I am now at the lowest point (Prayer Requests strongly and urgently requested!)

me | 12-27-04 | Houmatt

[Houmatt]

I am not sure I know where to begin.

On Friday, December 17, I was arrested and charged with a Class B Misdemeanor, the first time I have been arrested and charged with anything.

Over the next seven days and six nights that I spent in the custody of the authorities awaiting bail, I found my wife of six years, the woman I had given my life and love to, had decided she had had enough of me, saying I had hurt her emotionally and she could trust, rely on or understand me. She intends to file for divorce next month.

I would guess I should have seen this coming. She had told me the feelings she had had for me before were not the same, and this was something she had been agonizing over for a while. It is not easy when the woman you love and are married to lives 200 miles away across the border in Canada. She would come over once a month and stay a weekend, but there was a five month period this year when she had been out of work due to an infection in her right leg. As I am sure you can understand, separation does not always make the heart grow fonder.

What I do know is I love her very, very much. She was my best friend, my lifeline, my reason for being. She helped fill the void in my life. I could apologize ten thousand times and tell her that, yes, I was not the husband she expected me to be. I know I failed her, and I not about to stand in her way when it comes to divorcing me, even if I am of the ilk those vows I took over six years ago were supposed to mean something. She needs a release, to not have to worry about getting me up to Canada or if I have money or food anymore. She needs that break.

I just would like it if we could at least be speaking terms, waving hi to each other on the phone or the net, trading e-mails and cards and so forth.

The other thing that scares me though is the possibility I may go back to jail. Even if it is my first offense, and a misdemeanor, I may still go back. Those days I had been inside scared me like nothing else in a very long time. I know I did something incredibly stupid and there is not a moment where I do not think about how I should have turned left instead of right that day. I also know I must take responsibility for my actions. I just don't want to go back to jail.

I have been praying ever since then for two simple things:

1) Terri (my wife) can receive the solace she is searching for and want to at least talk to me again.

2) That I get probation.

For those that are wondering: I have done enough stupid things. That is one stupid thing I will never do.

As much as I hate to admit it, yes, men do cry. I am right now. I am sorry.

[Humidston]

Uncle, what a beautiful message! And so on target!

Houmatt, I'll be praying for you too. All I ask is that you reread Uncle's post... Then memorize it.

[dansangel]

I am awfully sorry to read of your difficulties, Houmatt. This is a very stressful time of year to begin with, plus you have the added burden of legal and relationship problems.

I will add you to my daily prayer list and ask God to help you work through your troubles. Know that there are many here on FR who care and who will provide spiritual and emotional support. There is no greater gathering place of kind-hearted people anywhere else on the Net.

God Bless you and may He help you find the strength and faith that you need.

[MissAmericanPie]

Sounds like it's time for a "do over", a quote from the movie "City Slickers". You are in my prayers for a do over, a new direction and determination in your life.
Best Wishes
MAP

[Feiny]

From your homepage:

"I am a firm believer in the use of common sense and personal responsibility"

[Tribune7]

prayer bump

[Diva Betsy Ross]

I don't know what you did to get yourself into jail, as you say again. Obviously your wife does not want a relationship with you- so you have to abide by her wishes. You have to let go and move on. You will get yourself into more trouble if you don't. If it was meant to be,then she will find you- otherwise you need to keep yourself busy fixing whatever it is you did to get yourself into this situation.

If you are truly sorry for the pain you have caused other people you will find a way to correct what damage you can.

I can pray you will turn this around and make amends- IMO- that is the only hope you have. I hope you can make what sounds like a bad situation a turning point for yourself. Good luck.

[wizardoz]

Okay, well I don't know what you did but here's what practical advice I can offer:

1.) When you show up in court, look as presentable as you can. Military haircut, suit, polished shoes, the whole thing. You want to look like you understand the importance of being a contributing, decent member of society.

2.) Have as many family members there as possible, also dressed like Sunday, and looking mournful and supportive, but NOT defensive.

3.) Don't act as though you blame the police, the court system, or anyone but yourself.

I say these things because a person who respects the system even though he violated it is less threatening than a person who denies the validity of the system. That's why, when you run a stop sign, you're better off claiming not to have seen it than saying you'll use your own damn judgment on when you'll stop or not.

I can't give any advice on the wife thing. It may be very important to you emotionally but I'm more concerned about your physical safety.

[aShepard]

As has been indicated, it is much too embarrassing to talk about here....................

If you're too embarrassed to discuss it here, under an anonymous blog name, you're not ready to discuss the problem with yourself in front of a mirror, or with a minister, or with a therapist

Just why did you post your request for help, if you can't yet face reality yourself?

[antivenom]

You are correct...

[Victoria Delsoul]

I'll be praying for you, Houmatt. Whatever you have done, if you truly repent, God will forgive you. Sometimes we learn life's lessons the hard way. Look at it this way... this is another experience - sometimes the best way to learn is by experience.

All I want to be able to do as far as my wife is concerned is at least maintain a friendly relationship with her.

I know my marriage is over. But I emotionally invested seven years of my life into that woman. She was the one I turned to when I needed someone to talk to; when I was lonely or upset.

I can assure you there is not a single person on this planet who knows me better than she does.

Well, I know this is personal, but since you're talking about it...

It seems your wife had made up her mind a long time ago. Long before your problems with the law.

I would guess I should have seen this coming. She had told me the feelings she had had for me before were not the same, and this was something she had been agonizing over for a while.

Friends don't abandon friends when they're down and are in need of help. That's when you really know who your friends are. That's when you really know who loves you, and who doesn't. If someone doesn't love you, than, look ahead and start again. It's not easy, but there's no point consuming yourself with grief and memories of times gone past.

Good luck, Houmatt. May God keep you safe.

[Baraonda]

"I good friend on mine lost her husband in a car accident on Christmas eve. She has a two month-old baby and is hanging tough."

So sad.

My prayers for this woman and her little angel.

[LisaMalia]

You are in my prayers.

Is what you did have something to do with why your wife wants to call it quits? I'm not trying to be nosy, but it's hard to council you not knowing the circumstances. And I would like to help you in any way I can, advice wise. There are VERY few things I would pass judgement on.

Lisa

[JennysCool]

Prayers for you, Houmatt.

I think the curious on this thread are just trying to ascertain whether what you did was something directed at your wife or at another person; there's a big difference between offering counsel for something like that and something like, for example, a DUI.

If it's something akin to the latter, please be advised that a lot of folks -- a few around here, undoubtedly! -- have been in that same boat (or car, rather) over the holidays.

[lakey]

Perhaps what you want us to pray for you isn't what the Lord has in mind for you. He just might have bigger and better things waiting around the corner, and all you need to do is to take the baby steps in that direction.

Trust Him - He will see to your needs.

[NanaDory8]

Praying for you and your wife. God knows your needs.

[The Spirit Of Allegiance]

Houmatt--I don't need to know what you've done, but in every human heart is the capacity to do tremendous evil. God gave us those choices. Your attitude is one of repentence but also of fear that you're the only one who has ever done such a terrible thing (and that's what the Devil wants you to believe)...that you're alone both in your evildoing and in your damaged marriage. Jesus tells us how most of us are guilty of murder in our hearts....even though we never commit the physical act. What you did, whatever it is, is no doubt far down on the scale or your bail wouldn't be so tiny--TINY. Clearly the judge doesn't consider you a major threat to society or a flight risk--God is using the government as His means of helping guide your course in life, please be teachable, learn quickly. I will post a great inspirational email in another post, but do check out this verse in context and in several versions as you ponder what I have said above...may God speak, not me....

http://biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2010:13&version=49

In Jesus' Name,
"Blurblogger"

[The Spirit Of Allegiance]

CAN GOD USE YOU?

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...

Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Sampson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
John the Baptist ate bugs
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
Mary Magdalene was, well you know...
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer...

AND
Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses now. God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the Message, you are just the messenger. Share this with a friend or two...

In the Circle of God's love, God's waiting to use your full potential.

1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's me.
3. Growing old is inevitable ... growing UP is optional.
4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
6. Do the math ... count your blessings.
7. Faith is the ability to not panic.
8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
9. If you worry, you didn't pray ... If you pray, don't worry.
10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
12. The most important things in your house are the people.
13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

[Palladin]

Great post!

[xJones]

Dittos, Palladin, Blurblogger's post #77 was a great post.

Houmatt, when your wife left you a year ago to live 200 miles away and you didn't see her for long periods, that should have told you that it was over - at least for the foreseeable future.

Trust only God completely, because humans are always fallible. That you want so much to talk to her won't make her want to talk to you; in fact, it will probably make her withdraw further. You'll live, and this too shall pass. May God grant you wisdom, guidance, and faith.

[CONSERVE]

Needs repeated
Great Post