Posted on 03/01/2011 9:05:12 PM PST by PhilosopherStone1000
So I'm 50. I have a very smart, very beautiful daughter who is a junior in high school.
Every day, I wake up and say to myself "Crap. I'm still alive."
I feel like I've done my job. I have give birth to and raised an extraordinary human being. There's nothing I can do now to advance her career or life.
How much does God expect me to endure? When can I say "I've had enough?" At what point is it rational to jump off that bridge simply because one is tired of putting up with all the crap?
>>Why does your back hurt?<<
It seems to be a combination of things — 6 months ago I had an MRI (one of the most ghastly things one can encounter) and it showed a pinched disk. At that time it was pain in my RIGHT side and physical therapy for a few weeks eventually reduced it to tolerable levels.
Then, about 3 weeks ago I had new pain in my LEFT side, under the scapula. This was/is more pointed: literally it feels like a knitting needle is being jabbed beneath my scapula/shoulder blade (sometimes it feels like it is coming out the front side). It repeats a few minutes at a time on “good” hours and a every few seconds on “bad” hours.
I have been to Osteopaths/Ortho-surgeons, Chiro, Physical Therapy and Massage Therapy and the help only seems to be while the therapy is underway.
Even now the reason I am online is the pain is keeping me from sleeping and sitting up in my chair (which I got to relieve this condition) is less painful than all other positions.
Pain sucks — and I defy anyone to say otherwise.
bttt
My brother died of a massive heart attack at the age of 51. He never got to walk his daughter down the aisle, nor experience the birth of his grandchildren. Don’t you think these are things worth looking forward to? If not, I’d be more than happy to have you change places with him.
How about walking her down the aisle? Playing with your grandkids? Sharing your life wisdom with them? Seeing the world? Heck Ronald Reagan became President at 69 and changed the world for the better. There is still a lot left to do.
“When can I say “I’ve had enough?” At what point is it rational to jump off that bridge simply because one is tired of putting up with all the crap?”
If you want to be rational about it, give us a rational reason you believe you’d be better off if you did intentionally check out.
That’s a serious request. I’ve always wondered why people think they’d be better off by committing suicide.
You need to remain alive in order to NOT be used as a (dead) democrat voter in these critical times, for one thing... (That’s something some FReepers might have a hard time forgiving you for.)
But on a more serious note, feeling as you do, professional help may be indicated.
Killing yourself is unlikely to help anyone. It’s much more likely to hurt anyone who knows you. (But that is often the whole point, isn’t it?)
Your glasses are broken, you have lost perspective. Not knowing your physical or mental conditions makes this question impossible to answer in this forum.
If you are relatively healthy you need to climb down off the cross, God has not chosen you for extra suffering.
There are young men fighting and dying in the shit hole called the middle east who would happily change places with you.
One of the objectives of Communisim is to inflict mental illness on the populace. It seems they have succeeded in your case. They have you right where they want you, dejected, apathetic and suicidal.
If you need help find a competent professional to walk you back off the ledge.
We are all victims of this relentless diabolical plot. Politicians lie, the media lies and when you speak up they call you a crazy racist or some such nonsense.
Depression is part of life. If we did not have it we could never appreciate joy, love or happiness! We wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.
If you need professional help get it. All the young Fathers who have perished in these wars their daughters will never see again, in some cases never know them.
God speed friend, we all have a ticket out of this world. Don’t rush it and fear not, you’ll get there.
I want to tell you, I understand that all these things that people are saying to you seem like not enough reason to go on. But we’re each putting in our little piece of the puzzle and there is an entire picture here.
PLEASE go get some help. An anti-depressant, when you find the right one, is your friend.
The scapula/shoulder pain could be a sign of all sorts of things...did you get a diagnosis?
Many of us have struggled with the question you ask.. and truly it is the one many philosophers over the years & many who penned in the Bible have expressed and pinned
What is life? What am I here for? What is my purpose?
You are experiencing I believe the classic mid - life issues and questions. You are beginning the long day’s journey into night. Many of us have been there & have gotten through it.
Life can be torture or ecstasy === and often in the same day
I think one thing I would suggest is to get outside (don’t care WHAT your weather is). Take some long walks alone & talk to God out loud.
You are a father & you have a Father.
Breath deeply. Look at the beauty that God provided for us, his creation.
Daughters & dads have a very special bond. When God thinks it is time to end that bond, he will ... (don’t play God). I miss my dad ever so much. What I would do for 15 minutes to talk, touch, hug.
We don’t know what the future holds. Some things in our recent experiences here in the USA are a bit troublesome - to say the least - but God is still sovereign and I for one will trust him with my future.
God bless you. I am sorry you are struggling but do know that these issues are not rare and many before you have walked this path.
Keep us posted!
(and get a dog.. man, they love you & need you to pieces)
Having lived through years of terrible back pain (still have twinges) let me say this: GET A CONSULTATION WITH A GOOD NEUROSURGEON!
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men..."-- The Declaration of Independence
Your life doesn't belong to you. It belongs to God. He's the only one Who can rightfully decide when it is your time to "check out."
inalienable: incapable of being repudiated or transferred to another; "endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights"
I los a nephew who I loved very much at age 35. His daughter who is 15 told me if she could bring him back for just 5 seconds she would knowing the pain she would go through again with him dying again. Your daughter will always need you. I lost my Dad when I was 40 and I still need him everyday.
You think this is a simple matter?!
I have a cousin who committed suicide ten years ago. It was not so “simple” for his parents, friends, daughter, wife, and relatives. It still pains us that he walked into his backyard one morning and decided to spray his brains on the trees with a pistol. Those who “check out” by their own hand leave a knife in the heart of all who knew and loved them. My cosuin’s daughter was in her twenties when he decided to commit suicide; she still misses her father and wishes he were in her life. We all wish he were still here.
dang.. bummer. I am sorry. My “little brother” is just a little older. I love him so much & his kids love him too
‘I have a very smart, very beautiful daughter who is a junior in high school.’
Statistics show that people who commit suicide tend to have children who commit suicide. Is that what you are wishing on your daughter?
Let me lay this on you. How do you know that ending it all...will actually end it all?
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