You’re a mom, not a cleaning lady.
Posted on 05/09/2014 6:04:35 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."
You’re a mom, not a cleaning lady.
Oh, hell no.
Is this a gift for you? Or your partner?
Basically sex, but you’re expected to dress up for it, too. Swell.
1. Joke gifts are not cool on Mother’s Day, 2. This had better be a joke gift if your significant other wants to live.
Explaining to your neighbor why half of their flower bed has been torn up isn’t exactly how you want to spend Mother’s Day.
If you asked for these specifically this is an awesome gift. If not, WTF?
Really? Not even a card? You can really feel the love.
Homemade gifts are the best, that is, unless your kid took scissors to the living room drapes to acquire “materials.”
Your family appreciates you so much that they got you 10% of your next visit to Chili’s.
This is adorable until you realize you’ll be dining on fuzzy, severely burned toast and scrambled eggs mixed with M&Ms.
AKA how your significant other gets you to cook them a steak every month.
The stock image photo of a family that comes with the frame may be cute, but you’d much prefer one of your own family.
They say it’s the thought that counts, which is true, except for when the thought was to spend $3.99 or less.
What every mom wants to hear, “You’re a great mom! And fat!”
This one will go over about as well as the Weight Watchers gift certificate.
“Hey, Mom, mind if I play with your gift a little while?”
These are even worse when your significant other gives the same thing to their mother.
“The kids and I have to, uh, just run out for a sec, hon!” FAIL.
Well, that is quite a list. My cousin probably has the D-Dang size. We have to friends who had the G model. Both had severe back problems before the reductions.
Alternate answers to the above question:
Bob Dylan - How many roads must a chicken cross, before he’s considered a man?
Star Trek - I am Locluckus of Borg. We wish to get to the other side. The road will be crossed. Resistance is futile.
Colonel Sanders - You mean I missed one?
Hunter S. Thompson - We were halfway across the road when the drugs began to take hold...
Why did Obama cross the road?
To take from the other side.
Stuff like this is why FR needs a like button.
That’s like what Rodney Dangerfield said:
“If you want to look thin....You hang out with fat people!”
Thanks for keeping us abreast of your cousin's condition ;-)
Post no bills? Or is that, your ad could be here?
We don’t care you have no job...
With our rhetoric full of blave...
We don’t care if you sob...
With our closet full of Burma Shave!
(That you paid for)
Pain? Confusion certainly.
Not a fan of the 3 Stooges were you...
MOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I had to go see it to evaluate, and you’re wrong. I laughed.
It wasn’t CG, it wasn’t a movie, and it wasn’t fake. That cat may be crippled and in agony or dead, and yet you laughed. Keep on laughing if it pleases you so much to see an animal hurt.
You’re certainly a fine man, aren’t you.
There is zero indication the cat was hurt. Duh.
It’s clear you’re not a nice person, and you’re willing to be mean and nasty to others based on crappy assumptions.
Be gone, troll.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.