Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Roaring sea tale takes worst writing honors
philly ^ | Jun. 29, 2009

Posted on 06/30/2009 6:49:55 AM PDT by JoeProBono

SAN JOSE, Calif. - A shambling sentence about sea fellows who bellow took top honors in an annual contest celebrating bad writing. David McKenzie, a 55-year-old Washington man, won grand prize in San Jose State University's 27th Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest with this:

"Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin' off Nantucket Sound from the nor' east and the dogs are howlin' for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the "Ellie May," a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin' and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests."


TOPICS: Books/Literature; Education; Humor
KEYWORDS: writing

1 posted on 06/30/2009 6:49:55 AM PDT by JoeProBono
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono
She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida the pink ones, not the white ones except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't," from Eric Rice of Sun Prairie, Wisc., winner in the detective category. ,
2 posted on 06/30/2009 6:55:04 AM PDT by La Lydia
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: La Lydia

I’ll never win because I like dots.....so long sentences look short....but I’ve never lost a thought....because it’s buried somewhere between the dots...and takes a little bit of deciphering....but you get the point.


3 posted on 06/30/2009 6:59:27 AM PDT by Sacajaweau
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: La Lydia
LOL!


4 posted on 06/30/2009 6:59:59 AM PDT by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: La Lydia

Now that one is indeed deserving of honors!


5 posted on 06/30/2009 7:00:16 AM PDT by Verbosus
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

It occurs to me that some members of FR should submit their musings, as posted here, to this contest.


6 posted on 06/30/2009 7:02:07 AM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ArrogantBustard

7 posted on 06/30/2009 7:05:27 AM PDT by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

I’m convinced that if there is a prose category, some of Obama’s speeches could win. All his speeches seem to belike this: “The claim that, somehow, the requirements of national security are somehow inconsistent with our ideals is, in my view, a false dicotomy that reflects the worn out thinking of bygone eras”


8 posted on 06/30/2009 7:11:31 AM PDT by dinoparty
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono
HAHAHA! I posted this B4 you! HAHAHA!


9 posted on 06/30/2009 7:18:29 AM PDT by Daffynition ("If any of you die, can I please have your ammo?" ~ Gator113)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

Why don’t these awards go to news media “journalists”?

The worst writing I’ve ever seen comes from those “experts”!


10 posted on 06/30/2009 7:18:51 AM PDT by ROLF of the HILL COUNTRY ( The Constitution needs No interpreting, only APPLICATION!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ArrogantBustard

There she stood, in the doorway, wallowing in self pity like a hog often wallows in mud, while I sat on my new blue couch, unmoved, serene on the cushions with their reversible covers, when the thought came to me that if our positions were reversed, much like those cushions, I would be standing in the doorway while she sat on the couch.

parsy, who is still sleepy


11 posted on 06/30/2009 7:19:36 AM PDT by parsifal ("Knock and ye shall receive!" (The Bible, somewhere.))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono
I bust a gut every year those come out.

and it reminded him of the time he'd covered his car's check engine light with black electrical tape, but a faint orange glow still shone around the edges.

And sometimes I fall of my chair.

12 posted on 06/30/2009 7:20:04 AM PDT by DManA
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sacajaweau
because it’s buried somewhere between the dots.
..and takes a little bit of deciphering

01110011 01100001 01111001 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101001 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110100 01110010 01110101 01100101 00101110


13 posted on 06/30/2009 7:29:52 AM PDT by skinkinthegrass (Zer0Bambi to the poor voter: Welcome to 0bamacare (Peasant Care ®) You Sucker... Now Die! :^)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

Not that looks ever really matter but Rochelle LaTwinia Erb was quite possibly the second most beautiful woman in Bend Specificity— one of those splendid, whimsical, paradises found in old South Dakota within shouting distance and a half of that old stony visage mountain titled Rushmore—; however, the express reserve title of most beautiful woman in Bend Specificity was, without serious doubt, the cigar chomping former Master Sargeant of the 21st Infantry Regiment of the 31st Battalion of the 7th Army, Ms. Mac Beater, retired....


14 posted on 06/30/2009 7:30:21 AM PDT by freebilly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ArrogantBustard

As the King of Pop, defiantly shot his left, gold lame’d gloved hand into the air, and with his right hand grabbed his crotch and pulled downward with a sharp tug, naturally the pitch of his singing voice shot upward, and the thought came to him that these sudden jolts of pain he experienced could be alleviated with a good, potent shot of Demarol, so that he could have his cake and eat it, too.

parsy, who is nodding


15 posted on 06/30/2009 7:31:33 AM PDT by parsifal ("Knock and ye shall receive!" (The Bible, somewhere.))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: parsifal

LOL


16 posted on 06/30/2009 7:33:56 AM PDT by freebilly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: Daffynition

17 posted on 06/30/2009 7:37:39 AM PDT by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

18 posted on 06/30/2009 7:37:50 AM PDT by Charles Martel ("Endeavor to persevere...")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono
It's a shame that they named this contest after Bulwer-Lytton who was a pretty good writer.
He's still in print after over a hundred years, they made several movies based on his novels,
and he coined a number of very pithy aphorisms, such as:
“The pen is mightier than the sword.”
“A good heart is better than all the heads in the world.”
and
“Government of the people, by the people, etc.”
which Lincoln plagiarized.

Come to think of it
"It was a dark and stormy night" is a great opening line for a novel. It paints a picture and set the mood for what follows.
19 posted on 06/30/2009 7:39:12 AM PDT by Hiddigeigei (quem deus vult perdere prius dementat)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

“Hot throbbing member” bump...


20 posted on 06/30/2009 7:40:01 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (Impeach now!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

21 posted on 06/30/2009 7:43:14 AM PDT by Daffynition ("If any of you die, can I please have your ammo?" ~ Gator113)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

“The night was sultry.”


22 posted on 06/30/2009 7:51:43 AM PDT by massgopguy (I owe everything to George Bailey)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

“The night was sultry.”


23 posted on 06/30/2009 7:53:26 AM PDT by massgopguy (I owe everything to George Bailey)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Sacajaweau; sionnsar; Tax-chick; Gabz; Laura Earl; MHGinTN

Dot’s all write.

We get both of your points two.


24 posted on 06/30/2009 8:18:19 AM PDT by Robert A. Cook, PE (I can only donate monthly, but socialists' ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

It was a dark and stormy night, because, well, it was night and that is usually dark, in fact, most of the time, unless you are in the Arctic in midsummer, it is dark at night, in which case dark is the operative word for the night; and as for stormy, yes the weather patterns over the city, predicted by weathermen who are not normally accurate, but in this case extremely so, indicated that this would be one of the stormiest nights on record, so in fact it WAS a dark and story night.


25 posted on 06/30/2009 8:50:02 AM PDT by irishtenor (Beer. God's way of making sure the Irish don't take over the world.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Robert A. Cook, PE

Quite so.


26 posted on 06/30/2009 9:23:21 AM PDT by Tax-chick (O hai. Do I need you for something right now?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: Robert A. Cook, PE

That’s some more shabby ritin


27 posted on 06/30/2009 10:17:08 AM PDT by Laura Earl
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

:’)

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2282317/posts


28 posted on 06/30/2009 4:03:55 PM PDT by SunkenCiv
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SunkenCiv

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2282394/posts?page=9#9


29 posted on 06/30/2009 4:20:36 PM PDT by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

Runner up?


30 posted on 06/30/2009 8:45:15 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (The University of Notre Dame's motto: "Kill our unborn children? YES WE CAN!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson