I like my 1911 just fine, but a good Yankee-built knife is a good piece of stuff.
Posted on 05/09/2010 9:24:51 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
The difference between the North and the South clearly explained....at last
The North has Bloomingdale's;
the South has Dollar General .
The North has coffee houses;
the South has Waffle Houses .
The North has dating services;
the South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives;
the South has .45's
The North has double last names;
the South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races;
The South has stock car races .
North has Cream of Wheat;
the South has grits.
The North has green salads;
the South has collard greens .
The North has lobsters;
the South has crawfish .
The North has the Rust Belt;
the South has the Bible Belt .
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH
In the South : If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic.
Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... Do not buy food at this store.
Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive
Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' as in ‘big'ol' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .
Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way... These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners...
After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.
I had breakfast yesterday morning at a Waffle House about 6 miles up the road from my house! Scrambled eggs, bacon, grits and a biscuit. It was good!
Hahaha, I love it. But we need some instructions for southerners moving north.
Dearest Sir, Thank you so much for making this Yankee who lives in Springfield, MO, and has come to appreciate the south, the twisters, and the humidity, especially after reading and crying over the next SCOTUS nominee. I am sharing this with my widespread family. I truly wish my Mother had moved to West Virginia in 1970 like she wanted but the real estate agent advised her not to. But I will say one thing. There really isn’t any difference between northern country people and southern country people. I haven’t lived in a southern city so, I can’t speak for urbanites. I was born in the Bronx, but was a tom-boy. I recently thought I should write a song about urban tom-boys being country girls born in the city. :)
Daaaaanng, who put a burr in YOUR saddle snow bird. LOL~, good stuff
Y’all is not singular. Apart from that, this is pretty much on target.
Do you know the difference between a yankee and a damnyankee?
A yankee goes home after a visit to the south. A damn yankee moves down here.
In fact, the only thing a southerner hates worse than a Mexican with a knife is a Yankee with a U-Haul.
/humor!
I like my 1911 just fine, but a good Yankee-built knife is a good piece of stuff.
Hahaha, I love it. But we need some instructions for southerners moving north.
DON’T!
Northern, Sourtherners...ha...the only place worth living is in the great basin...and I can say that truly since I have been to all 50 states, worked in most of them for extended periods...and been to 32 countries besides. I can be in breathtaking wildflower covered deserts in minutes, or running the chainsaws cutting both dissiduous and coniferous trees out of roads still covered in 2 feet of snow in even less minutes. Dry lakes, forests, 10 kilofoot mountains, 2000 foot deep canyons, cliffs, hotsprings, the harshest terrains, and the most welcoming, as well. Rugged coastlines nearby, and I can spend a mere 3 hours driving for no other reason than to piss on the sidewalks of Berkely (which I have done many times). Who cares about north and south...In the immortal words of Jim Morrison...”The West Is The Best”
Hold his beer first. It would be a shame if he spilled it.
"You ain't from around here are you?"
"No ma'am, I'm from Chicago" he said
"Chicago! why, don't you think the people from Chicago are just the rudest people on earth?" She said to my surprised nephew.
I used to ma'am, "I used to" he replied.
I’ve heard ‘Containment Area for Relocated Yankees’... :-)
Once in a blue moon; you will run into a very unhappy person from the south in New England. In nearly every single instance; the reason is the same...other family member dragged them up there...
We call it “getting out of the splatter zone”.
Really? I didn’t know that happened.
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