*** PING ***
STOP IT!
*rimshot*
~Blonde Girl getting popcorn~
A: Artificial Intelligence.
"Are you a pole vaulter?"
"No, and how did you know my name was Walter?"
A man comes into a bar and says to the bartender, “Want to hear a good blonde joke?”
“I’d be careful if I were you, buster,” replies the bartender.
“Why?”
“Well, you see those two guys over at that table? One of them weighs 250 pounds and the other weighs 275, and they’re both blonde. And in case you didn’t notice, I’m blonde, too.”
“Well, OK then,” says the customer. “I won’t tell it. Besides, none of you would understand it, anyway.”
"MickeyMinniePlutoLouieDeweyDonaldGoffySacramento."
When asked why she had such a long password, the blonde rolled her eyes and said:
"Hello, It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."
Why the blonde returned her M&M’s?
(Cuz she complained half were marked W-W’s)
Two blondes applied for Police Academy.
The officer interviewing them called in the 1st blonde.
She was shown picture of a suspect for 10sec. The officer then asked her to describe the suspect.
She said “He was tall, bald and had only one ear.”
The officer shook his head and said “Lady that was a side view mug shot, of course you see only 1 ear”. He dismissed her. Then he called the 2nd blonde in.
Same mug shot was shown. Same question...describe the suspect.
She says “He was tall, bald and was wearing contacts”
The officer looks at the rap sheet and sure enough the suspect was known to wear contacts.
He says “that was brilliant, how did you figure that out?”
She says “Duh.....that was simple...how can he wear glasses with only 1 ear???”
Q: What did the blond say when she woke up under the milk-cow?
A: “ Are you four guys still here?”
The brunette said, "Well, I guess I'm going to have a little girl because I was on the bottom."
The blonde became obviously saddened and looked down as she began to weep. The other two ladies tried to comfort her and asked, "What's the matter sweetie?"
Between her sobs, the blonde said, "I think I'm going to have puppies."
Blonde mortician
A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please
have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...
She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
‘There’s no charge,’ she says.
‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.
‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if
she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’
‘So I just switched the heads.’
A guy comes up to a blonde in a bar and tells her that if he can feel her (ample) bosom, he’ll be able to tell her what day she was born.
She agrees and about a few minutes of fondling, she finally asks “Well, what day was I born, smarty?”
The guy thinks a minute, takes one more squeeze and answers:
“Yesterday!”
After a bit he asks if anyone wants to hear a blonde joke. What he doesn't realize he's wandered into a all girl biker bar.
The bartender tells him...she's a blonde and is 5'11" and has a baseball bat behind the counter. She then tells him the women to the left and right of him are blonde and both body builders. And that the woman behind him...is a blonde also..and is the bouncer in the bar.
The blind guy just sits there.....Then the blonde bartender asks him loudly if he still wants to tell that blonde joke!! The blind guy says...."Not if I have to explain it four flipping times!!"
A redhead goes to the hospital to give birth. She has twins, a boy and a girl. Afterward, she sleeps the entire day. When she wakes up, her blonde sister tells he she already named the babies for her. The redhead is worried, as her blonde sister is not particularly good at such things. The blonde tells her she named the girl Denise. The redhead is relieved, and asks for the boy’s name. The blonde tells her, Denephew.
A girl tells her blonde friend she just drove home to NJ all the way from Florida. Her blonde friend as amazed; “How did you do that in just 2 days? Florida’s further away than the moon!”
Her friend asks, “Why would you think that?”, to which the blonde responds, “Well, you can’t see Florida from New Jersey...”
"Show me your license," she says.
"What's that?"
"It's the little rectangular thing in the bottom of your purse with your picture."
Blonde motorist fishes around for a few moments, digs out a makeup mirror, looks in it and says: "Is this it?"
Blonde policewoman takes the mirror, looks into it and says "Oh. You can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
The Blonde nods, obviously confused, tips her index finger to the bottom of her chin and says, "But how do you give ... 'Shoulders'?"
What do call a smart Blond?
A Golden Retriever.