Posted on 03/06/2021 11:42:21 AM PST by John Semmens
Alleging “severe psychological trauma and irreparable damage,” Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif) is suing former President Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, and Rep. Mo Brooks (R-Ala) for “one billion dollars.”
“These men incited the January 6 insurrection at the Capitol that terrorized me and others,” Swalwell said. “My fear was so intense that I shat myself. Judging from the overwhelming odor permeating the building, I can’t have been the only one on that day to suffer trauma and humiliation. I was a rising star in the Democratic Party and a future presidential nominee. Now I am the butt of jokes. The sum of one billion dollars I am seeking is a ‘low ball’ estimate for what is required to give me justice.”
Trump’s spokesman Jason Miller called Swalwell’s claims “ridiculous. As the leader of two failed impeachments against President Trump, Swalwell has done more than sufficient damage to his future political prospects. He claimed to have irrefutable proof of Russian collusion, but never produced this so-called evidence. All he could manage to produce was a loud fart during a live interview.”
Harmeet Dhillon, a partner at a law firm with former Trump lawyer Ron Coleman, called the suit “frivolous. Swalwell sits on the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, yet he allowed himself to be seduced by a Chinese spy. This sounds like a security breach and dereliction of duty. Maybe taxpayers should sue him.”
Swalwell contends that his sexual liaison with Christine Fang was “my own covert, James Bond style move to extract intelligence from her,” but admitted “that turned out to be a dry hole despite repeated drilling. Rather than being mocked I ought to be given the Medal of Freedom for going beyond the call of duty for a member of Congress and risking my life to try to ferret out vital secrets about China from this woman.”
Meanwhile, the FBI reports that none of the insurrectionists at the Capitol were carrying firearms. Director Christopher Wray admitted that “I know it seems odd that people trying to overthrow the government wouldn’t bring the necessary weapons, but the accepted narrative says that is exactly what they did. My best guess is that they weren’t very competent insurrectionists.”
If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...
https://azconservative.org/2021/03/06/swalwell-files-billion-dollar-lawsuit/
The man needs lessons in sword swallowing
poor little girl hasn’t gotten over her embarrassing primary defeat yet.
Just when I thought he couldn’t get more disgusting here he goes again. He’s creepy crawly and makes me ill!!!!
Republicans have to go after this clown with everything they have got! He is the biggest slimeball in the United States House of Representatives.
He was stuck on an escalator for an hour and had to drink his own urine to survive.
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