Posted on 03/01/2018 10:01:53 AM PST by sodpoodle
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it. 3. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils. 4. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize. 5. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. 6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor. 7. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired. 8. Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. 9. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. 10. What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.
We had a good laugh at the office years ago when the tennis player Billy Jean King was first accused of being a lesbian. I was asked if I believed it and I said that it was likely true....why would anyone accuse her of that if she wasn’t? It would be rather fruitless. I didn’t even clue in until they started laughing.
I’m afraid my reward would be charges of plagiarism.
A Termite walks into a bar, and asks... “Is the bar tender here?”
A nervous wreck.
-PJ
for later forwarding to my pun-enjoying daughter
Wife and I were standing outside the pet store in the mall before Christmas one year. Several people around admiring the Christmas puppies! People were commenting about what breed they may be. Maltese?, pekinese?, Pomeranians?. Then someone said they saw Cocker Spaniel in them. Like an idiot, I said with out thinking, “Maybe they are little Cock-teses” DDDOOOHHHH. Wife gave me the flying elbow. Guys shoulders started to shudder. Women turned around and gave me the eye. I quietly walked away.
As someone known for bad jokes, I can tell you that when I pun by accident it is much better received.
Accidentally? You really need to deliberately have more pun in your life.
All those listed puns were amateurish.
They should leave them to the professionals...........
Mickey Mouse gives me Disney spells.
Ask if she takes credit for her work?
When I heard it, the difference was "you can't hear a vitamin.
What is long and slimy and full of seamen? A submarine.
They probably wouldn't approve of Kim Jong Un either. He's a Dick-tater.
How do you make a hormone!?
Two dollar tip!
“How does it change many dyslexics to take a light bulb?”
A woman wasn’t looking where she was going and backed into an airplane propeller. Disaster.
Pret ty, pret ty good!
And how do you make a hormone?
********
You do a good job!
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