***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Who are the most bitter on Twitter?

Michael Moore ✔ @MMFlint - INSANE:Maj of US for gay rights, womens rights, civil rights, want climate change laws, raise min wage- then let minority elect Repub Senate

Lizz Winstead ✔ @lizzwinstead - Prediction: Republicans win control of your body.

Lizz Winstead ✔ @lizzwinstead - Well at least colorado voters decided life does not begin at your erection.

Dan Savage ✔ @fakedansavage - What Florida needs is a governor who doesn't believe in climate change. Bye, Miami.

Dan Savage ✔ @fakedansavage - I think I'll just turn off the TV now and watch @JFLGags videos on YouTube until, oh, 2016 or so.

John Fugelsang ✔ @JohnFugelsang - Today's we learned that the most dangerous airborne virus in America isn't Ebola, it's Amnesia.

Lewis Black ✔ @TheLewisBlack - And so let the next election cycle begins. ELECTION EVERLASTING. AMEN.

John Cusack ✔ @johncusack - Mr Chomsky - The Leading Terrorist State http://www.truth-out.org/opinion/item/27201-the-leading-terrorist-state …

Questlove Gomez ✔ @questlove - Congratulations America. You Will Now Get What You Asked For.

Frank Conniff @FrankConniff - In honor of GOP controlling the Senate, take a moment to fire a gun, frack the earth and not have access to health care.

And...a new meme is born...

IBTZ

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Cooter arrived first. When the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, “Nope, ain't Stanley.”

The mortician thought this was rather strange, so he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, “Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain't Stanley.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?” Gomer said, “Well, Stanley had two ass-holes.”

“What! He had two ass-holes?” asked the mortician.

“Yup," said Gomer, "we never seen 'em, but everybody says, 'There's Stanley with them two ass-holes.'”

Cooter and Gomer are both now employed in the Obama administration. Gomer works the Cincinnati IRS office and Cooter works in the Civil Rights division of the Just-us Department.

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "Its fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score..."

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally sh!ts in the bed.

The wife says, "What was that?"

The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."

They had just one job...

Some zingers for the ladies' benefit...

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
She replied, "Probably that I married you for your money."
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa, drink beer and fart.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh Immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.”

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House of Representatives — 2008 and......................................2014

Who are the most bitter on Twitter?

And...a new meme is born...