Posted on 11/14/2014 5:04:59 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Since I completely spaced out doing the OFST this week, I'm pulling from my archives. Enjoy!!!
Puns & Other Word Play
Many see puns as cheap humor, one-liners, or groaners, despite their prevalence in our culture. They are most often seen in the names of businesses, or advertising. Others, like the writer Jonathan Swift, see them as a challenging art form, where one shapes words like a cobbler bends leather. 'Punning is an art of harmonious jingling upon words,' said Swift, 'which, passing in at the ears, excites a titillary motion in those parts; and this, being conveyed by the animal spirits into the muscles of the face, raises the cockles of the heart.
However the dictionary describes a pun as:
pun
n.
A play on words, sometimes on different senses of the same word and sometimes on the similar sense or sound of different words.
If pros and cons are opposite, is progress the opposite of congress?
I would never be caught dead with a necrophiliac!
Necrophiliacs put the fun back in FUNeral.
I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Diploma: Da' man who fixes da' pipes.
Someone's karma ran over my dogma.
If Satan lost his hair, there would be hell toupee!
Demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Be cowful what you utter about udders. You cud be overheard...This could go on and on, but why milk it?.
Someone stole the precinct toilet. The cops have nothing to go on.
Fangs for the Memories: Vampire the Musical
Confucius say: Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls, no walk.
Confucius say: Man who spends time at cathouse spends night in dog house.
Confucius say: Man who lay down with dogs, wakes up with fleas.
Confucius say: Virgin like balloon. One prick, and all gone.
Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet, high on pot.
Confucius say: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Confucius say: Man who lives in glass house, change clothes in basement.
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Macho: Someone who jogs home from a vasectomy
Better: What we instantly feel when we realize our neighbor's problems are as bad as our own
Dysentery: What you get when dissent merges with commentary
Liberal: A church with four commandments and six suggestions
Resume: The closest any of us will ever come to perfection
Date: An organized meeting with someone who has yet to realize their intense dislike for you
Dilemma: Trying to believe someone you normally trust when you know you would lie if you were in their place
Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting
Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning 'I quit but you won't know it for sure for a year'
Irony: Buying a suit with two pairs of pants and then burning a hole in the coat
Insanity: Driving forty minutes to a health club, then waiting thirty minutes to get on a treadmill for twenty minutes
Progress: What you get when each mistake is a new one
Kids: People to be nice to since they are the ones who will choose your nursing home
Marriage: The process of finding out what type of person your spouse would prefer
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In before the You Know
Happy Friday. Thanks Lucky9teen.
Al Gore and Bill Clinton are fishing and Al asks Bill ‘What are you going to do when you get back to the White House?”
Bill Answers “I’m going to rip off Hillary’s panties”. “Mr President, are you sure that’s a good idea?”. Bill responds “I have to. They are cutting off the circulation to my legs”.
Happy Friday....new computer here. Windows 8 is proof that Microsoft is built by sadists
Yee Haw!!
Top ten...perhaps!
WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!!
Top 15 from China?
Top 20 perhaps
Top Two Oh!
Top 20!
I;’m in late, but I took the day off and slept in.
Good Morning!
Sweet 16!
Never been....never mind.
I got here as quick as I could.
As if my life weren’t trying enough,
I have to live on a street spelled Gough.
I just can’t see the reason, though;
Why not pronounce it simply Gough?
And if slough is slough to rhyme with through,
Why the deuce can’t I say Gough?
Or if you’re saying plough and bough,
What’s wrong with just plain Gough?
You can lead a horse to the watering trough,
but you can’t make him drink—
And I WON’T say Gough
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