainly slept a lot better than Pied Piper Pitt, Scamdy. He is so worried sick about how you used him to put over an enormous con for a pancreatic cancer operation that you did NOT need, that he hasn’t slept since April.]

This is wonderful news! I'm glad to hear that you're up and about!

[Yes, this is wonderful news. Thank God Scamdy never had pancreatic cancer in the first place. If he did, he would probably still be flat on his back instead of being his chipper self and singing Broadway show tunes over the cell phone from his ICU.]

HI, Andy! Glad to hear you're back home and getting better! Appetite is a good sign...

[Scamdy can now afford to go to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse on an almost daily basis thanx to all that money you folks sent him for an unnecessary Johns Hopkins pancreatic cancer operation which did NOT take place.]

Yes it is...although I have found my tastes have changed...for example. I used to love tomatoes...now they taste like straw and celery is peach sweet to me. Apparently that is one of the side effects of pancreatic surgery...changed taste buds.

[I bet Roast DUmmie suckerling tastes mighty sweet to you, Scamdy.]

pineapple and papaya are the best for you and not cooked, either. you gotta keep your weight up, my dear.

[Actually, Scamdy could stand to LOSE a few pounds since he is about to enter the Guinness Book of Records as the FATTEST “pancreatic cancer” patient in history.]

Somebody used to tell me that carrot juice was really really good for you. Good to hear you're doing well, Andy! Keep it up!

[Scamdy prefers Yellow-bellied Sapsucker.]

I am eating like a madman the last couple of days in fact I ate dinner and I am hungry again.

[Yeah, all that “chemotherapy” is giving you quite an appetite, Scamdy.]

for example tonight I had real turkey breast sliced on a tortilla with roasted red peppers lettuce and dijon mustard. It was yummmmmmy. For breakfast I had 9 grain bread with grits and 2 eggs.

[Don’t hold back. Pig out at your local buffet, Scamdy. After all it is well known that pancreatic cancer patients develop quite an appetite.]

Well Joan Krawitz is honorable and I think Ms Harris' troubles are just beginning. But I am not going to focus on her. My job right now is to get well...that is where my focus must and will be.

[Methinks YOUR troubles are just beginning, Scamdy. I am sure there will be an investigation into YOUR fraud. Your job right now is to use those enormous funds you scammed to hire a good defense attorney.]

Is it very nice to hear the good news! And I am glad it all worked out in terms of getting great treatment. You gave of yourself and that inspired others to take care of your best interest.

[The ease with which Scamdy conned the DUmmies out of $50,000 for pancreatic cancer operation at Johns Hopkins which NEVER took place will certainly inspire other con artists to enter DUmmieland.]

Hint from a recent surgery patient: Get a neosporin scar patch at the pharmacy. I had a hysterectomy last year and my scar is 100% gone! This is an amazing product.

[Don’t give Scamdy any ideas. He might end up hitting on the DUmmies for another $50,000 for a hysterectomy operation.]

Hey I have ICU and scar pics... I just don't want them posted on that website. you know the one I mean.

[DUmmie FUnnies or Scamdy.Com?]

Wow, Andy, it is TOO good to hear from you....And sounding so chipper, too!! Glad you are coming out of this. I knew you'd beat this thing.

[Careful…careful. It is okay to use the vague term “thing” but DON’T use the word “cancer” or it could mean your tombstoning.]

Andy, this is wonderful to hear! Nothing like being back at home too. Lots of rest now, heal up, and yep, be in the place where you'll be after the next phase of treatment.

[Scamdy’s next phase of treatment will be sun & sea therapy in the Caribbean.]

I have a couple of rounds of chemo and radiation to go through...but the doctor said I should be fine.

[Please send money for unnecessary chemo and radiation that needs to follow the non-existent pancreatic cancer operation.]

Good to see you back!! Now, close your eyes and visualize. a complete recovery and perfect health! I'm serious, it works

[It sure does. Obvious scams ALWAYS work in Dummieland.]

I have been doing that. I am using a screen nightly to screen all the bad stuff from my body. I know visualizations work...

[Scamdy is now in the process of visualizing another reality of a Dummieland scam.]

OK good night everyone...I am going to lay down and rest.

[Meanwhile, one the other side of the continent from Scamdy, Pied Piper Pitt is lying awake worrying about his defense plea when he is charged with aiding and abetting Scamdy.]

[Charles Henrickson]

This is OT

Sorry, I'm an NT major.

[CAluvdubya]

I'll go listen to his "brave" radio interview again. I thought he said he had his small intestines out but maybe he said just a part of it out.

[imskylark]

"I'd like to see a transcript of where he states that he had his 'small intestine out', as he would now be a complete living miracle"

Maybe he meant just a part of it was removed.

[CAluvdubya]

I went back and listened to him again. He said "and part of my small intestines.

I misspoke when I said all.

[Charles Henrickson]

I just think there is too much medical fodder out there to get him elected. Fence sitters and swing voters wouldn't go that direction when the DumBocrats start the 'dead man walking' wail.

Hey, after seeing how well Andy "god_bush_n_cheney" Stephenson has been able to function with such a life-threatening illness coursing through his veins, I don't think they'd be able to say anything about Cheney.

[CaliGirl-R]

Here's a little Will for ya.

http://spidel.net/PHP-Nuke/

Scroll down to the middle of the page. You too can watch Will Pitts make a speech.

[SoothingDave]

ummm. How many times and on what documents have I seen "John Hopkins'?

I wouldn't read much into what is a common error.

SD

[Amityschild]

The BEST novel ever written involving scuba diving is definitely Go To The Widowmaker

I must remember this! I dove for a time off Catalina and Laguna Beach, need re-cert myself. What a great sport!

Amity

[Charles Henrickson]

You too can watch Will Pitts make a speech.

Maybe I'll save that for when I can't sleep.

Which reminds me, I have on my shelf several volumes by or about William Rivers Pitt, including: "The Pitt and the Ponderous," "Useful Pundidiot," "Pitt, Stop!" and "Asleep at the Will."

[imskylark]

I did find out some information about partial intestine removal. It is from a site about Colon cancer, but info should be the same or similar.

"The amount of time that people are hospitalized after colon surgery varies. Most people stay in the hospital several days after surgery.

During this time:

The intestines are inactive for several days.

No food is given by mouth for four to five days.

Intravenous infusions provide fluids to prevent dehydration or excessive fluid loss.

Pain medication is delivered through an intravenous line or by pump that patients control themselves, providing relief from post-operative discomfort.

Once the intestines resume their normal function liquid food is given for the first few days. "

[CaliGirl-R]

I was asking for a transcript last night for the same reason. LOL

[WinOne4TheGipper]

You're welcome.

[CAluvdubya]

Great minds think alike! This is what I found at the USC surgery site for pancreatic surgery.No way did Andy eat those fajitas without severe digestive problems!

The pancreas plays an important role in the digestion of food and in regulation of blood sugar. Loss of pancreatic tissue after surgical removal increases the risks for the development of diabetes mellitus and mal-absorption of food. Preservation of pancreatic tissue is an important goal during surgery for pancreatic and biliary diseases to reduce the risks of loss of pancreatic tissue. During the Whipple operation, organs that play a vital role in digestive function are often removed. The organs removed include part of the pancreas and bile duct, and all of the duodenum. The duodenum appears to play an important role in regulating the motility of the stomach and the upper gastrointestinal tract. It is thought that partial or complete loss of the duodenum is responsible for the delay in emptying of the stomach that often occurs after the Whipple operation.

USC Senter for Pancreatic and Biliary Diseases

[CAluvdubya]

Yes, I see my typo. Looks like today is not going to be any better than last night was. :)

[franksolich]

You know, this whole deal is probably--probably; I am not God, nor do I pretend to be--going to take a most peculiar turn today, but we've been missing something, the illumination of someone.

Anybody know where Barset's been?

[commonguymd]

Will Pitt sure told people that the cancer had spread and Andy had just found out that he only had one week left to live. Right when he posted the request for financial assistance (while the fund-raising was going on) and the beautiful document for upfront payment from JH dated after the date on the receipts (written by the same person but in two completely different areas of the JH complex).

It was their tactic, but I am not sure if they played Will like a fiddle for the 3rd time or if Will just came up with it in discussion with the grand emperoress on his own.


I sure hope they played Will like fiddle, because he looks awfully funny in his jester's costume.



Oh, and yes Andy will be flying back across the country to the teach in and apparently flying right back to start chemo and radiation treatment the following week. He will probably stop off on his cross country travails to play a few rounds of golf and maybe catch a game of hoops.

[volvox]

I've wondered that too. I know after my abdomen surgery the doctor was concerned about the fact that I would have to walk up a flight of stairs to get home once I was released from the hospital and even riding in a car. He insisted that once I got home, I was not to walk on any stairs or ride in cars for at least 3 weeks except to my follow up appointment to have the staples removed.

Andy is flying on planes! You have got to be kidding me. Another thing that has bothered me is the fact that for an "18 inch" scar, Andy didn't get staples or stitches. He wrote somewhere on in DUmmieland about white surgical strips or something like that. Did this bother anyone else?

[jennyjenny]

Somehow, I've missed where Pitt says Andy only has a week to live. Do you have a link for that? I would very much enjoy reading it, and laughing out loud this morning.

Thanks.

[commonguymd]

Thats because he is a miracle!

No need for stitches or staples!

A Miracle!

[SCALEMAN]

Hey, after seeing how well Andy "god_bush_n_cheney" Stephenson has been able to function with such a life-threatening illness coursing through his veins, I don't think they'd be able to say anything about Cheney

But he's one of their own. The herd will be behind him lock step no matter what is disclosed. This is the same mentality in which the DumBocrats lined up behind the Clintoons no matter what was brought out about them.

Scamdy could do a post at DU right now going 'neener neener... I got you' and they would have a big laugh and group hug, two 1000+ post members would get tombstoned, and benburch would post his sexual proclivities.