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Rove Calls for "Fresh Face" to Get GOP Nomination [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 Apr 2016 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/01/2016 4:05:23 PM PDT by John Semmens

Karl Rove, former campaign adviser to President George W. Bush, suggested that "Republicans need to look outside the current crop of candidates vying for the Party's nomination and pick a 'fresh face' if we are to have any hope of winning against Hillary Clinton in November."

"Look, the guy with the most delegates is a gaffe machine with little grasp of the way government works," Rove contended. "On top of that he has disturbingly negative favorability ratings. A majority of voters can't stand him. I don't see any way he can win in November."

"As for the others who've run against him for the nomination, the fact that they all got fewer votes than Trump kind of disqualifies all of them," Rove added. "They are all proven losers to an awful candidate. We should look past this pool of weak candidates and pick an outsider who hasn't already been rejected by voters."

Among the "outsiders" who ought to be considered, Rove mentioned "Gov. Mitt Romney who ran a strong race against a sitting president in 2012, rising legislative star Paul Ryan, and Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal who recently courageously vetoed a so-called religious liberty bill that was discriminatory against gay rights."

Donald Trump denounced "Rove's plot to steal the nomination" and expressed a desire "to punch this smug little bastard in the face or maybe sue him." Second place delegate winner Texas Sen. Ted Cruz called Rove's suggestion "an attack on me and my family" and alleged that "there is no doubt in my mind that Donald Trump's henchmen are behind it."

In related news, Trump campaign official Karen Giorno characterized Cruz's joke on the Jimmy Kimmel Show that he might press the accelerator instead of the brake and run Trump over with his car, as a "death threat." Cruz campaign Communications Director Alice Stewart clarified her candidate's jibe stating that "Sen. Cruz would only do this if necessary to stop Trump from testing his theory that he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue without it affecting his vote totals." Stewart admitted, though, that "the odds that Ted would be behind the wheel of a car on 5th Ave. at the precise moment he would need to be are vanishingly small."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/194276-2016-04-01-semi-news-semi-satire-april-3-2016-edition.htm


TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: cruz; rove; rovestupid; satire; trump

1 posted on 04/01/2016 4:05:23 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 04/01/2016 4:06:53 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Sorry Karl, but Trump’s voters won’t be voting for your fresh face.


3 posted on 04/01/2016 4:08:32 PM PDT by jersey117
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To: John Semmens

They are gonna make Bernie look like the lesser evil if they keep this crap up.


4 posted on 04/01/2016 4:16:47 PM PDT by SWAMPSNIPER (The Second Amendment, a Matter of Fact, Not A Matter of Opinion)
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To: John Semmens

Cthulu. Why vote for a lesser evil?


5 posted on 04/01/2016 4:20:01 PM PDT by dynachrome (We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.)
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To: John Semmens

Let’s nominate George P. Bush. Might as well get that one out there too.


6 posted on 04/01/2016 4:22:23 PM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
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To: smokingfrog

/sarc


7 posted on 04/01/2016 4:22:43 PM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
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To: John Semmens
"Gov. Mitt Romney who ran a strong race

Best April fools laugh I've had all day.

8 posted on 04/01/2016 4:24:36 PM PDT by rawcatslyentist (Genesis 1:29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed,)
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To: John Semmens

Don’t laugh. Not a laugh. A possibility.

Trump is over.

We need to unite behind Ted Cruz now.


9 posted on 04/01/2016 4:26:06 PM PDT by altura (Cruz for our country)
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To: altura
We need to unite behind Ted Cruz now.

GOPe, GOPe, GOPE, Go Ted Bushz, eh!

10 posted on 04/01/2016 4:29:46 PM PDT by jpsb (Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied. Otto von Bismark)
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To: John Semmens

Karl Rove is a poltroon. He never held a single public office. He is a parasite on the Gope Neocon Rino. He essentially is a snake. With every Trump victory, I rejoice because I hate Rove’s guts so much.


11 posted on 04/01/2016 4:32:10 PM PDT by WENDLE (I guess)
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To: John Semmens

Bob Dole, Harold Stassen, and John McCain would be other fresh faces to consider.


12 posted on 04/01/2016 4:35:31 PM PDT by ModelBreaker (')
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To: altura

LOL. Yep. He’s been over for months. LOL.


13 posted on 04/01/2016 4:39:23 PM PDT by Seruzawa (If you agree with the French raise your hand. If you are French raise both hands)
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To: John Semmens
In the interest of solving this problem, I have a candidate I would like to nominate.


14 posted on 04/01/2016 4:44:59 PM PDT by UCANSEE2 (Lost my tagline on Flight MH370. Sorry for the inconvenience.)
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To: John Semmens
Stewart admitted, though, that "the odds that Ted would be behind the wheel of a car on 5th Ave. at the precise moment he would need to be are vanishingly small."

Best part. !!!

15 posted on 04/01/2016 4:46:34 PM PDT by UCANSEE2 (Lost my tagline on Flight MH370. Sorry for the inconvenience.)
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To: dynachrome

SMOD-2016 - go global!


16 posted on 04/01/2016 4:59:38 PM PDT by rockrr (Everything is different now...)
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To: John Semmens

I can’t stand Karl Rove!


17 posted on 04/01/2016 5:02:55 PM PDT by lonestar (It takes a village of idiots to elect a village idiot.)
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To: John Semmens

Rove can start by leaving and giving the GOP a fresh face, fresh opinion and fresh start. Don’t let the door hit you in the. . .


18 posted on 04/01/2016 5:26:08 PM PDT by chit*chat
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To: John Semmens

Send Rove to the ISIS! Let them deal with this infidel!!


19 posted on 04/01/2016 5:32:10 PM PDT by Busko (The only thing that is certain is that nothing is certain.)
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To: jpsb

Will you vote for Ted Cruz if he is the nominee?


20 posted on 04/01/2016 6:41:21 PM PDT by altura (Cruz for our country)
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