Posted on 05/23/2014 5:38:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?...
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once..
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan, The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan .....)
PS. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . .. . "He-brews"
Don't argue with idiots...they will pull you down to their level and beat you with experience!
I think my problem was too long looking for a WHOLE cat!
Please, no comments on my judgement.
I stole that to post on my fishing website, and noticed the URL and I’m all like “HEY! That looks familiar! RQTEK!! COOL!”
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems.
They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they’re going to drill for their own oil...
I should not have taught my dog to text...
Ah, reminiscing about the days of the old OFST when 2000+ posts by monday morning wasn’t out of the question.
I should not have taught my dog to text...
I miss those, too. But I am more productive on Fridays now.
How’ve you been?
Doing great, my twins are weeks away from graduating HS. w00t!
Yeah, I never really got much done on fridays back then, that’s for damn sure! LMAO!
Time is flying... my kid is a junior at Texas A&M. Hard to believe it is going so fast.
You’re in CT, right?
Good for the kid. Gig ‘em!
Yep, still here on the CT shoreline! Did you ever build that job in Danbury?
A guy was driving his truck to Arizona across Death Valley when the truck broke down.
He remembers a gas station some miles back and decides to walk to it and get help. It’s about 110 in the shade and after a while, no gas station and he’s out of water.
A little later, he’s totally spent and then, he sees the gas station. With what energy he has left, I starts to run for it, only to find it was a mirage. He collapses.
Now, near death in the middle of the desert with no one around to save him, he rolls over to his back, looks up to the Heavens and asks, “Why me Lord? Why me?”
From above, a deep booming voice replies, “Because Ralph, there’s something about you that just pisses me off!”
FMCDH(BITS)
Never did.
All my work has been in Texas over the last few years.
FMCDH(BITS)
Dang...I always get those two confooooosed.
I remember that... the old crew.
LOL!
That looks like Edward Herrmann!
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