Posted on 07/10/2015 6:20:22 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
On the day they were to leave Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot and his wife and children were leaving the house.
Lots wife: “Lot, I can't believe that you offered up your beautiful daughters to those men to protect men we don't even know. What kind of a man are you to do such a thing? Now, after all the time wandering in the desert, you say we have to leave home here and move off into the wilderness again, I swear, I think I married the wrong brother! Lot, what kind of a man are you?”
Lot to his wife: "Did you turn off the water in the kitchen sink?"
Lot’s wife as she turns to go back “Lot, what am I goin--------"
Lot smiles!
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.
Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.";
Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.
Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't screw with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Being famous on Facebook is a bit like being rich in Monopoly!
Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt...people writing on walls and worshiping cats!
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.
Facebook is like jail...you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know!
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status...after 3, it should default to "unstable" for at least 6 months!
Take it easy, I’ll figure it out soon enough.
I was listening to Frank Zappa when I went to get lunch. I keep hearing in my head “Why does it hurt when I pee?”
Oh Thanx!!! Now it’s pajama people!
Today’s politically Incorrect Ditty by me:
“I Won’t Bake Your Cake”
I won’t bake your cake
You can’t rent my hall
I won’t do the music
For your “Cannibal Ball”
I won’t take the pictures
Either now, or later, It
Is absolutely certain
That I will not cater it!
“Missionary”
is not on the menu.
And stew pots and fires
Are not allowed in my venue.
Bring in those spears,
And my liability increases
As do the shrunken heads
In your centerpieces
(CHORUS)
It’s my right, It’s my Right, It’s my right,
To say “No” and not have to fight
It’s my right, It’s my Right, It’s my right
To say “No”, and not have to fight
“All Cultures are Equal”
Our leader explains
Does that make it OK
To eat Grandma’s brains?
I won’t make your costumes!
I won’t pierce your nose!
I won’t carve a covering,
For what you call “those”.
(CHORUS)
It’s my right, It’s my Right, It’s my right,
To say “No” and not have to fight
It’s my right, It’s my Right, It’s my right
To say “No”, and not have to fight
It’s against my religion
And not in my culture
To feast on my species
Like a ravenous vulture
There are other people
To whom I can send you
So please don’t sue me
If somehow I offend you.
(CHORUS)
It’s my right, It’s my Right, It’s my right,
To say “No” and not have to fight
It’s my right, It’s my Right, It’s my right
To say “No”, and not have to fight
You can’t use my limo
To transport your dinner.
I just hate your sin,
But love you, the sinner.
So fine me, or jail me
You can give it your all
I won’t be a party
To the Cannibal’s Ball.
(CHORUS)
It’s my right, It’s my Right, It’s my right,
To say “No” and not have to fight
It’s my right, It’s my Right, It’s my right
To say “No”, and not have to fight
The Caption:
“You can dooby do wop the blue pill or zippity zop zeee bop the red pill, but both end up with my shooby dooop in your poopy poop”
LOL! THAT is the first GOOD laugh I’ve had all day! Thanks!!!
LOL!
I hate to say this, but that’s exactly the way I think! (Maybe that’s been my problem all along...)
Oh, man! I need to check my 3Tb hard drive to see if it has the best of the FST and UT on it. If so, I need to add this! It’s really a keeper!
The problem with this thread is the same as the sky when
African dust moves over to the center and all votes go
to the left side of the house at the end of oyster season.
When that happened Bill Clinton did have sex with Hillary
and tried to blame it on his whormonica. Having said that it’s a scientifically proven fact that women are bad luck on ships and you can trust John Boner to shoot an apple off of
Obamas head but only on those rare occasions when he is
actually sober which is as rare as a mexican with liability
insurance. I would support mandatory sobriety on the house
floor but that would probably make things worse. And always
remember a dog makes his living by being your best friend.
That’s just WRONG! LOL!
“Well, I’m a standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona and such a fine sight to see. It’s a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed. Ford slowin’ down to take a look at me.”
Well? Did she stop? Or did she floor it?
I do, and it is! LOL!
SACRILEGE! LOL!
Nothing like a dose of reality...a pervert is always gonna be perverted.
Is that a flat-bed Ford, per chance?
Eagle on window sill
“...and the couple in the window”
He’s trying to find out if her sweet love is going to save him.
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