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$~$~$~THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD~$~$~$

Posted on 04/08/2011 5:59:12 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

What to Expect from a Government Shutdown

So there is the possibility of a government shutting down coming up. The Democrats seem to want it because they think it will be politically advantageous, but those guys would support a Nazi invasion of the U.S. if they thought politically advantageous to them. Still, I think maybe the government shutdown would be a good thing. I mean, if we just shut the whole thing down, that’s basically the only way to ensure we don’t spend anymore money. And maybe we can just declare bankruptcy on the federal government and forget all that debt and be done with it.

Anyway, here’s what to expect from a government shutdown:

* All legislators will now have to find real jobs, but there are few places that consider voting yes and no on lots of stuff as qualifying experience — and certainly they won’t be $200,000 a year for that.

* If you were dependent on any sort of welfare from the federal government, you’re probably gonna die. Sorry!

* With no federal government, there won’t be any enforced rules of engagement for troops overseas. In fact, you guys are just basically wandering ronin now. So if you see someone you think needs a killin’, just go ahead and shoot him.

* Obama will end up on the side of the road with a sign saying, “Will make impotent proclamations for food.”

* Federal prisons will shut down and all the prisoners will escape. They’ll probably have an easier time finding gainful employment than the legislators.

* U.S. currency will no longer be supported, so you’ll need to get your money in something that will last the government shutdown such as Facebook credits.

* Without the federal government, each state will now become an independent country. If your state wants to invade Kentucky and steal all its gold, you better be quick about it because I bet a lot of other states have the same idea.

* Without a big federal government to push everyone around, liberals won’t know what to do with themselves and will all die off during the winter. Too bad winter is about over so it will be a while until that happens.

* There will be no federal enforcement of borders, so it will be up to the states now without any outside interference. That means you can finally build that fence to keep Californians out.

* The U.S. Postal service will shutdown, which means you’ll only be able to use Netflix instant streaming as they’ll no longer be able to get you DVDs. If the post office shutting down affects you in any other way, then come on; get with this century, people.

* You know that guy who always yells at you when you try to climb the statue of Abraham Lincoln, well he ain’t gonna be there no more so no one is going to stop me!

Some people will then plot on how to get the federal government running again, but I think that’s pretty wrong-headed. Eventually, we should adjust just fine to no federal government and probably be better off in the long run. A federal government seemed like an interesting idea, but it was just unworkable. Well, let’s just dust off those Articles of Confederation and give those a try again.

So who has a truck and can help me steal a T-Rex from the Smithsonian?




Get your own Government Shutdown Switch!

Why let bickering politicians be the only ones to control the government? You’ve got gripes, too! Now you can get your own Government Shutdown Switch and issue your own threats. The Government Shutdown Switch connects easily to the Washington power grid online from anywhere, and controls the entire Federal government – including Congress, the Senate, the White House, and all Federal agencies. Simply throw the switch until you hear a click, and all government activity will come to an immediate stop. That includes all Federal funding – even previously unstoppable entitlement programs like Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid, as well as all military spending. You’ll have the government right where you want it! Congress, the Senate and the President will do anything to see that your demands are met – like better mail service, more Federal holidays, lower taxes, and straightening out that property dispute with your screwy neighbor – just to get the government running again. You’ll have the upper hand – because you’ll still have your Government Shutdown Switch, and can pull the same stunt over and over!

Government Shutdown Switch, $199.95  



Follow the Twitter Feed: if government shuts down. Some of the comments are hilarious.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; govshutdown; nomoney; ofst
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1 posted on 04/08/2011 5:59:18 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP!! WOoHoo!!!


2 posted on 04/08/2011 6:00:05 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

Uno??


3 posted on 04/08/2011 6:00:16 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (It's not the Obama Administration....it's the "Obama Regime".)
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To: Lucky9teen

4!!!!!!!!


4 posted on 04/08/2011 6:00:35 AM PDT by workerbee (We're not scared, Maobama -- we're pissed off!)
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To: Lucky9teen
Excellent news!

Shut 'er down!

No Netflix DVD Delivery Delays if the Government Shuts Down
5 posted on 04/08/2011 6:01:13 AM PDT by TomGuy
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP?


6 posted on 04/08/2011 6:01:23 AM PDT by CPOSharky (The only thing straight, white, Christian males get is the blame for everything.)
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To: ShadowAce

Top ten!


7 posted on 04/08/2011 6:01:28 AM PDT by Mr. Jazzy (The United States Marine Corps, your greatest friend or your worst enemy. YOU choose.)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...



NOPE! THEY CAN'T SHUT DOWN THE

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



8 posted on 04/08/2011 6:05:41 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Jobs? Nope! Economy? Nope! Disarm the U.S? Yep! Impeach the treasonous Marxist Muslim usurper bast)
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To: Lucky9teen

9 posted on 04/08/2011 6:05:53 AM PDT by paulycy (Islamo-Marxism is Evil.)
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To: Lucky9teen

10 posted on 04/08/2011 6:06:00 AM PDT by workerbee (We're not scared, Maobama -- we're pissed off!)
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To: paulycy

11 posted on 04/08/2011 6:07:47 AM PDT by workerbee (We're not scared, Maobama -- we're pissed off!)
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To: workerbee

What a great idea!


12 posted on 04/08/2011 6:09:07 AM PDT by paulycy (Islamo-Marxism is Evil.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TGIF


13 posted on 04/08/2011 6:12:04 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (Stop cap and trade fraud.)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TWENTY!

Have a good weekend y'all!

14 posted on 04/08/2011 6:14:22 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP


15 posted on 04/08/2011 6:15:20 AM PDT by verga (I am not an apologist, I just play one on Television)
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To: Lucky9teen
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

HEY! STFU.

16 posted on 04/08/2011 6:18:53 AM PDT by Sax
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To: Lucky9teen

..that looks like Obama making a speech to the American people


17 posted on 04/08/2011 6:19:39 AM PDT by Doogle ((USAF.68-73..8th TFW Ubon Thailand..never store a threat you should have eliminated))
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To: All

18 posted on 04/08/2011 6:26:16 AM PDT by Squidpup ("Fight the Good Fight")
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To: Lucky9teen





19 posted on 04/08/2011 6:28:01 AM PDT by Bean Counter (Stout Hearts!!)
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To: Sax

Cute! I want to see that animated GIF of the two penguins, where one slaps the other face-down into the water. Anybody have that?


20 posted on 04/08/2011 6:31:23 AM PDT by MissNomer
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To: Lucky9teen

Monkeys are soo disgusting....


21 posted on 04/08/2011 6:34:55 AM PDT by Fawn (No--bama 2012)
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To: MissNomer

22 posted on 04/08/2011 6:35:05 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: MissNomer

23 posted on 04/08/2011 6:35:59 AM PDT by workerbee (We're not scared, Maobama -- we're pissed off!)
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To: ShadowAce

“$~$~$~THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD~$~$~$”
***********************

Myself, I prefer the term, “Big Sh!tty Friday”

*****


24 posted on 04/08/2011 6:37:14 AM PDT by gunnyg ("A Constitution changed from Freedom, can never be restored; Liberty, once lost, is lost forever...)
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To: ShadowAce; workerbee

Wow! You both made my day! Four minutes after my post, and I have not one but two responses! Thanks!


25 posted on 04/08/2011 6:44:20 AM PDT by MissNomer
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To: gunnyg

gunnyg,

That’s about what (BSF) it is for me. I work for the Navy, soooooooo..........unpaid vacation (furlough) if no signing.

These buttheads have had SIX MONTHS to get this done. The Dems shouldn’t blame the Pubs, half of that time the Dems were still in control.


26 posted on 04/08/2011 6:49:02 AM PDT by fredhead (Liberals think globally, reason rectally, act idiotically.)
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To: Lucky9teen

IN! (Finally!)


27 posted on 04/08/2011 6:51:36 AM PDT by Monkey Face ("...By small and simple things are great things brought to pass...." Alma 37:6)
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28 posted on 04/08/2011 7:02:32 AM PDT by Baynative (Truth is treason in an empire of lies)
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To: Lucky9teen
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

The Friday Sports section

29 posted on 04/08/2011 7:15:54 AM PDT by Sax
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To: Lucky9teen


30 posted on 04/08/2011 7:18:52 AM PDT by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet - Visualize)
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To: Lucky9teen
So now that my 69 beetle is done, I thought I would tear down the engine that came with the donor body. Don't know how many years this engine had set since it last ran. Look what I found in #3 cylinder.



I have never seen stalagtites of rust before. Good part is that the cylinders are replaceable, and everything else looks good.
31 posted on 04/08/2011 7:24:02 AM PDT by fredhead (Liberals think globally, reason rectally, act idiotically.)
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To: fredhead

Just hit it with a wire brush - it’ll be alright.


32 posted on 04/08/2011 7:27:10 AM PDT by Sax
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To: JoeProBono

Remember that liberals will be changing their light bulbs from the round types to the mercury-filled curly-type -- and do not walk under their ladders.

33 posted on 04/08/2011 7:28:10 AM PDT by pikachu (After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender goes W T F !)
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To: pikachu
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
34 posted on 04/08/2011 7:28:55 AM PDT by Sax
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To: fredhead
Hey--at least the brakes were decent:


35 posted on 04/08/2011 7:29:04 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: fredhead

A little WD-40 will take care of that.

/sarc


36 posted on 04/08/2011 7:29:32 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: ShadowAce

Don’t think there’s enough material there to turn those rotors. Might have to replace them.


37 posted on 04/08/2011 7:34:08 AM PDT by Ronald_Magnus
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To: Ronald_Magnus

Nah—she’s still got a few more miles left in them.


38 posted on 04/08/2011 7:35:01 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

Not real funny but anyway

A woman, married three times, walked
into a bridal shop one day and told the
sales clerk that she was looking for a
wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

“Of course, madam,” replied the sales
clerk, “exactly what type and color are
you looking for?”

The bride-to-be said: “A long frilly
white dress with a veil.”

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then
said, “Please don’t take this the wrong
way, but gowns of that nature are
considered more appropriate for brides
who are being married the first time -
for those who are a bit more innocent,
if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory
or sky blue would be nice?”

“Well,” replied the customer, a little
peeved at the clerk’s directness, “I
can assure you that a white gown would
be quite appropriate. Believe it or not,
despite all my marriages, I remain as
innocent as a first time bride.

You see, my first husband was so
excited about our wedding, he died
as we were checking into our hotel.
My second husband and I got into
such a terrible fight in the limo on
our way to our honeymoon that we
had that wedding annulled immediately
and never spoke to each other again.”

“What about your third husband?”
asked the sales clerk.

“That one was a Democrat,” said the
woman, “and every night for four years,
he just sat on the edge of the bed and
told me how good it was going to be,
but nothing ever happened..”


39 posted on 04/08/2011 7:35:12 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: Ronald_Magnus

Nah—she’s still got a few more miles left in them.


40 posted on 04/08/2011 7:35:13 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

41 posted on 04/08/2011 7:35:37 AM PDT by OB1kNOb (Solution to Libya's problem: They want a new Muslim leader, I say, give them ours...2 problm solved!)
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To: Lucky9teen

42 posted on 04/08/2011 7:36:34 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This post is not a statement of fact. It is merely a personal opinion -- or humor -- or both)
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To: pikachu

Oh my goodness. What an idiot. just. wow.


43 posted on 04/08/2011 7:38:43 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis (Want to make $$$? It's easy! Use FR as a platform to pimp your blog for hits!!!)
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To: ShadowAce

Woah...those are awful looking.


44 posted on 04/08/2011 7:44:45 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis (Want to make $$$? It's easy! Use FR as a platform to pimp your blog for hits!!!)
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To: sunny48
Walk with me by the water, worth the read... A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER: Well, Sh*t... I forgot the words....
45 posted on 04/08/2011 7:48:56 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: Lucky9teen

Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.’
Customer: ‘OK.’
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?’
Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.’


46 posted on 04/08/2011 7:54:38 AM PDT by tomkow6 (...................TOMKOW6 ! The ONLY voice of reason & sanity in a chaotic Canteen!...............)
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To: Lucky9teen

If there's a government shutdown...the rise of the machines begins!

47 posted on 04/08/2011 7:58:30 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback (Anyone who says we need illegals to do the jobs Americans won't do has never watched "Dirty Jobs.")
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To: Lucky9teen
The smartest man in the world, a priest, and a boy scout were flying in a small plane. Halfway through the flight, they experienced engine troubles.

The pilot came back and said, "People, there are four of us but only three parachutes. I have to take one because I'm needed by the airline company. You three can figure out who gets the last two 'chutes." And with that he took a parachute and jumped out.

The smartest man in the world said, "The world needs me!" He grabbed a 'chute and jumped out.

"Son," the priest said to the boy scout, "You take the last parachute. I'm old and I've lived my life. I'm ready to meet my maker."

"Oh, its alright Father," the boy scout replied. "The smartest man in the world took my knapsack."

|=)

48 posted on 04/08/2011 8:37:04 AM PDT by Celtic Cross (Some minds are like cement; thoroughly mixed up and permanently set...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Subject: FW: What happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

A handsome Cowboy walked into a drug store in Wyoming and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him.

The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The cowboy then agreed and began by saying, ‘This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.’

The pharmacist said, ‘Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister.’

When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is as follows: 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, and $3,000 a month in living expenses.”


49 posted on 04/08/2011 8:39:13 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (TX and MI - When the going gets tough, the dims run and hide.)
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To: Celtic Cross

Sounds like this one.....

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Mexican and a Texan on a plane. Three parachutes.
Englishman grabs a chute, yells “God save the Queen” and jumps out.
Frenchman grabs a chute, shouts “Vive le France” and jumps out.
Texan puts on a chute, drags the Mexican to the door, yells “Remember the Alamo” and kicks the Mexican out.


50 posted on 04/08/2011 8:43:32 AM PDT by fredhead (Liberals think globally, reason rectally, act idiotically.)
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